Milk to Get Worse
When you think of liquids that you'd like to guzzle, does milk make it into your top ten? How about top fifty? Would you like to strike gallons of milk from grocery store shelves and watch as they bleed out into oblivion? Sure you would. Skrrtt—but wait a sec. What if I told you milk could taste like marshmallow Peeps?
What a joke. No! Bad shit on top of bad shit. Milk—a liquid so gross that over sixty percent of the human population has trouble even digesting it—is already unfathomable enough. Add to the equation that milk has been credibly connected to heart disease, Type 1 diabetes, and prostate cancer, and maybe you're thinking, "I'll go grab a quick glass of water and stop reading this blog post now." I'd support you! See ya later!
But then there are some delusional sickos out there, and for you, there is this:
PEEPS® Chocolate Marshmallow Milk
The perfect blend of both chocolate and marshmallow flavors make this cool and creamy drink a Spring favorite.
PEEPS® Marshmallow Milk
The perfect blend of marshmallow flavor and real milk makes this cool and creamy drink a Spring favorite.
PEEPS® Easter Egg Nog
Each glass of PEEPS® Easter Egg Nog boasts 5 grams of protein and 15 percent of the daily value of calcium, so go ahead and indulge.
The perfect blend of sugar and shit juice and memories of scratchy tulle Easter dresses that gave your skin angry hives makes this drink a death-averse person's nightmare.
Every serving of PEEPS® Chocolate Marshmallow Milk comes packed with thirty-seven grams of sugar, which would be funny and cute if it weren't so grim. Only a day earlier, the WHO released new recommendations for daily sugar intake: between six and twelve teaspoons per day. A person could exceed this recommendation in less than two servings of Peeps milk.
But hey, it's your FUNERAL®.
