Apparently, all publicity is not good publicity if you're one of the fine and Moral corporate types at Anheuser-Busch. It seems as though their trademark product, the mediocre but perfectly acceptable Budweiser, is prominently featured in the new film Flight, which is about a functional alcoholic named Denzel Washington who flies planes for a living, or something along those lines. One of Washington's self-destructive beverages of choice is Budweiser, a fact which has the company all in a tizzy because, you see, despite spending hundreds of millions a year to push Bud on anyone who watches any sort of sporting event, Anheuser-Busch is all about responsible boozing.

Now that Yoselyn Ortega, New York's so-called "Killer Nanny," is well enough to speak after stabbing two children in her care to death before stabbing herself, she has officially been charged with two counts of murder. Unfortunately for media outlets who have thus far reveled in the alarmist "Killer Nanny" tales, the story emerging from the Ortega killings is less about an evil nanny and more about a sick, sad, increasingly stressed middle-aged lady who wasn't getting the help she needed and snapped in one of the most hideous ways imaginable.

Power's been restored to lower Manhattan. Almost all the subways are up and running. New York City is lurching back to work today. Most of it, at least. In some sections of the city and the surrounding area — the Rockaway Peninsula in Queens, Coney Island in Brooklyn, several locations across Staten Island — the lights are still off, supplies are scarce, and residents and local volunteers are struggling to distribute aid. Here's how you can most effectively help.

THE BOTTOM LINE: There is evidence that large-scale catastrophes may influence birth and marriage rates, but in which direction is not clear.

Alas, post-Sandy New York is not all feel-good tales of entrepreneurial ingenuity and upscale Halal carts; there's also been some looting. Police arrested 15 people in the Far Rockaway section of Queens and nine others in Coney Island, including one woman who was charged with possession of a firearm after police found a gun in the safe she was in the process of stealing.

A woman in Hawaii was swimming off the coast of Maui when a 12-foot-tiger shark attacked her. Despite finding herself in literally the most terrifying situation imaginable, the woman, who has a black belt in tae kwon do, kept cool and preemptively attacked the hellish sea beast with a punch to its nose.

The 16-member crew of the HMS Bounty, a replica vessel modeled after its 18th century namesake, was forced to abandon ship after a collision with Hurricane Sandy off the coast of Cape Hatteras caused the ship to start taking on water at an uncontrollable rate.

Hurricane Sandy may have been hundreds of miles away from Midtown Manhattan yesterday morning, but thousands of comedy fans were already walking around with a cloud over their heads.

Were you thinking about not taking Hurricane Sandy seriously? Do you not find Bloomberg's warnings adequately stimulating? Are you treating Frankenstorm as an excuse to just get drunk and play hooky from work? Well, if so, the National Weather Service in Mt. Holly, New Jersey wants you to know that THE STORM IS NO JOKE AND WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES AND THINK OF THE CHILDREN etc. From their press release this afternoon:

When Meat Loaf announced last night that he was giving Mitt Romney his first-ever political endorsement because Barack Obama said the Cold War was over and Romney was therefore the only candidate left who was willing to stand up to the Red Menace, the jokes pretty much wrote themselves.

Has America's fleet of deadly Predator drones been infected by some sort of anti-imperialist poltergeist force? That seems to be the only logical conclusion from today's Washington Post story (the last in an excellent series on America's "Secret War") about the activities and happenings at the US drone base in Djibouti. There's this:

Just two weeks before dropping her new album, Christina Aguilera dropped some "real talk" at a Q&A at the Billboard/Hollywood Reporter Film & TV Conference.

Track star Immaculata Lolo Jones sure does have a lot of pent up energy and time on her hands; the U.S. bobsled team announced Thursday that Jones was one of 24 athletes who had secured a position on this season's bobsled team.

After nearly two faithful years as Lindsay Lohan's No. 1 speed-dial homie, Steve Honig has decided to quit his job as publicist for the star, which also happens to be the second-worst job in America after being Lindsay Lohan's dad. Honig, obviously, has no problem with Lindsay's poor Porsche-handling skills, her romance with that guy "Klaus," or all that coke drama with Lindsay and her best friend, Dina Lohan. No, according to Honig just can't stand her dad. TMZ reports:

Earlier today, it was reported that 28-year-old NYPD officer Gilberto Valle III was arrested and charged with "conspiracy to kidnap, cook, and eat" as many as 100 women.

President Barack Obama made presidential history today when he became the very first...president to vote early.

Following Donald Trump's game-changing October Surprise — a decidedly unserious promise to donate $5 million to Obama's charity of choice if the president releases his college and passport records to Trump's "satisfaction" — Guardian writer Adam Gabbatt thought it would be only fair to ask Trump to release his own college and passport records, so he phoned up Trump's special counsel, Trump Organization executive VP Michael Cohen.

Efforts to negatively impact Chick-fil-A's business in the aftermath of anti-gay comments made by the company's president appear to have backfired rather tremendously in favor of the fast food chain as it managed to exceed last year's third-quarter numbers in both consumer use and market share.

Few details have been released so far, but here is what is known: FBI agents arrested a 28-year-old NYPD officer from Queens yesterday, and charged him with "conspiracy to kidnap, cook, and eat women."

If you haven't already started preparing for the historically terrible storm that is preparing to pummel the Northeast just in time for Halloween, you are way, way, way behind and it's precisely this lack of foresight and planning that will ultimately cost you your life when the storm touches down next week.