Let's direct our fury right now at the distant future people; the ones who were apparently too lazy to use their time machines to come and warn us in 2006, when useless Sen. Rick Santorum was losing his Senate seat by double digits, that we'd still be watching videos of this fucking guy whining about gay marriage six years later when he was a top-tier candidate for a presidential nomination! Then we could've just killed ourselves then and there instead of naively expecting any trace of human progress.

But since we're locked into this inescapable loop for the rest of time, we might as well check out the latest video. Here's Rick Santorum in New Hampshire getting into the same old debate about gay marriage and employing his only rhetorical device, slippery slope talk, which is very much not the legitimate tactic for logical debate that he considers it to be. He goes back and forth with this person, in the few seconds of the clip where he's not yelling at everyone to sit down and shut up. Two members of the same sex need marriage to be "happy?" he asks, patronizingly? Okay... Then how about three? What's your excuse for not allowing THREE PEOPLE to get married, if that makes them "happy"? Boom.

But but but... I'm having trouble working this out: Is there really a sizable group of people in this country who are naturally and exclusively sexually attracted to two people together, but indifferent to either one individually? Those who have a sort of off-on switch for their humanity, depending on how many people are in the room. Let's simplify it: People with two penises or two vaginas which can only be satisfied with a holistic approach. No, your stories about how you tricked two people into a threesome don't count. You're either into a boy or a girl and once you figure that out, you can move ahead with the process of marriage and household formation and tax advantages and other things that signify your membership and full acceptance in civil society.