Randy Quaid—the Beard Quaid, the Sex Tape Quaid, the Squatting Quaid, the Not-Dennis Quaid—was arrested Wednesday in Montreal by Canada Border Services agents, the CBC reports. It’s Quaid’s second arrest in Canada this year.

A Québec porn star has agreed to host a "sex marathon" on the condition that the company filming it will pay for her new boobs. The objectif of Zoe Zebra's boule-o-thon, the first boule-0-thon in the entire monde, is pretty straightforward: "25 ejaculations!"

What quaint cultural confusion is taking place in Canada today? "Adrian Wu's Message Baffles Audience," reports The Toronto Star.

Here is a scientific water use chart proving that everyone in Edmonton ran out to pee at the end of every period in the Olympic gold medal hockey game. Unironically beloved NY1 newsman Pat Kiernan is pushing this chart, HARD.

Outrage: people are making porn films at WWI monuments! At the Canadian National Vimy Memorial (pictured), a couple "stripped naked and performed sex acts beside the soaring stone structure," taped it, and put it on an online pay site. A police spokesman said, "It is a problem which appears to be getting worse -people appear to get a perverse pleasure out of this behaviour." Strange! Only a freak could believe that this noble structure's design connotes sexual organs somehow. But you have to think: if the spirits of all those deceased young guys really do rest in that monument, they wouldn't mind a little action once in a while. [Telegraph UK]

Our progressive neighbors to the North — they of universal health care and stealthy American media insurgency — may yet cede their place among North America's movie industry vanguard. The Toronto Globe and Mail reports that the country's Conservative leadership wants no part of backing "any film or television show that it deems offensive or not in the public's best interest - even if government agencies have invested in them." Naturally the Canadian left is mortified envisioning a future sans even the tamest of subversive exports. "Would this committee put money into Juno?" asks Toronto lawyer David Zitzerman. "It might not want to encourage teen pregnancy. Would the government put money into a film with a dirty title, like Young People Fucking? Would they invest in something like Brokeback Mountain? They might not want to encourage gay cowboys to have sex together in Alberta." Hollywood studio heads, having long endured the repercussions of Canadian filth from Strange Brew to Paul Haggis, were rumored to vigorously laud the move in a conference call Thursday.