America's Paper of Record cannot afford to have its reporters sending text messages or calling 411 on their company phones. What a pitiful state of affairs.

In your sunny(!) Monday media column: Macy's costs the newspaper industry $600 million, Vogue is dreadfully low-class, The Daily Beast speaks very well of a book, and here's the name of new thing to write for: 'The Ennuist.' Haha.

How is Matthew Winkler, bow-tied tyrant-in-chief at Bloomberg News, quashing his staffers' dreams today? By making his underlings suffer because of a grudge he has against one of the world's most prestigious papers, according to an insider [UPDATED below].

The Washington Post did a terrible thing, the New York Times reports. "Why is the WP so morally bankrupt?" the NYT wonders. The Post has issued a laughably weak apology for being a cheater loser paper, reports the NYT!

In your Friday-like Thursday media column: Howard Kurtz types many words for no good reason, Rupert Murdoch denies wanting to own the NYT, the WaPo can't stop distancing itself from that sellout email, and journalism is practiced in Honduras.

Today in the Washington Post editorial page: former UN Ambassador and unpleasant mustachioed asshole John Bolton says it is time for Israel to start a war with Iran.

The Washington Post sent a flier to DC corporate lobbyists and other scum offering them an exclusive, schmoozy dinner with political officials and Post reporters for only $25,000. Now they're disavowing it! Come now. They were just too honest.

The New York Blade, one of NYC's only major gay papers, is shutting down. Its entire staff has been let go. But there's still some far-fetched, theoretical hope.

Weird! Last year Michael Wolff thought Politico was lame because politics is boring. Now he thinks it is the greatest thing ever! Politico's foreign policy correspondent disagrees, which is why he quit after six months.

The final word on the layoffs at Gannett, America's largest newspaper publisher, which were confirmed earlier today: 1,400 employees will lose their jobs. This memo just went out to staffers nationwide, from Gannett US Community Publishing president Bob Dickey:

Michael Wolff, internet shouty guy and writer-for-magazines, was supposed to write a juicy tell-all for Vanity Fair about his scandalous affair with an intern! Instead he's apparently been working on a piece about fucking Politico?

In your emboldened Wednesday media column: More on the Spin layoffs, "Where were you when Vibe died?" stories begin, Froomkin's proud, Michael Wolff's unnecessarily loud, and newspapers are how(itzer)ed.

The hot new idea among people who think about "journalism," and the sanctity thereof: let's ban linking, on the internet! Let's also ban wheels, in order to save the horse industry. Let's also ban talking about things!

The rumor we reported earlier today about Gannett Newspapers laying off thousands was true. According to the Wall Street Journal, Gannett plans to cut between 1000 and 2000 jobs in the coming days. [Google/AP]

In your censorious Tuesday media column: A Russian journalist dies after an attack, Fox Business Network hires only the best financial experts, dumb high school censorship, and newspapers all dying as usual.

Gannett, America's largest newspaper publisher, has already written down the value of its papers by almost $6 billion and instituted mandatory furloughs this year. But it could get worse—are thousands of layoffs coming next week?

Well you knew this was coming after the LA Times got scooped in their own backyard—An article went up yesterday on their website wondering, "How would we have reacted if TMZ had been wrong about Michael Jackson's death?"

In your sad Monday media column: the New York Times will limp along a little longer, Iran locks up journalists while they're engrossed in Twitter, Tim Rutten is predictable, and the television industry loses a couple billion, no biggie.

Today was Dan Froomkin's last day with the Washington Post, who canned him despite his being generally one of the better things about that paper. And why did they can him? There are theories!

In your overwhelmed Friday media column: Iran just arrests everyone, for reporting, Conde Nast's September prayers will not be answered, a new chairman at the FCC, and the Mark Sanford source remains at large.