Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate is blessed with bisexual rocker-dom; Lindsay Lohan's sister has been baptized into mega-decauchery; and Mel Gibson's family will be born into sin.

  • Mel Gibson got mistress Oksana Grigorieva pregnant (third item), his wife is telling her friends, supposedly, and the friends think this is why she suddenly filed for divorce after a two-and-a-half-year separation. It also explains why Mel Gibson the other night took the mistress to the premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, about the birth of a freak never accepted by society, and thus the perfect date for a married fundamentalist Catholic and the woman he knocked up, who is also married, to someone else.
  • Lindsay Lohan is apparently just straight taking her 15-tear old sister Ali out drinking or coking or whatever "partying hard" means. You know, generally Ronsoning around town with her and also dressing her up in "really skimpy" outfits and basically dragging her into the abyss of nasty, late-stage celebrity hedonism and self destruction, a life of emptiness and impulse and fur theft, denial and screaming matches, tears on nightclub bathroom floors and wailing in the gutters of New York under a bleak early-morning sky. Good times. [P6]
  • Sarah Jessica Parker has entrusted her unborn twins to a tattooed bisexual rocker in Ohio. After the birth they'll probably go shoe shopping together in New York and bond over raspberry cosmos, girl talk and mani/pedis. Oh, why not. [Sun]
  • Rihanna's Louis Vuitton extreme-heeled lace-up boots gave her the superhuman ability to tower over and dominate Kylie Minogue at a party the other night. Why is exactly why Madonna was so not going to let Rihanna show up to the Costume Gala in them.
  • After getting tired of screaming things at her Brazilian manservant/toy Jesus Luz v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, Madonna finally decided to spring for English lessons. [Daily Star]
  • Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow broke up over her desire to immediately have kids, he says. [P6]
  • Meryl Streep is going to do a 30 Rock cameo. Is it asking too much to hope for some thinly-veiled Anna Wintour jokes? [ET]