We have to just come right out and say it: all the feverish excitement you tipsters have been evincing over Parisexposed.com strikes us as a tad unseemly. The deal, as Fleshbot told us, is that Paris abandoned all of this incriminating shit in a storage locker, then forgot to pay the bill. For $39.97, you can see Paris's boobs (again), Paris snorting $5K worth of coke off a fat guy's torso, Paris smoking weed (again), Paris smoking a tampon (we assume that after she figured out her mix-up, no one else wanted a hit of that joint), and, apparently, untold other riches. Or you can look at these photos Radar's got, watch this free trailer, and not feel like a complete fucking jackass when you get your AmEx bill next month. Your call. Seriously, ask yourself: what would Lloyd Grove do?

This morning brought news of Cocktail Weekly, Bauer's attempt to provide a service book for a twenty-something female audience. Lost in the report was any word of another title Bauer's bringing out, which seems odd: They've got their eye on an underserved (albeit undersized) demographic who are an ideal receptive group for ads from the pharmaceutical, high-end audio, and luxury automobile industries. We've obtained a copy of the first issue's cover; click to enlarge. [Vaguely NSFW, if you're, like, a teacher or a priest or something.]

Today's Sun article about a rivalry between long-lauded UWS boob mecca Town Shop and upstart Bra Smyth fascinated us for all of twelve seconds until we realized that there would be no photos of Town Shop's famous hands-on bra-fitting procedure. We were also surprised — well, okay, fake-surprised — that the Sun implied that the Upper West Side is our city's only tit district:

As you know, our well-wishes are with Lindsay Lohan, who entered the Wonderland Center rehab clinic yesterday. We respect her privacy during this difficult time. Alas, other media outlets aren't being quite as sensitive as we are. Take the Daily News, for example, which not only splashed Lindsay all over its cover, but used the tattered starlet's film Herbie: Fully Loaded as an excuse to run a mean "Fully Loaded Lindsay Enters Rehab" headline. But that's not all: later in the article, a graph begins:

There's a piece in today's Post promoting a sex survey to be published jointly this month by Esquire and Marie Claire (and what a meeting of the minds that must have been). The less-than-stunning study on The Way We Fuck Now is pretty standard fare: Men like to have it from behind, women are attracted to "kindness," everyone likes 'Net porn, etc. What's more interesting to us is the Post's bizarre house style on when it uses air quotes: "Do it" and "doing it" get the treatment, while doggy-style and missionary (which Postie Dan Mangan apparently finds to be "plain vanilla") are unencumbered by the punctuation. We can't quite get our "head" around it.

Relentless self-promoter/professional hymen-regenerator Dawn Eden wants to make sure we're aware of the following:

It's not news that the Modern Love column is typically an example of the Times turning into the world's creepiest personal ads section. But this weekend's entry was probably one of the off-the-charts ickiest; it concerns Columbia student Ashley Cross, whose affair with an accused rapist changed her mind about a lot of things:

Okay, we know we asked for Sean Delonas before, but this is much, much better. Ladies and gentlemen, from the people who brought you Journalist Gets Tased and Publicist Gets Tased, we are proud to direct you to Rack Gets Tased. This is pretty much how our dreams play out every night, so it's nice to see in real life.

Salon's got an excerpt of Neal Pollack's Alternadad up, and as is their wont, they've published the section in which Pollack debates whether or not to circumcise his son. In it, we learn that he's got a bit of a mommy complex and that he and his wife neglected to discuss circumcision until the week before their son was born. He's also, kindly, provided us with a lovely description of circumcision, in case you were curious:

Way off our geographical radar, but this has such obvious local application. Tel Aviv "creative co-op" VeeCee has launched a campaign to bring down inflated rents by infesting overpriced neighborhoods with cardboard prostitutes. "More whores in your neighborhood = lower rent prices." Flickr set here, "making of" video here. Hard to argue with the premise, though one could insert a caveat about the quality of the whores, plus context. Nominally "real" but essentially cardboard whores certainly haven't hurt rents in the Meatpacking District.

