Yesterday, we told you that David Siegel, the humongously wealthy CEO who threatened to lay his workers off if Obama was reelected, did not, in fact, lay them off—he gave everyone raises. Unfortunately, not every boss is as kindly as the King of Versailles. Our call for news of Obama reelection-related layoffs brought in the following, from across the nation:
Tuesday night self-proclaimed "America's Toughest Sheriff" and Department of Justice-proclaimed civil rights violator Joe Arpaio was re-elected in Arizona as Maricopa County's sheriff. Arpaio has become a highly controversial figure, primarily for his policing, which was the subject of a DOJ investigation last year.
So this is how we're going to tango.
As we wrote last night, dead Englishman Charles Darwin received some 4,000 write-in votes in the race for Georgia's tenth congressional district, owing to the anti-science statements of his, uh, opponent, Republican Rep. Paul Broun. But Darwin wasn't the only write-in candidate! Local Athens publication Flagpole has a list of all the write-in candidates. And basically every single one would make a better candidate than Paul Broun, including, for example, "ANY NON-INSANE INDIVIDUAL":
Chris Christie, who is already being blamed by conservatives for costing Republicans the election with his refusal to be political during a time of crisis for his state, revealed to reporters today that he has yet to speak with Mitt Romney despite having already phoned President Obama to congratulate him on his reelection.
Sometimes after a long day rubbing self-tanner on John Boehner, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi needs a break. And if stretching her feet out and having a glass of pinot gris at her swanky pad in Napa Valley is what does the trick, then that's her prerogative.
Janna Ryan's husband Paul didn't get the big promotion he was after last night, and boy did it show on her face; she looked like the most miserable person in the world when she went up to hug Ann and Mitt on stage after Romney conceded the race.
Many theories have already been bandied about for why Barack Obama secured his reelection last night: fundamental demographic changes in the voting base, ossified Republican proposals, the creaky inability of Mitt Romney to appear convincingly humanoid. But only one member of the pundit class has been incisive enough to peer more deeply into the true rotten, beating heart of Obama's victory: our national system of liberal zombification centers. (Colleges.)
Though they've been American citizens since 1917, residents of the island of Puerto Rico aren't currently allowed to vote in American elections.
Bad night to be an old white Republican man with a terrible understanding of science and rape: both Richard "Rape Pregnancies Are God's Gifts" Mourdock and Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin lost their races; Mourdock was defeated by Joe Donnelly in the Indiana Senate race, and Claire McCaskill easily beat Akin to retain her Missouri Senate spot.
"Three reasons Obama will win; three reasons Romney will win"—Los Angeles Times headline, which accurately describes the story below, which is simply a list of "three reasons each candidate has to expect victory." (Which of these reasons are correct is not discussed.) What else is in the paper today?
These days, Bruce Springsteen fandom is like a rite of passage for middle-aged politicians/political pundits. But no one, not even David Brooks in Europe, comes close to Hurricane Sandy breakout star Chris Christie's obsession. Dude has reportedly seen Springsteen live over 130 times and is known to enter a prayer-like trance/fall asleep during the Boss's concerts.
If you were thinking about going to Nepal (or, if you already live there), consider yourself warned: there's a man-eating leopard on the loose that, so far, has killed and devoured 15 people, including 10 children. The most recent victim was a 4-year-old child, who was reportedly snatched from his family's yard by the jungle cat and taken into the forest where authorities found his head.
