Today, noted Twitterer Peggy Noonan is writing fanfic about the ghosts of FDR and Nixon, who are coming back to Earth to advise their modern political parties. It is insane.

But, you know, kind of wonderful. Especially when she does her Nixon impression. We'd like to hear her read this column out loud.

As Jack Kennedy used to say, and so eloquently, here you can really stick it to him and break it off.

And speaking of JFK, try to seize back a bit of the issue of health in general. Remember physical fitness and vigor and 50 mile hikes on the C&O Canal? Completely captured the public imagination. JFK himself didn't do it, he wasn't insane, and he had the bad back. He sent Bobby and that fat Pierre Salinger. Anyway, go with that: personal responsibility, strength, health. Steal it from the Dems. But don't imitate their censorious tone: ‘Ya can't smoke, put down that doughnut.' Let me tell you, doughnut eaters are the largest growing demographic in America. Don't get crossways with them!"

Hah. Can you imagine this coming out of her patrician mouth? No, but seriously, it's a very good Nixon pastiche, except not once does it say anything about the Jews. Come on, Pegs! You know Zombie Nixon would have plenty to say about the Jews!

Oh, but before Nixon advises the modern GOP to... lobby for Tort Reform (booooooorrrrrring!), Zombie Franklin Roosevelt appears before Obama and tells him to expand the politically popular Medicare program to all Americans, and call it the National Health Service. That would be a government-funded single payer national health insurance system, like they have in socialist Canada. It is a wonderful idea! We would let Zombie Nixon have his stupid "you're not allowed to sue doctors who maim you" reform if we got single-payer in exchange!

We know Peggy has always cared more about pretty words and fanciful narratives more than actual policy but now she is basically Bernie Sanders with a hard-on for cowboys.