John McCain's Senate primary opponent, ex-Rep. J.D. Hayworth, starred in a 2007 informercial for getting your hands on the "billions and billions" in federal government grants. Free money, that was yours already! Oh god, this is embarrassing.

"Hundreds of Billions of Dollars in Government Funding are Available Right Now!" says the shitty c-movie infomercial text. And J.D. Hayworth was paid to tell you how to get your hands on all of it! But it's no big ethical deal for fiscal conservatives, our narrator-congressman tells us. Ronald Reagan would've wanted this. Because you paid taxes, and now you're just getting your money back. Eh? Eh?

Some of us use this exact same logic to argue for extending unemployment benefits or improving roads, school systems, and health care affordability, but those things — public goods — are Communist. Endless government grants for everyone would be conservative and responsible — kind of like actual "tax cuts," but for individual people, for whatever. One lady fixed up her bathroom, with a government grant!

The clip of highlights is up top, with the extended infomercial (six minutes) below.

We still think it would be funny if this trashy, idiotic crook — whose previous tour in Congress was mostly about helping Jack Abramoff get whatever he wanted — beat crank old hack John McCain. But after this latest infomercial nonsense... well, our opinion hasn't changed at all. Go J.D. Hayworth! Bring home that grant money baby!