Crime is down in the Modern Gomorrah, but not everyone has accepted it.

The New York Post continues its vigorous defense of All Cops Everywhere from the extremely rude Quentin Tarantino, reporting today that the director never actually spent any time in jail, despite repeated claims over many years that he spent at least 8 days in Los Angeles County lockup for traffic tickets.

As a huge rally unfolds in Staten Island Saturday afternoon in memory of Eric Garner, who died after being put in a chokehold last month by an NYPD cop, the New York Post has something different to say about New York's boys in blue: three cheers for them, hurrah, hurrah. They're doing their jobs just great!

Doree Lewak, a features writer for the New York Post, published an op-ed Monday night that touted the joys and thrills of getting catcalled by New York City's finest construction workers (who appear, based on the accompanying photographs, to not ever be doing their jobs—too busy catcalling!). The article has the perfect title "Hey, ladies—catcalls are flattering! Deal with it!"

The New York Post, a bastion of journalistic integrity, gave a highly sympathetic forum to retired NYPD Detective Louis Scarcella to set the record straight after an investigation by the New York Times found that Scarcella falsified evidence and forced confessions during the 1980s and 1990s.

It's wonderful that New York state passed gay marriage legislation, but now comes the really hard part: gay weddings. Yes, all that pent up wedding planning energy in the gay community is going to come flying out in one concussive burst, and here is the first set of grooms you're going to hate a little bit.

Today the NY Post ran an article announcing the birth of Elton John's son. Sweet! Too bad they mention his "wife" in the headline. To say Elton John has a wife is homophobic, sexist, and just plain bad journalism.

The Post's totally superfluous Page Six Magazine comes out tomorrow with a cover story about Madonna's former boytoy Jesus Luz. The problem is no one wants to hear him talk. And when he does, he sounds like a fool.

The New York Post's gossip column Page Six issued a correction today but it still hasn't caught two mistakes it made the day before yesterday. Is new editor Emily Smith really ready to take over the storied gossip column?

Since it was the most important sociological event of our time (and a ratings success) there will inevitably be dozens of new reality shows trying to rip it off. Just stop now. These are always horrible ideas.

Fame has come for Snooki, and like any unconventional looking woman who's landed in the spotlight, someone feels the need to make over her image into one of bland conformity. This time it's Inside Edition and the results are frightening.

NY Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams had no news today because she hasn't had a scoop since the Paleozoic Era. She has resorted to asking psychics what the gossip of the future will be. The answers will shock you.

Someone trashed Jon Gosselin's Upper West Side apartment. It was either his ex-girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, seeking revenge or him seeking attention. Their lawyers disagree! So does the press! Who to believe in this very important case?

The lovely gentleman punching Jersey Shore guidette Snooki in the viral video clip has been ID'd: he's a gym teacher in Queens. This could end no other way.

NY Post sexxxy columnist Andrea Peyser takes to her page of hate today to tell everyone to stop hating gay-hating cabbie Maedhat Mohamed. But wait? Wasn't it her own paper that told us to hate him in the first place?

We warned you against those played-out costumes. Why not go as a NY Post reader?

We must have looked like idiots this morning on the subway holding page 35 of the NY Post up to our nose. Why the curiosity? Cause it looks like they ran a really big picture of Jennifer Aniston's vag!

A tipster pointed out that the scribe of today NY Post's puff piece on Stephen Moyers failed to disclose that she and the True Blood star have a child together. How does our tipster get this juicy info?

A tipster writes: