Tim Gunn calls Taylor Momsen "sad" and "pathetic." Jodie Foster avoids assault charges. Leonardo DiCaprio buys a pet that will live for 70 years. Chris Brown doesn't tip. Has Wednesday gossip gone too far, yet?

  • Tim Gunn's trashtalking tour of America continues: Seventeen-year-old Taylor Momsen was "sad" and "pathetic" when he filmed Gossip Girl with her: "I thought to myself, 'Why are we all being held hostage by this brat?'" Bravo's real housewives are "wild animals": "We've gone back to the Colosseum where we watch people rip each other limb from limb." Gunn's gotten so catty, even Nina Garcia is distancing herself. Forget fashion and his new book—this man should be a blogger. [E!, Us, image via Getty]
  • Mel Gibson's paparazzi-evading costume is hysterical. Here he is doing a Wilford Brimley impersonation on the streets of L.A. yesterday. [TMZ]
  • Karl Lagerfeld went to a restaurant and nearly caused a celebrity riot: "Rachel Bilson, Chace Crawford, and Jessica Alba craned their necks to get a glimpse. The more bold Courtney Love popped up out of her chair" and leaped into his desiccated arms. Kim Kardashian—who had never before met Karl—had her table moved so she could sit next to him. Turns out the only job that makes the panties drop faster than "NFL quarterback" is "grimly stylish gay slave to fashion." (They want him to give them new designer panties, see?) [P6]
  • How did Chris Brown spend of ex-girlfriend and abuse victim Rihanna's VMA performance? Sulking at a West Village nightclub and failing to tip the waitresses after receiving two free bottles of vodka, claims Page Six. "He looked lifeless," said their witness. [P6]
  • Jessica Simpson, Eva Longoria, and hairstylist Ken Paves are trapped in a BFF love triangle. Ken used to be Jess's best friend (he was on her reality show and they have a hair extension business together) but they got into a fight over "something petty," and then Ken tweeted that Eva was his "best friend," and Jess "was heartbroken." Send him a MASH letter and give him a friendship bracelet, you can still win him back, Jess! [E!]
  • The terrifying 40-Year-Old Virgin actor on trial for stabbing his girlfriend twenty times reenacting his version of events (an accident, he says!) by slashing a giant knife through the air while sitting in the court witness box. How could that possibly be a good idea for ths defense? [People]
  • Jodie Foster is off the hook for beating up that teenager who wanted a picture with her at the mall. The city of L.A. has declined to prosecute. [Radar]
  • Leonardo DiCaprio bought a $400 tortoise that is expected to live 70 years. When you break that price down over the years, it's actually quite a bargain. [TMZ]
  • Patriots quarterback and Gisele Bundchen boyfriend Tom Brady gets a new Audi every year from a charity he promotes. He crashed this year's model last week. [P6]
  • Josh Brolin on rumor that he cheated on Diane Lane: "I don't fuck around on my wife. I mean, check her out, man." Unfortunately, Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren aready ruined that excuse. [Us]