While you were sleeping,

As the Register's Andrew Orlowski flies back to England, it's time to check up on the other trolls of tech — the real journalists, fake journalists, and — ugh — bloggers.

• Charlie Gibson scores the ABC anchor spot, leaving poor Diane Sawyer high and dry.
• Let's put it this way: Would you want to go sit at Jared Paul Stern's old desk?
• Anderson goes on Oprah, bores us. But he was adorable on an old World News Now. And she's obsessed with death.
• You will not get to go to Africa with Nick Kristof.
• Breaking news: New Yorkers go to gyms! Even Adam Moss and Mr. Big.
• All hail Le Cirque, or so says the Wednesday media club.
• Neither the Clintons nor Shock magazine are very shocking, though the later is a guilty pleasure.
• Gay gay gay. Gay.
• Another gossip type, another book party. Make that two.
• America, this old man is your Idol. And Alessandra will do her best to tell you about it.
• West Chelsea gets even worse.
• The Fifth Avenue Apple store has been open for one full week now. Has your head exploded yet?
• And it's Memorial Day weekend. See you Tuesday.

(Update: REDACTED), Apple employee #(REDACTED but it's under 10), tells Valleywag that Woz is honest:

• Animal Magazine editors sneak into Apple's 24-hour store without waiting in line. Then they pull the classy move of setting its website as the test computers' home page. They also confirm that the SNL staff shouldn't head out without makeup. [Animal Magazine via Blogebrity]

• Al Roker continues to amaze the denizens of Philly, revealing that he is, as suspected, a hugger. As is Matt Lauer. Katie Couric? [Insert controversial pause] Sure, guess you could say she's a hugger, too. In fact, the entire staff of the Today show molests one another daily. Except for Ann Curry. No one will touch her. [NBC10]
• So who screamed at Brandon Davis, berating him for revealing Lindsay Lohan's clit length and demanding that he "take a shower"? This girl, that's who. And she's Lindsay's biggest fan, so step the fuck off. [BWE]
• MySpace isn't just for greasy hipsters and perverse predators — it's also for wannabe Playmates. [TMZ]
• Judge a book by its cover. [Book Covers]
• To Do, This Weekend: fuck a sailor, and fuck him good. Then tell everyone you know before realizing what you've done, then go get a STD test. [NY Sun]
• Mike Myers and his hockey stick are thisclose to joining Yonah Schimmel's and ABC No Rio as LES institutions. [Cityrag]
• Seriously, Frank Bruni, could you make us love you any more? Stop it! It's unnatural, this affection! [NYT]
• Meet the Harvard-Yale lovematch from hell. You may feel inferior now, but just wait until they move into their first Park Avenue penthouse and they start throwing crystal vases at one another. [Julia Allison]

A shoe-gazing BusinessWeek blogger, one of so many obsessed with Steve Jobs' wardrobe, noticed that Jobsy wore Nike Moires at the Apple-Nike deal announcement. That's a switch from his usual New Balance 991 GLs, says the Steve-watcher.

Steve Wozniak, about his slicker, richer, glammer Apple co-founder Steve Jobs:

What happens when you stick a handful of VCs into a room and ask them to pontificate? Apparently not much. By the time that notables like John Doerr and Steve Jurvetson got to this late excerpted part of their panel at the Churchill club, they were playing the Valley version of those late-night college bull sessions — "Dude! Dude! The girls on The O.C. are all hot but if you HAD TO PICK JUST ONE..." — with the usual "Who's the next ___" talk.

With all the "excitement" at the new Apple store on Friday, no one seemed to notice the perpetually wandering Bucky Turco, who managed to con his way past the line and get into the store before the masses. Once inside, he hit as many computers as he could, changing all of their browser homepages to his website, AnimalNewYork.com. A great method of free advertising, and probably the only way to ensure that Kevin Bacon sees your blog.

How does Apple fit all that stuff inside its clean white walls? Not the MacBook or the iPod — their Cupertino campus, which is bursting at the seams as the company awaits construction of new offices. Meanwhile, there's some creative space sharing, according to an employee.

Here's what happened this weekend, while you were out in San Fran, running Bay to Breakers:

In anticipation of tonight's grand opening of the new Apple Store on Fifth Avenue, at which the company will give away one free MacBook an hour for 24 hours, and which it's rumored Steve Jobs himself might be in attendance, Gawker Media hanger-on and CBS Public Eyer Brian Montopoli passes along some headline ideas for tomorrow's coverage of the sure-to-be-imminent riots. His suggs:

What pleasures await in this pure palace of Apple? This morning, join us to watch Consumerist's coverage of the new 24-hour store in NYC.

Just so we all know what we're snarking this week, here's what the Big 3 5 7 plus or minus 2 are rolling out.

Since you loved it last time, here's what tech's top dogs did this weekend.

In case you didn't see the video this weekend: A cabbie being mistaken for an IT journalist in the wake of the Apple vs. Apple decision. Here, the BBC interviews an unwitting taxi driver, thinking he's tech expert Guy Kewney. The cabbie gives one look of shock ("face of horror" on the transcript) and then decides to fake it.

And a cute lil' vid to end your day: how John Lennon invented the iPod.

Lawyerin' for Apple can't be easy, since there's just about one person on the planet who hasn't sued them. Well, the legal team's leader is done defending. Was it the incident with the little girl? The fight with the Beatles? The fiasco with the earphone class action? The stress of buying the rest of Cupertino? Or does Steve Jobs know how to pull off a forced resignation in an elevator?