Yesterday, we directed you to the sexploits of Confessions of a Bareback Top, a blogger who writes, in excruciating detail, about his unsafe hookups with other men, including one in that temple of all that is holy on the Upper East Side, Barneys. Our usually unflappable readers were duly flapped about his graphic descriptions of the sex he's been having all around town, so we decided, as a public service, to get in touch with Mr. Top to find out exactly what makes him tick. Unsurprisingly, the responses we got to our questions were ... Well, let's just say that the easily offended and/or under 18 should probably not click through to the jump, as there's more NSFW gabbery there (though no photos, sorry!) than we've ever posted. Ever.

What's not to love about S magazine, a Denmarkian publication specializing in "high-end erotic fashion photography"? They launched in the U.S. last night with their fourth issue, debuting a show of sexomofied pics at Milk Gallery, and our own Nikola Tamindzic was on duty. If there's a MisShape in attendance, you know the proceedings must be hawt. Plus Page Six's Richard Johnson! Hotelmonger Andre Balazs! And maybe that guy from Franz Ferdinand! A few background NSFW images, but mostly it's just hipsters pawing at models, and (reluctantly, we imagine) vice versa. Check out our gallery of record, plus Nikola's own version, then go take a shower and buy yourself a nice clean copy of Elle.

If you've thrilled to the cultural tipping point known as Courtney Love's book Dirty Blonde, then you'll be chilled to see the long-awaited nude author photos finally surfacing in a "fashion" shoot for Britmag Pop. We hate to present this as the first item of the day, but really, if you click through and look, don't expect any sympathy from us. Super-duper NSFW.

Our f-buddies at Fleshbot are dispensing with the dance of seduction and asking you, directly and upfront, to get naked. They've inaugurated the weekly Fleshbot Star Search, presenting a new model au naturale for your scientific observation, courtesy of our own Nikola Tamindzic. Aspiring subjects based in New York City and over 18 years of age may submit to be featured — males, females, and "couples of any combination" welcome. Go on, take it off. You're so beautiful when you let go!

We don't know about you, but we've been thinking of one thing only since the Britney divorce news broke (seriously, Democrats whaa? BRITNEY!): what, exactly, kept Brit stuck in a K-hole so long, besides the fact that she was perpetually pregs? It was the greasy, cheeto-flavored sexin', right? Well, now we can all judge for ourselves: our whorey brother has thoughtfully posted nineteen seconds of what purports to be the famous Britney sex tape. We were suspicious, but it does look an awful lot like her overplucked eyebrows and greasy, Nice'n'Easy black hair hovering over a respectably large, uncircumcised ween (you just know K-Fed is uncut.) To get the goods, you'll have to head on over to Fleshbot (again, for like the fourth time today already, we know).

In lieu of context, please accept this "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!"

This LifeStyles condom ad has been around the YouTube block, but it has a particular New York real-estate resonance — once you get past the unfeasibly gigantic apartment, of course. Requires audio to appreciate, but especially free of visual context, it's probably NSFW.

Intrepid Gawker photographer Nikola Tamindzic didn't stop with just three Halloween parties. Oh no. Last night, Nikola hit two more, these obviously more calendar-appropriate. First up is the Shindig party at the LES's Videloand, a cobbled-together space that was so dank that Nikola's camera occasionally manifested an "until-now-unseen '70s foggy soft-focus look." Enjoy the soft focus here (with Nikola's gallery here). Beyond that, the Motherfucker party lay in wait with a bloody-prom Carrie theme at the Roxy. Completely NSFW, including abortion humor; view the gallery at your own risk (or risk even more for Nikola's version). If you dare, you can also view all this year's accumulated Team Party Crash Halloween photos in one giant gallery. Now, start working on those Thanksgiving costumes.

You ask for pubes, we give you pubes. After the jump, the nekkid picture of Annie Leibovitz from this month's Vanity Fair. Unlike Newsweek, the mag does mention Annie's Sapphic splendor. Good for them. [WARNING: Image not safe for work, or anyone with a delicate constitution.]

As a final farewell to Paris Fashion Week, which brought us the runway debut of "Velvet d'Amour's" monolithic talents for designer Jean Paul Gaultier as well as Karl Lagerfeld's dislike of fat French chicks, we present the climactic offering from oddball clothier Hussein Chalayan. It's a pretty funky hat, to be sure, but the real NSFW sizzle of the ensemble awaits after the jump.