Boner pills! Cellphone cancer! Hospital infections! Leukemia drugs! Stillborn babies! Diet memory! Bipolar celebrities! Stank medications! And sexxxy news from 'neath the robes of Catholic womendom! It's your Thursday Health Watch, where we watch your health—against god's wishes!

  • The patents on a bunch of erectile drugs are just about to be up, and sure, you could go with the much cheaper generic versions, but look at this: chewable Viagra! Levitra that dissolves on your tongue! Don't let your ladies catch you ingesting your erection drugs in something other than the very latest format, gentlemen!
  • Do cell phones cause brain cancer? You'd have to read an entire long-ass magazine article to find out, so America will never know.
  • Turns out you can really reduce the number of infections that patients in hospitals get by using the revolutionary method called "trying."
  • Not to worry you or anything, but there's a big shortage of leukemia drugs, so you might want to run down and grab some while you still can. Oh, also—you have leukemia.
  • Just because you're an obese smoker doesn't mean your baby will necessarily be stillborn; but if it is, you're gonna feel guilty.
  • Losing weight can improve your memory. And gaining weight? It can, ah... let me go check again.
  • A famous lady announced she has bipolar disorder and now today there are more than 1,000 news stories all about bipolar disorder! Diseases for all celebrities would be the best thing that happened to public health since penicillin.
  • Thousands of bottles of an epilepsy drug are being recalled because of a "foul odor." You will smell fresh and clean as you have your seizures, in the meantime.
  • Oh ho: 98% (!) of Catholic women in American have used birth control. Fuck you, The Pope. Fuck you safely.

[Photo: Colin Grey/ Flickr]