Christina doesn't know Jeremy Renner, but she knows his bed. Melissa Etheridge's ex knew she was cheating because the dildos were different. Lamar Odom would like you to imagine him having sex with his Kardashian wife. Wednesday gossip sleeps around.

Elton John debuts his surrogate-born baby. Christina Hendricks lost an $850,000 diamond bauble. Christina Aguilera picks a catfight with a co-star. Octomom makes her fetish film debut. Tuesday gossip is miraculous.

To keep up with all the rumors they're starting, Katy and Russell will need one thousand and one nights of non-stop ceremonies. Cops investigate Mel Gibson. Elle MacPherson is sorry she ate an endangered animal. TGIFriday gossip.

Lindsay Lohan's new girlfriend used to be an Israeli soldier; Khloe Kardashian vacuums up a snake; Paris hilton is OK. Melissa Etheridge's ex writes sad blog poetry. Your Fourth of July gossip roundup is full of all-American lesbian drama.

Lady Gaga wasn't born with ambiguous genitals, but with lupus. Lindsay Lohan goes to court today, and prepared by giving an interview on YouTube. Rihanna wants to adopt. Romance on the set of Glee? Just another manic Monday gossip roundup.

A mystery celebrity will be coming out of the closet on the cover of People on May 5 and lots of people are talking about who it's going to be. Well, it's time to toss out names and respective odds.

Kate Hudson was spotted at Coachella with weirdo British rocker Thom Yorke. Bret Michaels lives. Eating a burger is physically impossible for Heidi Montag. Kate's babies get cleared by the Department of Labor. Sunday's gossip roundup is a creep.

It's official: Paris Hilton has split up with her boyfriend, frozen burrito heir and terrible baseball player Doug Reinhardt! Well, you know what they say about B-list celebrity splits: they happen in fours.

Heidi Montag says Adam DiVello touched her plastic body inappropriately. The Larry-King-had-sex-with-his-sister-in-law drama continues. Cindy Adams loves Jersey Shore. Charlie Sheen shaved his head and Kate Hudson got a boob job. Thursday's gossip wants its old body back.

Today should be a busy day for thieves who earn a living robbing the homes of the rich and famous: Hundreds of celebs and corporate titans have been in Washington today for the inauguration and are expected to put in appearances at one of the many official and unofficial balls scheduled for this evening. Barack and Michelle will make their first stop this evening at the Neighborhood Ball, where the lineup includes Mariah Carey, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, will.i.am, Stevie Wonder, Faith Hill, Shakira, and Mary J. Blige. The Equality Ball at the Mayflower Hotel will feature entertainment by Cyndi Lauper, Melissa Etheridge and Rufus Wainwright. Lou Gossett Jr. will serve as host at the Purple Ball, where performances by Il Divo and Peter Cincotti will entertain the likes of Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, John Cusack, Ed Harris, Ashley Judd, Patricia Arquette, Brendan Fraser, and Josh Lucas.

Looks like Melissa Etheridge has finally found some common ground with her archenemy, Elisabeth Hasselbeck: they both love Barack Obama's controversial invocation speaker, Pastor Rick Warren!

As delightful as it was to see even President Bush rescind his friendship with Elisabeth Hasselbeck today, we'd be remiss if we didn't address Lizzy's other smackdown this morning.

♦ Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker are apparently incapable of getting along: A day after Kim confirmed that there will be Sex and the City sequel, Parker told fans "not to get their hopes up" and that "Kim is excited, but all the deals are not yet done." [Daily Star, People]
♦ It looks like spending time in court, soup kitchens, and sanitation departments hasn't helped Naomi Campbell much. She infuriated passengers on her flight back from London on Tuesday by cutting in line while going through customs at JFK. She swears it wasn't her fault because it was the airline that offered her an escort. [R&M]
♦ Ian Schrager is getting married next Saturday. The bride-to-be is a ballerina named Tania Wahlstedt. [P6]

· Today on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Will Smith joined Seven Pounds co-star Rosario Dawson to describe losing his movie-sex virginity. Shocker: It sounds like he enjoyed it! · Now this is a protest: Melissa Etheridge said today she'll cease paying state taxes until Proposition 8 is repealed. · Flopz, Guy, Flopz™: Madonna's directorial debut Filth and Wisdom has made only $18,000 since opening Oct. 17 in New York. · A $1,000, Leo DiCaprio-signed VHS copy of Titanic is just one of the many treasures that can be yours in the upcoming backruptcy auction of Dana Giacchetto, disgraced "Financial Adviser to the Stars." · If you had Joe for the win in your "First Jonas Brother to Knock Someone Up" pool, his ex regrets to inform you that you missed it by that much.

♦ Britney Spears went to a Bronx school yesterday to visit some children. Unfortunately, the school was closed for the second day of Rosh Hashanah, so her handlers had to rustle up a bunch of other kids for the photo op. [OK!]
♦ Adnan Ghalib is backtracking on his Britney sex tape story. He now says there never was one to begin with. [MSNBC]
♦ Larry Flynt says his company has already shot a new porn movie starring a Sarah Palin look-alike, although he's not revealing the title yet. [R&M]
♦ Are Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady getting married? [Chicago Sun-Times]
♦ The woman who spotted Heather Locklear's car swerving and dialed 911 was former Us Weekly staffer Jill Ishkanian, who now runs a paparazzi photo agency of her own. [MSNBC]