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PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Kiefer Sutherland lingering for an uncomfortably long time in the deli meats section of your local market.

In this week's episode: Luke Wilson; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones; Heath Ledger; Jake Gyllenhaal; Salma Hayek; Kate Beckinsale; Kiefer Sutherland; Jessica Simpson; Stephen Dorff and Lisa Rinna; Cindy Crawford; Steve Martin; Jenny McCarthy; Chloe Sevigny; Nicollette Sheridan; Traci Lords; Jason Lee; David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin; Eric Roberts; Joey Slotnick; Steven Page and Dax Shepherd; Master P. and Danny Bonaduce.

· sighting on saturday afternoon 6/17... luke wilson and his girlfriend politely cutting in line in front of us at neptune's net in malibu. it appeared to be a quick pit stop to pick up two cans of bud light. they got the two cans and walked out the restaurant. a minute later luke walked back in and asked the bus boy if he had seen his 'girlfriend' and is describing her physical appearance when she pops up behind him (she was apparently using the icky port-a-potty bathroom facilities at neptune's net that not even i could bear). the two immediately hopped into his porche and drove away, bud light in tow. not sure if the two cans were for the road or for a romantic light domestic toast on the beach.

· i had lunch at la piazza at the grove in los angeles on saturday june 17 around noon. sitting directly behind me? michael douglas and catherine zeta-jones plus their two kids. I did not turn around to gawk, but did hear them talking from time to time. a friend at my table said that catherine stepped away to take a call at one point and left michael with the kids. they had a time trying to get the kids to eat and apparently michael put one of the kids on his lap and tried to get the kid to eat some pizza. i only saw them as they exited the restaurant. michael was wearing a purple polo shirt, khakis, sunglasses and had the beginnings of a beard. He carried one of their children out of the restaurant. catherine was low-key in a tank top, long flowing skirt... had her hair pulled back in a bun, no make-up that i could tell, and sunglasses. i probably would not have recognized them if i'd seen them somewhere else. our service was a little slow since most of the servers were dividing their time between gawking at the aforementioned family and the world cup match on the television upstairs. they were the only celebs I spotted while in LA, but hey, at least they were A-list!

· Saw Heath Ledger at the West Hollywood Pavillions on his way out, thanking someone for a compliment he had obviously received. Not as short as I had expected, maybe 5' 10", with an absolutely flawless golden complexion, blond hair and a "I'm really a nice guy, but please don't recognize me" sort of look on him (Unlike the patented Piven "You're a nobody, don't look at me" thing).

· Sunday June 18: Saw Jake Gyllenhaal at the weekly Hollywood Farmers Market at Selma and Ivar. He was being stalked by two overweight photographers with telephoto lenses. He turned tail and ran when he saw them.

· I grabbed a glass of wine by the bar at Café Stella in Silver Lake Wednesday night (6-21), where about half the time, you'll spot someone famous. That night, it was Salma Hayek at a corner table, in the midst of an intense discussion with her three male companions. About what, who knows—life, love, art, monobrows—at least that's what I imagine Salma Hayek talks about.

· Kate Beckinsale getting back to her British roots at the Kings Head pub in Santa Monica on Saturday. Weren't there rumblings her and hubbie Len Wiseman were on the rocks? She looked pretty happy hanging with him, her daughter and some random and I don't think she's a good enough actress to have been faking it...

· I saw Kiefer Sutherland & a lady friend yesterday (6/18) at the Mayfair Market at Franklin & Bronson. He was on the deli aisle when I came in & still there when I left 15 minutes later.

· Tuesday - Jessica Simpson walking in Beverly Hills. Flat, pancake butt. At T-Mobile party that night, magically had round, pronounced butt. She must wear "butt pads/silicone butt inserts" as worn in Daisy Dukes in Dukes of Hazzard.

She and two sycophantic girl friends at The Griddle on Sunset. Small frame, giant head and MASSIVE BOOBS, each one bigger than her already large head. I don't know what they were talking about at the table, but for someone with a reputation for being dumb, Jessica seemed able to keep up with the entire conversation.

· Lisa Rinna from Dancing with the Stars and friend having dinner at Nobu in Malibu on Wednesday 6/14, across from them at another table was Stephen Dorff with older random people eating as well.

· Wilshire, just east of Robertson. A BLS BMW 7-Series idles in front of slightly-vampiric skin guru Christina Radu's office (I've seen that woman up close and it looks likes she drinks blood, and it looks like its good for her skin). A tall woman of a certain age steps from the door and toward the car, Greek fishing hat, low rider jeans, small t-shirt. The face looks familiar, pretty, no make-up and has that reddish "I've just been worked over" swelling and flush. It takes a minute, and then its "that's Cindy Crawford." Wow, she looks pretty good for post-facial, no make-up, broad daylight. Into the car and off she goes. Maybe to get ready for the Playboy party she never got
into at her husband's bar...

