So last night adult film auteur Tristan Taormino held a party to celebrate Chemistry, her "sexually experimental, uncensored Hi-Def first Vivid movie." Knowing your insatiable desire for hot girl-on-girl action, we sent a cameraman over to the event: the results are pretty much what you'd expect. This clip is in no way safe for work, although it's certainly less offensive than the Sean Delonas cartoons we've been posting lately. (Note: Tristan isn't featured in the clip, but she did tell us that she loves Gawker, which is pretty damn close to getting an endorsement from Thomas Pynchon, isn't it?) Get your cheap thrills after the jump.

If you find yourself whimpering with withdrawal at the knowledge that you have to wait a full week for another Blue States Lose, consider this the hipster-photo equivalent of scraping out the tar from inside the pipe, just to get you to the next fix. Epicenter of naughtiness Fleshbot has exclusive preview boobie pics from Merlin Bronques's Last Night's Party book. Absolutely NSFW — expect prodigious udders and fondling of same — but then, you knew all that already.

We respectfully requested you join us in objecting to a tired media trope — bloggers awkwardly posed with laptops in a way meant to communicate the essence of blogginess — and we received many amens. Plenty of forgotten classics out there, each more grating than the last. Tighten up your angry-gland and journey after the jump for an annotated voyage through this vale of irritation. We'd like to stress again that we're not so much mocking the subjects of these photos, as we are protesting this tired, dorky setup. Beware one small bit of NSFWness in the traditional sense.

Ever since the MisShapes party vamoosed, downtown hellmouth Luke & Leroy has been strugglin' a little. Its Saturday-night MisShapes party replacement, Rated X, goes straight for the gonads with enthusiastic amateur nudity. The hipsters are still drawn in droves, MisShapes or no; many probably haven't even noticed the change in party management. Except that they take their clothes off a lot. For money. Unfortunate Gawker videographer Richard Blakeley recorded the hoopla surrounding their most recent (and highly debatable) "Best Body" contest. Top prize went to a twee young male carrying neither body fat nor shame, while the gal Richard brought to the gala went to his roommate after one drink. Drama! Oh yes, did we mention the boobies? They're there. The clip's NSFW, if you haven't figured that out yet.

^{Sinead is the one with the bottle, clearly.}

In two weeks, I turn twenty-four. I've made a man orgasm from kicking him in the balls and brought another to climax by tying him to a coat rack with a necktie and sticking a dildo up his ass. Sometimes dicks are like peppermills I grind to pay the rent, and sometimes they're just good company.

French clothier Shai has made a name for itself not so much with its products as with its hardcore porn online video catalogs. Porning up your morning is easy — just choose your preferred gender combo, and the selected models briefly repose in a Shai ensemble before stripping and going at it like the pornstars they actually are. (This is about as NSFW as it gets, so consider yourself warned.) Oh yeah, you can actually find out about the clothes during their brief appearance; mousing over the green dots freezes the video and brings up details on the relevant article. Fleshbot was on this months ago of course, but it took the Los Angeles Times to bring us the money quote from our national purveyor of adversexuality, American Apparel. Wonderfully named AA spokesperson Alexandra Spunt quoth:

Confident that she's honed her acting chops sharper than a coke-flecked razor blade on the whetstone of Herbie: Fully Loaded and fifteen minutes on the set of Robert Altman's A Prairie Home Companion, Lindsay Lohan accepts her greatest challenge yet: trying to remember her lines while staring into Jared Leto's pretty, vacant eyes. According to today's Variety, Lohan has signed on to star opposite rumored real-life hump-buddy Leto in Chapter 27, a film about the murder of John Lennon. Leto will channel Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman, while Lohan plays a Lennon fan who gets friendly with Chapman right before he kills the pop icon. The pairing should make for some fascinating conversation on the shoot, with Leto reclining in his trailer, idly strumming a guitar, and musing, "Like, I'm a musician? So I totally understand what it's like to have all these people love you, and, like, have one jealous dude who wants to kill you? I can connect with that. So, like, I'm coming at this from both sides. It's a total mindfuck." To which Lohan will coo, "Totally, baby. Um, also, you're laying on my hair?"

There's really no more satisfying way to kick off a Wednesday morning than to take an inventory of items affixed to Paris Hilton's ass. The tail is a clear indication to potential mates that she's ready to screw like a rabbit, but the nearby birth-control patch suggests that this bunny doesn't completely ignore her reproductive health. Not pictured: twin tubes of Astroglide replacing the costume's original set of boring, fuzzy ears.