How to talk to a Freeper, Digger, or YouGoob (if you must)
NICK DOUGLAS — As U.S. intelligence has noted, the Internet harbors millions of dangerous extremists who reject reason and order in favor of hatred and terrorism. And they just won't shut up about their Macs. I've identified three of these sects (Freepers, Diggers, and YouGoobs), profiled them, and explained how to deal with them with minimal bloodshed.
Freepers
Habitat: Free Republic
Obsession: Conservative politics
Religion: Greed, God, and Glory
Best known for: Taking down Dan Rather
How they think: Item: Dallas promotes gay-friendly tourism. Comment #3 reads, "Guess there is not a real American state left in this country anymore." #4: "Sickos!" #36: "Won't be visiting any of these cities." This site is an echo chamber, not a debate hall.
How to approach: With metaphor, preferably drawn from entertainment watched by many white males. For example, Freepers found themselves logically trapped by an episode of Battlestar Galactica. The resulting breakthroughs impressed the more reasonable (and liberal-leaning) forum members at Metafilter.
Diggers
Habitat: Digg
Obsession: Tech, Kevin Rose
Attention span: Three seconds (exception for boobies)
How they think: You are with us or you are against us. The important thing to note is that only half of Digg's users are psychopaths. The other half are intelligent, thoughtful, and reasonable. Case in point: The comments on this thread about a guy who now blocks Diggers (for clearly explained reasons, including that he never wanted this attention). An example of Mr. Awful Commenter: "This has got to be the lamest idea and most pathetic attempt to get attention." But here's Mr. Reasonable Commenter: "This guy is a genius. Props to him for posting the code too."
How to approach: Like a stranger to a child: with candy and compliments. Want to avoid a battle? Forget conflict-raising posts about the PS3 or Wii (unless it's about making a Mii that looks like Jack Black) and pour them a spoonful of sugar. Or butter them up, especially if you can make Mr. Reasonable Commenter slam down Mr. Awful Commenter.
YouGoobs
Habitat: YouTube
Obsession: Any video 10 minutes or shorter
Demographic: Teens and 20s. Geriatric1927 is such a hit because he's such an anomaly (of course, he's also a good storyteller).
How they think: The vloggers are clever, the commenters are dumb as rocks (not even "igneous" dumb, but sandstone dumb). Take, for instance, the sarcasm girl, Paperlilies. She made a cute, if not very funny, video saying sarcasm shouldn't be on YouTube. YouTube featured it, and the horde came to tear her down. So Paperlilies read the abusive comments aloud for three solid minutes. "You need to shut up because you're fat. And a bitch." No wonder the geek webcomic xkcd called YouTubers the loudest dumbest people on the Internet.
How to approach: Subtlety and sarcasm are lost. Stunts sell. The most-viewed YouTube video of all time (with over 38 million views) is Evolution of Dance, a routine including all the top dances from Elvis's "Hound Dog" through "Thriller" to "Dirt Off Your Shoulder." In fact, almost all the top YouTube vids are song and dance. Music is a must.
