To the list of surprisingly highbrow NYC places with bedbugs, you can add Lincoln Center. The creatures have been spotted in the David Koch Theater. Borne in on hems of trollops' gowns, borne out soon enough to gallop about town.

When a friend downtown texts with a Woody Allen sighting, the gang decides that a "true New Yorker" wouldn't care. This spawns a discussion about which public transportation system is fastest and inspires an episode-long race through Manhattan.

Tonight, Jon Stewart opened with a segment about the midterm elections. The focus of a portion of that segment was homophobic New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino, and Stewart didn't hold back when mocking Paladino's ridiculous hypocrisy. Video inside.

Two unexpected things happened on tonight's Factor. The first: Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly disagreed about something. Heatedly! The second: the thing they disagreed about was Carl Paladino. Bonus: Coulter thinks that Paladino's homophobic outburst actually helped him. Video inside.

Here's a video of a few body paint-laden women crawling around creepily to the tone of eerie music and equally eerie noises. Is it a music video intro? A short film? Nope—apparently, it's the scariest event promo ever.

Police have arrested seven Bronx men ranging in age from 16 to 23 on charges that they lured three gay men to an apartment and beat and tortured them last weekend.

A 23 year-old transgender woman was arrested on a parole violation, and (mistakenly?) placed with male prisoners in a Manhattan jail. There, she says, she was repeatedly sexually assaulted by a guard. Which is apparently standard and expected.

The Way We Live Now: emerging from the world's longest tunnel, blind and groping. We can't find decent cities. We can't find stable currencies. We can't find the hill going up. But the hill going down—that one never quits.

New Yorkers, the price of your Metrocard just went up 17%.

The NYPD has released security camera footage of two suspects in last week's murder of weed-selling Pace University student Max Moreno in his financial district high rise. Seen these guys? Don't sell them weed. Call the police instead. [Previously]

Last February, Matt Ruby filmed I Need Laughs, documenting a typical week for him as an underground comic. Through performances at booked shows and open mics, Ruby allows viewers a glimpse into a world to which outsiders are rarely exposed.

Two men found shot dead execution-style in their SUV near Union Square in Manhattan yesterday were each witnesses to separate murders in NYC last year—but cops don't think that's why they were killed.

Max Moreno was a 21 year-old Pace University business student who cops say was selling weed out of his luxury apartment in the Financial District. Wednesday morning, two people ran up in his apartment and shot him dead.

NYC elementary school teacher Melissa Petro's been "reassigned to administrative work" after writing publicly about her past work as a prostitute. But the tabloids aren't done with her. Would you believe she got tenure? After admitting to ess-ee-exxx?

Grand larcenies in the NYC subway system were up 15% last month, and police say it's all thanks to one devious crime: people grabbing your iPhone, or iPod, or other iThing, and running away. Do you never learn, trendsetters?

Celebrities: scaredy-cats! Turns out it's not just paranoid right-wing action star wannabes like Roger Ailes and Sean Hannity who are licensed to carry guns. So do a host of other New York celebrities. What is Marc Anthony so scared of?

Muslim cabbie-stabber Michael Enright told cops he was a "patriot." And: "I need my mother."

Those working tirelessly to stop the stereotyping of Italian Americans in the media won't be too happy about this.

Has the greatest city in the greatest country on earth really succumbed to blatant dogophobia? Sadly, it appears that a "dog-hating regime" has been allowed to take control in a ritzy Manhattan con-dog-minium. Going to the dogs? Doggone!

Distracted driving! Farmer's foods! Punjabi sports! Lifeguard texting! Halal beef beef! Free water! Greek yogurt! Cold virus obesity! And the indomitable spirit of the human soul! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—with intervals of approval!