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VC blogger Fred Wilson argues that a Microsoft-Yahoo merger will be bad for users and for the Internet as a whole. "If you think about the Internet, it's a huge distributed network of loosely connected services owned and operated by literally millions. We don't need or want consolidation of services on the Internet," Wilson writes. But you know who the Microsoft-Yahoo deal is even worse news for? The incompetent executives who landed Yahoo in this pickle in the first place. They're ferociously spinning gullible reporters with rescue fantasies. Here are the five most widespread rumors — and why they're unlikely to happen.

  • AT&T or Comcast buy Yahoo instead AT&T just signed a display-advertising deal with Yahoo. Last year, Yahoo inked a similar one with Comcast that Mark Cuban hailed as the "Deal of the Year." But neither one has the cash for a bidding war with Microsoft. AT&T executives have already said they encouraged Microsoft to make the bid.
  • Yahoo sells the Yahoo Media Group to NBC Universal Sources tell us Yahoo is considering selling its media group — news, finance, sports, entertainment, and so on — to NBC Universal. A sale would let Yahoo double down on search and display advertising, essentially "throwing the kitchen sink" into beating Google. Won't happen. Shareholders lack the patience to let Yahoo carry out such a slow-moving recovery strategy. And the media operation gets most of its audience from Yahoo's big portals, like search, mail, and My Yahoo.
  • Yahoo sells the Yahoo Media Group to NBC Universal and advertising businesses to FacebookThis is the most ludicrously elaborate scenario. TechCrunch reports former Yahoo COO Dan Rosensweig — yes, the guy Decker forced out — now of private equity firm Quadrangle Group, is working on a deal. His goal is to sell the Yahoo Media Group to NBC and combine the remaining search and advertising business with Facebook. In other news, Rosensweig thinks the New England Patriots should have traded for David Tyree during halftime last night.
  • Apple to buy Yahoo One time, Apple CEO Steve Jobs spoke at a Yahoo event. Another time, Yahoo CEO Jerry Yang expressed admiration for Jobs. According to reports, these facts provide conclusive evidence that Apple is considering buying Yahoo. Right. This is as likely as a purple iPod.
  • Rupert Murdoch is Jerry Yang's white knight Last summer, rumors circulated that News Corp. wanted to swap MySpace for a piece of Yahoo. This does not mean News Corp. will join in the bidding for Yahoo now. The company already told the New York Times it would not submit a bid. One reason why? With a $60 billion market cap and far less cash than Microsoft, it wouldn't be able to match Microsoft's half-stock, half-cash offer anyway.

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