· Was at Franklin Canyon reservoir and who should drive up but Steve Martin! He looked plain as can be in a white Lexus. I must have looked ridiculous openly staring at him but what can you do, it's STEVE MARTIN! He was ready to go mountain biking apparently. Looked good for his age. He smiled nicely at my irritating stare — and as I walked away I could hear people shouting "Steve Martin! We love you!" His small car was quite different from the usual big black shiny Merc. His head is really big.

Saw Jenny McCarthy at the Whole Foods on Riverside. She had her sunglasses on, no makeup, with her tyke in the shopping cart. This was before the Jim Carrey tongue pics. She looked hot, even with no makeup and sweats. Not the greatest skin, however. Cute kid.

· Leaving the Pet Store in Victor's Square (Bronson and Franklin) at about 4PM Sunday and spot Chloe Sevigny walking into the local dry cleaner. She's wearing a very "Chloe" outfit - gray 80s, asymmetrical lycra top a la Danskin with bold graphic black and white striped mid thigh shorts. No make-up. Showing bold nipples on small low slung breasts. She leaves the dry cleaner and gets into a green Land Rover Discovery, a very "Darian, Connecticut" car. Not a hybrid, not really "bling." Hmmm,

· I was driving home up in the Hills of Beachwood, lamenting (property values aside) what the rise of Hollywood and Vine has done to the neighborhood (making it into what Sunset Plaza was in the mid-90s), and noticed a purple (!) Lamborghini Gallardo parked two doors down. I make a mental note that this is really proving my point. As I get closer, I see that the entire right side is smashed, one end to another. Closer still, I see a front plate made of duct tape and custom H.I.M logos painted on the car and go "fuck, its that Bam Margera loser, hope he's just visiting..." Over the next two days, I see the car three more times in the 'hood. Not a good sign. As Johnny Knoxville lives about a mile up, it sadly makes sense that BAM might be living here now... Ugh!

· Monday, June 18 Nicollette Sheridan and friends munching from a brown box of Cmpartes Cocolates next door on the patio of Srtino restaurant in Bentwood.

· 6/20 Traci Lords at Sport Chalet in the Beverly Connection. She was sort of hiding as I complained to them for not letting me make a $5 purchase with my AmEx and only a xerox of my driver's license. She was very conservatively dressed.

· 6/16, around 6:30pm, was driving west on Sunset Blvd. to get to the Arclight. We were driving behind a nice, shiny new Porsche. My girlfriend noticed it, and said it looked like a spy car. As we switched to the left turn lane, we passed next to it and peeked at the driver. It was Jason Lee (My Name Is Earl), with a neatly trimmed beard, looking a little better in person than on the show.

· Spotted both David Schwimmer and Cheech Marin on AA 1364 from LAX to Chicago Thursday 6/8. Schwim was inconspicuous in an electric blue track jacket and Cheech rocked the aviator sunglasses while reading US Weekly. They sat in the same row (5) but not next to each other. David also had to go to the bathroom frequently.

· Saw Eric Roberts walking towards the bike path in the Palisades on Sunday, coming from one of those all exclusive lunch places. Had to tone down the boyfriend when he said, "Oh, is he related to Julia Roberts??" and I said, "Sssh, he might here you." He looks great though. Purple trunks, nice bod and seemed pretty chill.

· Saw JOEY SLOTNICK walking down Larchmont this morning, Thursday June 22. He was carrying a coffee, bottle of water, and a newspaper. That's pretty much all I have to report. Except to say, if you have friends or relatives in from out of town and they really want to see a "star", take them to Larchmont in the mornings, especially weekends. Hang around the Starbucks/Sam's Bagel/Coffee Bean vicinity and you're virtually guaranteed a B or C level celebrity sighting of the Joey Slotnick variety.

· Tuesday June 20 around 12:30pm-

Steven Page, the lead singer of Barenaked Ladies eating lunch with a pal at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

Tuesday June 20 around 12:45pm-

Dax Shepherd, sporting a terrible looking mohawk (which hopefully is for a movie role) and a pal eating lunch at Mel's Diner on Sunset Blvd.

· I saw Master P., with large entourage in tow, at the Bed Bath and Beyond in West LA on Sunday 6/18. I was dying to see what totally mundane, normal thing he brought 15 people with him to buy ("Come on, dogs, get in the Escalade. I need a panini press, yo.") but we were left before I could see. He's really tall and his feet are size of canoes. No wonder he sucked on that dancing show.

· Saturday 2pm - Danny Bonaduce on his Harley at the corner of Franklin & Argyle. The people in the car next to him rolled down their window to say something complimentary. He said thanks and gave them a big smile before pulling away.