While you were wondering when Eliot Spitzer would resign last Tuesday night, Gawker videographer Alex Goldberg attended two parties, where he captured intoxicated flocks of hipsters in their natural elements: dancing, in Batman sweatshirts and fanny-packs, at Beauty Bar and Happy Endings. Star tattoos! Old-timey hats! Old-timey facial hair! The goddamn robot! All the reasons the terrorists hate us and some they haven't yet thought of are in the attached clip.