Do you want to be able to discuss the endings of 50 classic novels, but can't spend the time it takes to read all of them? If so, then it's your lucky day! 50 endings. Four minutes. Be spoiled, inside.

Here's a new list of the highest-paid authors. Once again, it's all the crappy ones.

Highfalutin' editor Tina Brown and her even more highfalutin' husband, "Sir" Harold Evans the Elder, are the featured guests on an upcoming one of those celebrity cruise things. How delightfully low-rent!

Anne Rice wrote all those vampire books and we were like "Uhh.." and then she became a Catholic and we were like "Okayyy..." but then she quit the church and now she's speaking out and we're like "She's our hero!"

The prolific British-American writer Christopher Hitchens was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer, which is a very bad cancer. In a new Vanity Fair essay, Hitchens writes about his disease, including his miserable day leading up to a Daily Show taping.

Anne Rice is famous for writing crazy books about vampires, living in a spooky house, and , strangely, being a big Christian. UPDATE: Anne Rice is no longer a Christian.

Though we have recently been ensconced in a blissful, months-long "No Tucker Max News to Report" period, it appears that our peace shall soon be shattered: our "favorite" "person" (Tucker Max) has a new book coming out. With words!

In your Newsweeky Monday media column: the latest on the secret rumored alleged unknown bidders for Newsweek, suggestions for Newsweek's future success, Michael Isikoff leaves Newsweek, and Tim Cahill's having a rough time, Newsweek notwithstanding.

Kevin Daum writes books about business and marketing. He is not a New York Times bestselling author. That did not stop him from getting "New York Times Best Seller" tattooed on his chest (backwards).

The new book Black Hearts details the ill-fated 2005 deployment of one platoon of soldiers in Iraq, which descended into brutality and war crime. Author Jim Frederick is here to answer your questions in the comments.

The Miami New Times says it's uncovered no fewer than 16(!) new instances of plagiarism by former Daily Beast reporter, serial plagiarist, and self-described thieving cocksucker Gerald Posner. This guy! It's always the thieving cocksuckers you have to watch.

Reformed pill-popper Elizabeth Wurtzel dragged herself out of the "I'm an author" gutter and went to law school at age 40. But then she failed the bar exam. Today, she's taking it again! Good luck Liz! Legalize like a champion!

Greek shipping heir and bizarre social critic Taki Theodoracopulos claims to have a big secret stash of vibrant correspondence from J.D. Salinger. Taki gives the following thumbnail account of Salinger's myriad hated enemies:

Reclusive author J. D. Salinger has died. He was 91. Salinger, creator of Holden Caulfield and the Glass family, was an unofficial spokesman for every alienated or precocious teenager in the English-speaking world.

Have some free time on your hands? Sure you do! Listen to David Sedaris read his short story, "Six to Eight Black Men," in it's entirety. The story is about about how Christmas is celebrated far away in the Netherlands.

Former drug-and-sex addict and current writing-about-drug-and- (just!) sex-addiction addict Benoit Denizet-Lewis had the swine flu for eight days. Then he ate bad sushi and got sick. There's a fine how-do-you-do, eh? [BDL]

Schlitz-grasping cargo short sporter Tucker Max has finally figured out why his movie, Penis in a Beer Cozy, was a financial failure.

Authors: never get conned by a friendly reporter into doing one of those "Let's Explore This Famous Writers' Work Space" stories. Your cool office is only cool in secret. We mean you, Jonathan Lethem!

Pulitzer Prize-winning New York Times reporter Nan Robertson—author of a book about how terribly the paper treated its female employees—died this week at the age of 83.

Sheryl Weinstein had an affair with Bernie Madoff. Then Bernie stole all of Sheryl Weinstein's money and she wrote a book about fucking him although he has a small penis. Sheryl's husband is not happy about this, but he understands.