It is perfectly appropriate that, once a brand or person becomes sufficiently ubiquitous, manufacturers turn them into intangible clouds of scent, to permeate the very air we breathe. The latest edition: America's Next Top Model perfume, which will be sold at Target.

Is it Wednesday already? My how time flies for the Queen of Weave and her loyal subjects. Oh let's begin, shall we.

Happy St. Patrick's Day ladies and germs! Spring is nigh and Tyra has officially dropped the Banks from her name. It's good to be alive.

Last night was a truly momentous occasion indeed: the premiere of the Cycle 16 cast of America's Next Top Model. And Tyra Banks has put her fiercest foot forward.

The winner of America's Next Top Model hit up Access Hollywood Live this morning and she took Billy Bush questions about her awkward, bullied years in stride. Back in high school, Billy would so have been the bullying type.

Tyra Banks debuted her first film last night called "Disturbato" starring the remaining ANTM contestants. Tyra's atempt to be avant-garde and high fashion fails miserably in this shaky camera, eyeliner smudged "mini-movie." Someone should tell Tyra to stick to modeling.

Five models. Four go-see appointments. And one helluva boring episode. Here's how it all went down.

You might know her as ANTM's first winner, a Surreal Life housemate, or Chris "Peter Brady" Knight's spouse, but Adrianne Curry is currently steaming up the "Playstation Network." What's geekier, playing World of Warcraft, or playing World of Warcraft naked?

They sure had us going for a while, but with this week's elimination, all ANTM has proven is exactly what we've known all along: they're not cranking out the world's next supermodels.

This season of Top Model is supposed to be about high fashion. But as you all know, where there's a high theres always undoubtedly a low. With that in mind, watch as every single contestant tumbles during their runway challenge.

During a photoshoot with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker Matthew Rolston—who, you know, is actually noted—everyone came out looking gorgeous. But only one girl could come out "on top" and I'll give you one guess who that was.

Unbe-weave-able as every cycle of America's Next Top Model's makeover episode is, this season's really took the cake. Why? Four words: hair today, gone... today. Here is all of last night's hair-raising drama presented in three parts.

Every week Tyra provides both her contestants and her viewers with some valuable lessons. Did you know models had "types"? What "Palm Springs" is? Or that semen is really yucky? But Tyra, we still have a few questions...

After receiving a condescending lecture from Anslee for her improper thawing technique, Alasia struck back by criticizing Anslee's parenting skills, explaining "you ain't nobody's momma up in this bitch." Models: 0 Frozen Vegetables: 1

Our favorite monotone, clown-mouthed hipster, Ren, sang her swan song in last night's elimination but not before Tyra pulled some fierce emotional manipulation.

America's Next Top Model is no longer about modeling. It is about shaming aspiring models with ridiculous physical challenges. Last night: Walk down a runway with giant swinging pendulums. It's exactly like Japan's MXC, only funnier. Mashup proof inside.

Earlier tonight, Tyra Banks received a somewhat brutal bitch-slapping from Chelsea Handler. Handler believes that Banks' America's Next Top Model, now in its 14th trimester, should have been aborted long ago. To be honest, we have a hard time disagreeing.

Top Model is known for delving into controversial issues but apparently Tyra saved the best for the 14th cycle. Here, contestant Krista explains her fear of white penises which she feels look like "raw meat." Miss J couldn't agree more.

Bastard toddler network The CW has had a bit of a rough time rebounding after the writers strike, its slate failing to find traction with an audience comprised almost entirely of easily distracted tweenagers and confused elderly disappointed to learn they hadn't found a new home for Hee Haw reruns. Six of their series recently learned they had been spared the guillotine, including the always-dependable America's Next Top Model, the under-performing Gossip Girl, and the hanging-by-a-thread Everybody Hates Chris; sadly, however the same could not be said for 25 ill-fated staffers just handed their pink slips—curiously enough, printed on the netlet's branded green. From Variety:

When it comes to Wednesday's reality television options, ladies night on American Idol isn't the only game in town. The CW featured a ladies night of a different sort as Tyra Banks unleashed the Cycle 10 premiere of America's Next Top Model on an unsuspecting world. (Can it only be Cycle 10? It feels more like 87.)