World's Most Evil Marriage To Join Cannibal, Vampire
Isakin Jonsson and Michelle Gustafsson announced they will marry in a small ceremony in the high security wing of the Karsuddens psychiatric facility in Sweden. An as-yet-undetermined member of the Church of Satan is expected to officiate.
The bride, 23, and bridegroom, 33, met on MSN messenger, where Jonsson asked Gustafsson in November to become his girlfriend. An engagement followed December 9.
"I love Michelle - have never met anyone like her," Jonsson said. "'I want to cut the throats of people on the subway," Gustafsson said.
Ms. Gustafsson is keeping her nickname, "Blood-Sucking Murderess." In her capacity as a vampire, she most famously stabbed single father Daniel Stenman to death, drank his blood, and took a picture in which she held a knife and power saw and in which his vital fluids dripped from her lips. She is currently pursuing a certification in sanity as part of the indefinite psychiatric treatment she in enrolled in. She was previously working toward an automatic life sentence.
The bridegroom Mr. Jonsson, aka "Human Flesh Eater," came to prominence after slitting the throat of then-girlfriend Helle Christensen, a mother of five. After decapitating her, Jonsson proceeded to eat her flesh. He, too, is enrolled in indefinite psychiatric treatment.
Mitt Romney could not be reached for comment on whether this will sully the sacred institution of heterosexual marriage. Reached via The Sun, Rupert Murdoch gave Liberals full credit for the romance, and suggested some vows in a future-prize-winning headline.
The future Mr. and Mrs. Jonsson ask that guests season themselves judiciously prior to the reception.
