Internet hustler Jason Calacanis might be Twitter friends with Ashton Kutcher and Kutcher's wife Demi Moore, but the Brooklyn native will still slam the celebrities for harassing two homebuilders.

We're thrilled to bring you yet more footage from the Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore joint project no one wanted, He's Just Not That Into the Neighbors' Banging—sort of What Happens in Vegas meets Deck the Halls.

Realizing posting foul-mouthed, fowl-pooped rants against his neighbor mightn't have been the gentlemanly thing to do (particularly considering construction of the Kutcher/Moore Cougar Den took a solid decade to complete), Kelso has tweeted an apologia.

Today's tweets: Ashton Kutcher tried to be more tolerant, the New Yorker's Sasha Frere-Jones tried to be more zen, and a guy who dropped out of journalism school tried to be more drunk.

Until now, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's adventures in Twitterland have been innocuous enough escapades, Ash offering up humorous, 140-character-or-less movie quotes, his clueless cougress responding with amusing concern. All that is over.

In between fielding calls from the CIA and praising "Love and Light," internet-savvy whippersnapper Ashton Kutcher procured an "assistant" (virtual?) to introduce wife Demi Moore to Twitter. Moore's already getting snarky.

Having famously "plowed through" San Francisco's eligible bachelorettes, Digg founder Kevin Rose went L.A. for his most recent paramour, Shira Lazar. Who is this Web-video wannabe with links to Dov Charney and Julia Allison?

Spread—in which Ashton Kutcher graphically screws his way to the middle in Hollywood—is surely one of the most commercial films at Sundance this year. It is also like Shampoo, but for awful people.

In the latest roundup of news from the frozen, overcaffeinated Park City frontier, Sony bets on black, Ashton Kutcher gets it on (and on) and Uma Thurman revolutionizes Sundance fitness.

Our daily, bleary-eyed round-up of developments from Park City finds a unseasonably warm — and quiet — day at the festival. Except ZOMG IT'S ASHTON!!!!

Sundance affords as many opportunities for career setbacks in 10 days as it does for meteoric advancement — not even Robert De Niro or Dakota Fanning could get out of Park City alive.

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson got into yet another public spat while heading home to LA after spending New Year's in Miami. Lindsay eventually got so upset a flight attendant suggested LiLo disembark. [TMZ]
• George Soros reportedly spent New Year's partying with "two young brunettes" on Paul Allen's yacht, Octopus, off St. Barts. Now at least we know where son Alex gets it from. [P6]
• Queen Latifah was robbed of $10,000 worth of jewelry while on vacation in Trinidad and Tobago over Christmas. [Us]
• Kathy Griffin made a dick joke during CNN's live NYE broadcast with Anderson Cooper. The video is here, in case you care. [NYP]

♦ No official confirmation yet, but media insiders say David Gregory has been tapped to take over as host of Meet the Press. [Politico]
♦ It's rumored Carine Roitfeld is replacing Anna Wintour at Vogue. [Gawker]
♦ A former employee of Charles Kushner is accusing him of funneling cash from his real estate empire to prop up Jared Kushner's Observer. [Daily Intel]
♦ Harvey Weinstein owes Cindy Adams $10,000. [NYP]
♦ Condé Nast has shuttered its social networking site Flip.com. [Gawker]
♦ CBS is producing a new hidden camera show with Ashton Kutcher. [NYT]
♦ Katie Couric has a new haircut, in case you haven't noticed. [HuffPo]
♦ Arianna Huffington's how-to book for aspiring bloggers. [Jossip]
♦ Ever fantasized about having lunch with Nation editor Katrina vanden Heuvel? You can—for $2,500. [NYO]

It was a fantasy left over from the last boom: Hire a movie star to pitch your startup, and the dusting of tinsel will turbocharge sales. Those William Shatner ads sold plane tickets for Priceline, right? But the career of hard-partying entrepreneur Andrew Frame did not follow that script. We hear he was just fired as CEO of the Internet-phone startup he cofounded, Ooma. His most notable decision, hiring actor Ashton Kutcher as "creative director," did not pan out; Kutcher made a few incomprehensible videos, and then faded from the scene.Frame, a high-school dropout who'd nevertheless managed to get a job at Cisco, the networking-equipment maker, could have been at least a TV star himself; he looks eerily like Will Arnett's G.O.B. character on Arrested Development. And Ooma's products, the Hub and the Scout, are pleasant enough to look at, too. As if there wasn't enough of a Hollywood connection, Frame lied about the Palo Alto-based startup's age.

