Butthurt English Announcer Repeatedly Tries to Explain Away USA's Goal
Martin Tyler is an English "football" commentator and was one of two ABC announcers during this afternoon's England-USA World Cup game. After the American goal that tied things up, Tyler repeatedly—and condescendingly—cried foul. Videos of his whining, inside.
Exhibit A: Immediate Reaction
Right away, Tyler declared the goal a "howler," made a bunch of random (and, ultimately, nonsensical) "Green" references, called it "one of the softest goals you'll ever see at this level of football," and referred to American scorer Clint Dempsey as "The Lucky Man."
Exhibit B: Hyperbolic Metaphor
Tyler: "It was a hit and hope shot. But if you buy a ticket, sometimes you win a raffle." Ungh.
Exhibit C: More Condescending Reminders about How Rare a Goal Like This One Is
Even minutes after the goal, Tyler still wouldn't shut up about it. First, he said that Green had made such a mistake that it would stop him from sleeping, perhaps for the rest of his life. Then, we got a shot of the best David Beckham stank face EVER. Then, Tyler once again called the goal "a lucky break." And finally, he said, "It's not one that you see regularly. If you're watching a game like this for the first time—and maybe some of you are—that just doesn't happen. That really doesn't happen in schoolboy play, because it's tough on schoolboy goalkeepers to say that they would make a mistake like that," which basically suggested that the Americans were not only lucky, but probably never watched a "football" match before in the first place.
Yes, Mr. Tyler, we get it: Green made a mistake. And that's the point—it's not our fault that your country's goalie couldn't stop what you claim was such a horribly non-threatening shot. So, please, shut up about it already.
