When you're just a lonely regular person, you can always post a personal ad on Craigslist. But what if you're a lonely celebrity person? And not just any celebrity person, but a celebrity person with a medical degree and board certification, who millions turn to regularly for health advice? Well, then it's not so easy. For starters, forget the Craigslist personals, and move over to the help wanted section—because what you're looking for is a PR assistant to help you weed through the available dating pool, smoking out the social-climbers, the gold-diggers, and the butterfacers in search of The One:


Dating Coordinator for Busy TV Personality/Doctor (Beverly Hills) Hi: I’m looking for a Dating Coordinartor/PR assistant who can market me personally to find a seriously minded soul mate/marriage partner.

A little about me: I’m a successful, attractive, personable, generous, good-hearted, single Doctor/TV personality who is a little shy and busy to date. I would like to hire a canvasser/pr/sales type to help me find an attractive, personable lady for a long-term relationship. This would be an ongoing canvassing position, paying $10.00 hour on part-time hours plus bonus. This is perfect for students, single parents, older adults, and actors/musicians who are sociable and have plenty of free time. You would go out into social circles, talk to select individuals, give them my card with email, and I would take care of the rest. Think of it kind of like a real-world version of the TV shows: “The Bachelor” or “Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire?” This is an ongoing position, and would last anywhere from six months to 1 year or longer, since I am taking my time in finding the right soul mate to be with. There are plenty of matchmakers, headhunters, and internet services that do this, but frankly I don’t trust them. I believe a real world person like you meeting a real world person for me is ideal. Since there may be more than one qualified candidate, and I have ample resources, more than one person may be hired for this position. If you’re interested, please send me your phone, photo, and qualifications to me. Thanks

Ah yes, a "real-world version of Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire?” Can you smell the romance? We sure can, and it's the same corpsey stench that came off our TV sets when Darva Conger first took Rick Rockwell's hand in marriage. But this is no time to get picky about employment. Ten bucks an hour to marry off a celebrity doctor sounds like a dream job to us! Now update your resume skills section to read "proficient in quickly befriending other swimsuit models with great tits" and send those suckers in!