Hike! For some reason, daughter forgetter Ashton Kutcher has spent the last year assistant coaching the Harvard-Westlake freshman football team, a duty that mostly involves protecting them from the advances of hungry cougar Demi Moore. Yet, the kids are not all right. "The kids want him gone," a source tells Star. "They think he doesn't know what he's talking about and can't stand his tough-guy attitude." The high-schoolers have even nicknamed him "Ashton Doucher." Kids today! Back in our day, "Asston" would have been the no-brainer. [Star]

· Anne Hathaway is set to star in The Fiance, about a young woman who, despite her parents' wishes, leaves her seemingly perfect fiance in order to find herself. Let us guess — he's Italian, right? [Variety] · Lionsgate has attached Ashton Kutcher to portray an ex-hit man in the action-comedy Five Killers. [Variety] · Today in survival: ABC has picked up a full second season of its medical soap Private Practice, and CBS ordered more scripts for its new series Worst Week. [The Live Feed] After the jump: What Oscar-nominee hopes to win the Nobel Peace Prize and call Bill Clinton a "weenie" in her next film?· Naomi Watts is close to a deal to star in My Name is Jody Williams, a biopic of the brash teacher-turned-activist who launched a controversial, Clinton-needling campaign to eradicate land mines. [THR] · Rosie O'Donnell will star in and executive produce the Lifetime original movie America, an adaptation of E.R. Frank's touching book about a troubled, 232-year old superpower fighting its way through the foster-care system in New York. [Variety]

Punk'd host Aston Kutcher showed up at TechCrunch50 last month to put some Web 2.0 spin on a cartoon from his studio, Katalyst Films. Blah Girls, from Kutcher's point of view, is surely a flop, having failed to stay afloat atop Google News and Twitter. But the fake behind-the-scenes clips Kutcher's crew post to YouTube are in some ways better than The Office. These guys are from Hollywood, so they always know where their third act is. Too bad they can't teach it to Sequoia.

♦ Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky are getting married tonight. Mark Consuelos, the husband of Kelly Ripa, is presiding over the ceremony. So if you have no plans and you'd like to see this bizarre menagerie of people for yourself, please show up at Le Cirque on East 58th Street. [P6]
♦ Despite rumors, Elisabeth Hasselbeck says she has no plans to leave the View for Fox News. [E!, People]
♦ Madonna and Alex Rodriguez may have had dinner together, although both of their reps deny it. [P6]
♦ Mark Ronson and Amy Winehouse are working together on a new song. Hopefully it'll turn out better than their last attempt at a collaboration, which "ended in tears." [Mirror]

Are there millions of people out there who actually happen to be fans of Ashton Kutcher and/or Demi Moore? Apparently! At least that would explain why Barack Obama's latest campaign video features the duo with a cardboard cutout of the candidate. The queasy footage after the jump.

Click to viewBoomp3.com High school football coach and digital camera pitchperson Ashton Kutcher called for a time out during the big break to ask his defense line for some feedback on his latest ad campaign. Kutcher was concerned that he was coming off like a slight tool in the latest ads. However, the defense line thought that they should focus on the game since they were only down by a field goal. Kutcher said that he had the game winning play all drawn, but would only give it up after getting some feedback. The That 70s Show star told the guys to be completely honest and brutal with him. The defensive captain speaking for the whole team said, “I don’t know. It’s mildly annoying, but it could be worse. Now, can we get that game winning play?” Kutcher patted the defensive captain on the back and told him to sit the rest of the game out. [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.