After thirteen days of incarceration, Lindsay Lohan has been released. Justin Bieber is writing an "illustrated memoir." T.I. tied the knot, and so did James Van Der Beek. Monday gossip is free at last.

  • Our long national nightmare is over. At 1:35AM PDT on the morning of Monday, August 2nd, Lindsay Lohan was released from incarceration at Lynwood Correctional Facility: Originally sentenced to 90 days in jail, LiLo served thirteen. She is now at UCLA Medical Center awaiting rehabilitative treatment. The paparazzi missed Lindsay's release (a Sheriff's Department spokesman in a somber brown suit broke the news) and LiLo is now in rehab at UCLA's Medical Center, apparently forgoing Newport Beach's Morningside Recovery center in favor of UCLA's dual diagnosis program for addicts with psychological problems. (Radar has a video of a black SUV supposedly dropping her off there.) So, now we have the first answer to the hotly debated, much awaited Lindsay Lohan Jailbird Betting Pool. We anxiously await the ex-jailbird's first tweet. [TMZ, TMZ, People, Radar, image from Lindsay's July 6 probation hearing via Getty]
  • Justin Bieber is writing an "illustrated memoir," entitled Justin Bieber: First Step 2 Forever: My Story. (Did he crowdsource the title from his Twitter fans?) It's scheduled to release in October and will hopefully resemble this. [USAToday]
  • TMZ has the first "sneak peek" from Laurence Fishburne progeny Montana Fishburne's porn debut. It is a series of still frames of an eighteen-year-old girl making O faces, if you're into the sort of thing. [TMZ]

Jessica Simpson tweeted a picture of her kissing new boyfriend Eric Johnston and captioned it "Romance 101..getting kissed by my Yalie...me not lookin' so smart...:) but YUM!" Hooray, a college boy like-likes Jessica! [Us, @jessicasimpson]

  • Dennis Rodman flipped his car three times during a horrifying car wreck on I-95 in Fort Lauderdale, and miraculously walked away with a single scratch on his finger. This man is not really a human, is he? [TMZ]
  • Chelsea Handler is knee deep in her relationship with Into the Wild animal trainer Dave Salmoni, whose Animal Planet TV show depicted him living in the African bush with a pack of lions. Fill in your own joke using the words "rawr," "cougar," "gone wild," or "purr." [P6]
  • Big weekend for the weddings: In addition to Chelsea Clinton, Alicia Keys, and, um, Lisa Simpson—James Van Der Beek announced on Twitter last night that he married his girlfriend, and T.I. married longtime girlfriend and BET reality star Tameka "Tiny" Cottle. Tiny wore Valentino; T.I. wore Prada. [People, Us]
  • "Prince of Malibu" and Avril Lavigne boyfriend Brody Jenner got his hair shaved into a mohawk. It looks OK, for a mohawk. [DailyMail]
  • The concert promoter suing Axl Rose threw a stack of court documents at a lawyer, ripped off his microphone, and stormed out of the room during a deposition. It is fitting that, the one time such an event occurs outside of movies and procedural justice TV shows, it is during a lawsuit between filthy rich show business people. [P6]
  • Christina Aguilera went Ferrari shopping with her husband and son, and showed interest in a black Ferrari F430 Berlinetta, retail price $200,000—downright thrifty next to the white Rolls Royce Phantom ($400,000) they already own. [DailyMail]