The Philadelphia Inquirer is a bankrupt paper run by a greedy Republican flack. They're going to save themselves by hiring America's most unpopular and/ or idiotic Republicans as columnists:

Hello, Pink Lady! David Geffen, the wealthy friend of Dorothy, wants to buy the New York Times. Fantastic news for the paper's gay mafia.

The New York Times and Washington Post are in informal talks about the online news business. The obvious subtext: The newspapers want Google to pay for their headlines. They're going about it all wrong.

In your modernist Monday media column: Print porn gets desperate, Metro leaves America, reporters now work in coffee shops, and your dumb college newspaper articles are all on your permanent record:

Twitter has now replaced press releases at the New York Times. The paper is just wrapping up a "strategy" presentation to the newsroom, which is helpfully being live-twitted. Let's listen in! [UPDATED below]:

• Star Trek reeled in $76 million at the box office this weekend. [WSJ]
• Metro is selling off its collection of free (and money-losing) newspapers to Seabay Media, a company controlled by Metro's former CEO. [WaPo]
• Playboy says it's planning to make "radical changes" to the mag, and may raise prices as well as reduce the number of issues it prints every year. [Folio]
• Jon Stewart is creating a two-hour special for the History Channel. [B&C]
• Lit agent Larry Kirshbaum is shopping a memoir by Rafael Nadal. [Crain's]
• More speculation the Sulzbergers will be forced to give up the Times. [NYP]
• Speaking of the Times, a San Francisco organization paid columnist Tom Friedman $75,000 for a speech he's given before (and which is online). [SFC]
• Brit chef Jamie Oliver and Ryan Seacrest are working on a new reality show for ABC that will "give healthy makeovers to an entire city." Be afraid. [THR]

Could shady Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim become the New York Times Co.'s biggest shareholder in the next couple of years? Sure he could, easy! It all depends how greedy the (broke-ish) young Sulzberger kids are:

In your survivalist Thursday media column: Domino staffers sell their swag, Boston Globe staffers give in, magazine staffers pull pranks, and more:

The creator of the brilliant television series The Wire today asked Congress to legalize monopolistic collusion by newspapers. Only they can really cover City Hall, he said. Apparently he hasn't been there in a while.

Mort Zuckerman thinks letting newspapers run bingo games will save journalism. Let's see if his own newspaper is competent enough to run promotional games!

In your desperate Wednesday media column: Baseball writer fired at baseball game, a Harpers ripoff, News Corp has big plans like everybody else, and even more!:

Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the Kindle DX, a large-screen e-reader, today at the site of the New York Times's former headquarters in Lower Manhattan. The message: He's the future and newspapers are the past.

• Walt Disney reported that profits plunged 46% last quarter. [Variety, WSJ]
• Mort Zuckerman's plan to save newspapers involves bingo. Really! [NYM]
• The New York Times Co. has reached a deal with the unions at the Boston Globe, although it may take a few weeks to vote on the compromise. [E&P]
• NBC's Washington headquarters is contaminated with asbestos! [NYO]
• Tricky Dylan Ratigan isn't joining ABC after all. He's going to MSNBC. [Gawker]
• Michael Wolff may hate the New York Times, but if it weren't for the Times, he'd probably have nothing to rant about on his unknown website. [HP]
• Amazon unveiled its fancy, new Kindle reader today. [NYT, E&P]

Leave it to the tabloid sensationalists at the New York Times Co. and in the Boston Globe newsroom to make labor negotiations exciting. Their complex labor deal to save the paper is TOP SECRET.

This memo just went out to staffers at the New York Times. Five percent is just the beginning, guys!

In your eye-watering Tuesday media column: Advertising plunges, newspapers fiddle and burn, The Onion's boss tells em why he's mad, son, and DC reporters are hopelessly Obama-crushing:

Professional media beef-starter Michael Wolff is starting another beef! It's just what he does. Today's target: NYT media columnist David Carr, who Wolff says "I've never personally liked very much." We know why, Michael!

• New York Times union members approved a five percent pay cut last night, which takes effect today. Meanwhile, the NYT will resume negotiations with the Boston Globe's largest union at 5pm this afternoon. [NYP, E&P]
• The Onion is killing off its LA and San Francisco print editions. [Gawker, MP]
• How desperate has NBC become? Execs have announced that Jay Leno "is not afraid to experiment with live commercials and with sponsorships." [AdAge]
• Better news for NBC: It scored big with its coverage of the Derby. [NYP]
• Ad spending in the fourth quarter fell 9.2% from a year earlier. [WSJ]
• Writers gathered last night to say goodbye to the Times' City section. [NYO]

An Onion staffer whispers to us that the humor publication has already laid off editorial and sales staff for its Los Angeles and San Francisco print editions, which will, said the staffer, cease publication.

So many reporters leaving their jobs now. What are they becoming? Hippies, and paranoid types: