Remainders: Natasha Lyonne Roams Free

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Jessica

07/20/06 06:00PM

Filed to: Natasha Lyonne

This image was lost some time after publication.

• Look! Visual proof that Natasha Lyonne is alive, walking upright, not eating dogs, and looking a little thick. Dear God, is she with child? Or just pudgy? Either possibility, combined with the absence of visible sores on her face, suggests that Lyonne may be off the rock. Miracle of miracles. [Splash News]
• Columbia University is launching a full-color weekly magazine — to be edited by none other than Satan's spawn herself, Bee Shaffer. [Bwog]
• Donald Trump is seriously disappointed in Britney Spears. What fasincates us is that he had any hopes for her to begin with. [Trump University]
• Time Out defines and illustrates words like "crackberry, " "underboob," and "celebuskank" (representative example: Tara Reid, of course). Thanks, TONY — we don't know where we'd be without you. [TONY]
• Novelist Kathleen McGowan believes she is the living Da Vinci Code, a direct descendent of the union between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. We believe she's just thought of the best self-promotional pitch ever. [USA Today]
• Britain thinks we work too much. Agreed, but we have to pay for our dental insurance somehow. [Observer]
• Goldman Sachs getting into the hotel business? A Goldman Sex hotel might be more profitable. [Curbed]
• Ashton Kutcher needs to keep an eye on his second cousin. [The Oxford Project]
• Live right above Angela Chase, bump into Jordan Catalano in the elevator. [The Real Estate]
• It's not necessarily #2 at Us Weekly, but this might be just the job for Crazy Us Weekly Guy^TM. [Mediabistro]

The following replies are approved. To see additional replies that are pending approval, click Show Pending. Warning: These may contain graphic material.

Alfonso X. Alfonse Jessica 07/21/06 10:27AM

Kathleen McGowan is full of shit. That whole story is full of shit. I

read that sample chapter, and though it's marginally better writing

than Dan Brown's monstrous hackspit, it's still pretty sad. And McGowan

herself claims to "not care what the public thinks". Riiiiight. Because

when you declare yourself to be the descendant of Jesus at the same

time as your novel comes out (2nd time around, no less), it has NO

public purpose at all.

I like how when she first released the novel, it sold 2500 copies, and

now that she's the descendant of Christ and Magdalene (for which she

has DEFINITIVE PROOF - which I'm sure the world is waiting for with

baited breath), S&S are suddenly behind this "fabulous novel" (it's

not) with 275000 dollars in publicity money.

For that money, I could publicize K-Fed as the next Faulkner.

newyorkese Jessica 07/21/06 08:51AM

The only thing funnier than Donald Trump blasting Britney Spears for being tacky and classless are the comments about the post on Trump University's site. A fine example:

"Posted By: Catherine WynSculley (21/07/2006 6:30:00 AM)

Comment: Mr Trump, I love your no-nonsense straight talking. Being professional and classy with something of value to offer is crucial in business, even if it's just genuine warmth and a friendly smile to say hello and what is your life about today? I certainly learnt an important lesson here today. thank you, regards from Catherine"

I think the "important lesson" that dear reader Catherine has learned is that it is better to be an idiot on 'The Apprentice' than an idiot on 'Chaotic'.

citytropic Jessica 07/20/06 05:49PM

so thanks to Dad, a professor at themedical school, Bee got into Columbia. thanks to Mom, she's been writing inane articles for the Daily Telegraph and sitting front-row at Fashion Week since she could walk. i guess her role in this new glossy is the result of Dr. Shaffer & Ms. Wintour joining forces in bed once, 19 years ago.

Simpatia Jessica 07/21/06 09:01AM

Natsha is pregnant with a fetus made entirely of Afghan tar heroin. Both the mother and the baby are doing very well, except for the eventual shakes and eerie feelings of insects crawling under their skins.