Yesterday afternoon, at the Van Siclen Avenue train stop in Brooklyn, a mother, momentarily distracted, turned away from her baby's stroller; just then, a "sudden gust of wind" blew the stroller and its nine month-old passenger onto the train tracks below. A train was coming! Someone... anyone... please!

The whole "big idea" behind having a system of public schools to educate our nation's children is that the public schools are free to attend. We pay taxes, and those taxes pay for schools. The schools are open to all the kids, for free. If you're paying money in order to attend a school, that's called a private school. New system: all schools are private!

How many people do you reckon were hit by subway trains in New York City last year? Five? Eleven? Fourteen? Twenty-six? Thirty-seven? Forty? Forty-two? Forty-three? Forty-five? Forty-eight? Fifty-one? Any of those numbers? How about fifty-four, then? Fifty-five? Fifty-nine? Yes? Well, you're wrong.

On the mean streets of the gritty city, nothing is as it seems. The welcoming avenues of beautiful Brooklyn host a barely-concealed ecosystem of predators, ready to attack any sign of weakness. The Brooklyn Paper's police blotter offers us the grimmest of lessons, that we may not need to learn the hard way.

Animal New York's Bucky Turco, NYC's leading digger-in-police-station-trash-cans, has pulled yet another load of internal NYPD training documents out of a police station trash site.

Smooth move by thinspirational pro-ana billionaire Mike Bloomberg: he'll ban big huge sodas that poor people drink, sure, but don't worry, people who actually vote and/ or donate money to political campaigns—your precious huge syrupy Starbucks quote sweetened coffee beverages unquote will be safe, because they contain milk.

Sophia Anderson is 21 years old. She lives in Brooklyn. She works as a waitress. That's right: hipster alert. Big time. And just like your average hipster, Sophia Anderson drove a red Mercedes-Benz CLK 320 into a house on Long Island last night.

Today, in the year 2012, long after Martin Luther King Jr. and all those other guys marched and stuff, there still exists, right here in New York City, the type of discrimination that would have made Sojourner Truth stand up and say, "I don't think so!" [Pause for laughter.] That's right: salons are charging dudes different prices than women, for stuff, sometimes.

Meet Eric Kelly: former boxing champion, current extremely embittered trainer of white collar boxers who suck. If they don't know they suck, Eric Kelly makes sure to tell them, and tell them, and tell them. "Yeah they're making money, working on Wall Street," says Eric of his students, "But in their mouth is where all the balls meet." Eric Kelly is genuinely hilarious, assuming you are not one of his students.

The scene in the East Village this afternoon looked a lot like this one, from The Wicker Man. Traffic was at a virtual standstill as police worked to contain the massive beehive in a tree at Bowery and First. At least a dozen people filmed alongside me, plenty of more snapped pictures and even more passersby inquired what the hell was going on to the bystanders. One woman thought the building was being robbed. There was little to no buzzing heard.

Are you super excited for the Great GoogaMooga festival in Brooklyn this weekend, where the chefs are the real rock stars? Fuck you.

The NYPD's "stop and frisk" program has garnered criticism in the past, in part because it is essentially one big "Racism License: Hunt Anyone That Your Personal Prejudices Cause You to Deem as 'Suspicious' At Will" license for NYPD officers, who are not, as a group, known for their unerring sense of racial fairness. In other news, the numbers show the stop and frisk program is being used racist-ly.

Last year, 24 year-old Michael Ikoli was shot and killed in the Bronx. Wednesday night, his friends held a candlelight vigil in remembrance of him outside his old apartment. At that vigil, Jonathan Lewis, 22, was shot and killed.

Do me a favor: do not stand in the walkway. Stand off to the side there. Don't stand right in the middle of the sidewalk. Don't stand right in the middle of the steps. Don't stand right in the middle of the escalator. Don't stand right in the middle of that path, the main one, where everyone is walking.

It's been five days since former NYPD officer Michael Pena was found guilty of drunkenly sexually assaulting a Manhattan woman at gunpoint. Is New York ready for a week without a rape cop?

NYPD officer Michael Pena was found guilty of sexual assault yesterday for drunkenly kidnapping a Manhattan woman off the street and sexually assaulting her in an alleyway last summer. Pena's novel "didn't mean to" defense apparently did not work. Huh.

The question has been asked ever since the first wet-behind-the-ears whelp fresh from Ireland stumbled off a boat at New York Harbor, dying from scurvy: When does someone become a real New Yorker?

Ariel Kaminer's story about Jennifer Westfeldt's films in the latest issue of the New York Times Magazine explains that, whereas Westfeldt's last two movies were set "in a storied version of New York, where people shop at Zabar's and bump into one another's psychotherapists and are yelled at by lovably grouchy white taxi drivers," her new film has moved on to more vital territory:

What is undisputed is this: W. Bryan Jennings, an investment banker with Morgan Stanley, got a cab to drive him from his office in Manhattan back to his home in Darien, Connecticut. In Darien, Jennings proceeded to pull out a pen knife and stab the driver in the hands. Why?

The message boards of UrbanBaby.com are home to some of the most self-loathing, wealthy, haughty, and miserable parents in all of America. Or are they? Even to our keen internet eyes, it is sometimes impossible to tell whether an UrbanBaby poster is a rich person, or a troll impersonating a rich person. Can you help?