Christina doesn't know Jeremy Renner, but she knows his bed. Melissa Etheridge's ex knew she was cheating because the dildos were different. Lamar Odom would like you to imagine him having sex with his Kardashian wife. Wednesday gossip sleeps around.

  • At Jeremy Renner's 40th birthday party, Christina Aguilera got "wasted" and passed out in his bed. Apparently Renner told his friends (who secretly had tape recorders in their pockets?) "Someone comes and tell me [Aguilera]'s in my room. I run up and open the door and I'm like, 'Um, hi. What are you doing?' She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone's birthday party that they don't know and gets in their bed?" Boozy Christina Aguilera, that's who. [Us, image via Pacific Coast News]
  • The Golden Globes may have maybe-banned Ricky Gervais, but he doesn't want to host your stinking Golden Globes again anyway, so there! [TMZ]
  • "EXCLUSIVE: Inside Jake Gyllenhaal's Golden Globes Flirt-a-thon!" Jake is getting his mack on with Scarlett Johansson, Mila Kunis ("he's not her type"), Maria Menounos (?!), Michelle Williams ("his hand was on her knee"), and ex-girlfriend Jenny Lewis, who was his Golden Globes date. A thunderclap of testosterone, and the Jake Gyllenhaal sex storm begins. May the rain never end. [Us]
  • Meanwhile, "brokenhearted" Taylor Swift "isn't ready to date again." She spends all her time sadly strumming an out-of-tune guitar, weeping softly in a bedroom full of snow. [Popeater]
  • Lamar Odom on wife Khloe Kardashian: "Khloe's not small. I'm not small. People see us and are probably like, 'Damn, I wonder how that looks.'" Whoa, did not see that mental image coming. Is this a precursor to a sex tape? "We wouldn't have anything to be ashamed about, but no, that's not going down." Oh, please. Any man who uses the phrase "not small" in the same breath that he beckons you to imagine what he looks like fucking, is someone who has a sex tape. [Playboy]
  • Hilary Duff has a bun in the oven. Hockey star husband Mike Comrie put it there. Suddenly, I am hungry for a bagel. [Star]
  • Sparklepenis Pattinson on filming sex scenes: "It's like doing Twister." What's he doing in that sexy naked image from Twilight: Breaking Dawn? "I think I'm sniffing." The man oozes sensuality. I can bear it no longer, and must rend this strand of garlic from neck and as I lie in bed in the dark of the night, praying that Edward Cullen will come rip some major arteries out of my body and make a sexy blood sausage out of me. [MTV]
  • Victoria's Secret model Jesisca White got arrested for a nightclub catfight, and we will reward her with a reality TV show: Oxygen just picked up a show "based on her life and some of her colorful friends, almost like Entourage." But with more hot Victoria's Secret models, which—come to think of it—means Oxygen is poised to steal Entourage's demographic. [P6]
  • Tammy Lynn Michaels is pissed that ex-wife Melissa Etheridge already has a new girlfriend, three months after their split—and it's a woman who was in their wedding party. On her notoriously oversharing blog, Tammy says she knew something was up when the dildo delivery went awry:

  • three weeks later a box of new toys
    was delivered and her assistant brought
    it to my rental house as a mistake
    i opened it
    and that's when i felt something was up

  • i called her
    "i have your new dicks on my kitchen counter?"

  • one thing by one thing
    i slowly felt things were not
    as
    they were being represented

  • She also likens heartbreak to a bad case of indigestion: "I have had some time to let it digest, rip my stomach apart, digest some more, and I think I'm in a better spot now." Have yourself a nice fart, Tammy, you'll feel better soon. [HollywoodFarmGirl, Celebitchy People]
  • Halle Berry's boytoy ex is filing for joint custody of their daughter Nahla. Brace yourself for a legal battle. [People]
  • Fresh from a hooker-porn star-Bombshell McGee rampage in Las Vegas, Charlie Sheen is contemplating reuniting with ex-wife and abuse victim Brooke Mueller. Brooke's mom says it's mutual. Ugh. [NYPost]