• Madonna's estranged brother Christopher Ciccone is writing a tell-all book about his sis, and it's supposed to be extremely graphic and "devastating." [Page Six]

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

With Angelina Jolie in her final trimester, the last few weeks have brought an onslaught of Exclusives! that turned out to be false terribles, Bloopers! from co-stars over-spilling details about the impending birth, and most recently, Intimate Details! regarding the exact coordinates and furnishings planned for the Chosen Two’s habitat. While all the murkiness adds up to a few simple assumed facts (the twins are girls, they will be born in France, and no, they have not been born yet), we still can’t help being fascinated with Brad’s inner architect distracting him from any fear he may be suffering regarding the fact that his nervously alluded to “soccer team” dream is kinda coming true. And when nerves and cold feet collide in the form of rumored disputes on how to decorate the girls’ nursery, there is only one person to solve the argument over “60s modern” or “classic European”: a psychic, of course. What “vibe” the all-knowing cosmic guide got from the pair, and an update on that Versailles monstrosity of a nursery after the jump.

Just in case you haven’t already sunk into a envy-induced stupor reading story after story on how much cash Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are spending on the Chosen Two, the NY Daily News chimes in today to ensure you finally succumb to full-fledged depression. On top of the reported $20 million the pair is spending on French villas, armed cars, and getaway helicopters, not to mention Brad’s uber-modern shopping spree on oddly shaped furnishings for said villas, the king and queen of Wombwatch Central are finally getting around to the nursery. And this is not just any other nursery — need we remind you, this haven will serve to protect the most important little girls ever born. And from the sound of it, Brangelina are well aware of this. The breakdown, including how much more dough these brats-to be are costing the pair via newborn necessities like chandeliers and cashmere toys, after the jump.

• Kate Moss stormed out of a party at Milk Studios in Chelsea because they wouldn't let her bring three friends into the bathroom, citing a "strict one-person-at-a-time policy." [P6]

• Beth Ostrosky loves sharing wedding details. Howard Stern's almost-wife says she and the shock jock will be inviting 150 guests to an October wedding in the city, and she'll be wearing a Marchesa dress that she's been discussing with Georgina Chapman. Oh, and the happy couple plans to adopt more dogs since Howard says he's not having any more kids. [Page Six]

The birth of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins is, for celebrity tabloid editors and producers, like a presidential election night, the Superbowl and a moon landing all rolled into one, and the incredible pressure is destroying them one at a time. Bonnie Fuller was an early victim, losing all grip on reality at the end of March, when the magazine she then ran, Star, described a New Orleans wedding between the power couple that never took place. Then, earlier this month, Entertainment Tonight reported that Jolie had given birth to the twins in France, a story that was swiftly denied by reps for the couple and that is raising questions about the show's standards (apparently it was like the New Yorker of celebrity journalism). Now, Fuller's replacement at Star is also messing up the Brangelina story, cropping a month-old photo to make it look like Jolie "collapsed" in the south of France:

Angelina Jolie wasn’t kidding when she went on (and on) about über-husband, highbrow architect and sometimes-actor Brad Pitt’s obsession with home design in this month's Vanity Fair. As we noted on Tuesday, Jolie spent much of the VF cover story gushing about Pitt’s ability to design and teach her how to make the light look just right in all seasons (side note — are we the only ones who find this incredibly unsexy? Hell, it’s Brad Pitt. Nevermind). But on a recent jaunt to Switzerland, he dropped hundreds of thousands of dollars on in an effort to furnish upcoming Chosen Two Perfection Facility with furniture that is high on style but low on comfort. From scratchy aluminum rugs to chairs that do not look suitable for any variety of chair sex (wild or otherwise), we took a closer look at Brad’s shopping spree after the jump.

• Oprah Winfrey said Barack Obama's victory made her do "the happy dance all day." And she's totally ready to piss off more viewers by campaigning for him again. [Showbiz Spy]

• Brad Pitt spent the weekend at the Miami Basel fair in Switzerland buying a $293,000 white marble table and $25,000 chairs while a very pregnant Angelina Jolie stayed home in France. [Page Six]

A couple days ago, the idea that OK! and People were offering $15 million for the first snaps of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins seemed crazy. Now comes word that bidding may be approaching the $22 million mark, with People the likely victor or loser, depending on how you view tabloids' rabid interest in the spawn of overrated celebrities. Remember when people were outraged over the $7 million People paid for Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's twins? Yeah, well, that was three months ago.

• Esquire's editor-in-chief David Granger says he never got a call from Bill Clinton, as the former president suggested in his comments last night when he was asked to respond to the incendiary Vanity Fair story by Todd Purdum. Turns out it was a measly staff editor who emailed. [Politico]

Welcome to Day 5 of Jolie WombWatch: We join you live as the world's downtrodden and miracle-needy—still frustrated over the lack of any measurable improvement since the last Chosen One graced our midst—sit glued to their ham radios, anxiously awaiting any verifiable updates on the official birth-status of Jolie-Pitt Chosen Children Numbers Two through Three. (The latest theory is that ET was right all along, and that the couple is covering up the delivery in order to score an exclusive payday with another publication. Conspiracy! Building 7! Runner 6074! Hill: Ego Only!) Meanwhile, Baby Truth is wheezing its tiny lungs out behind a full-on media-assault smokescreen. Most notably, Jolie graces the cover of the current Vanity Fair, where she describes all the dilletanteish qualities in Pitt that inspired her to break up his marriage:

• Lindsay Lohan's mom Dina faces "immediate arrest and imprisonment" if she doesn't show up in court this morning on charges she gets drunk in front of her kids, 11 and 14, and the she missed 15 of 29 court-ordered visitations, and showed up to one inebriated. Ex-husband Michael Lohan also threw in to the court filing that Dina is sometimes mean to her puppy — putting it in a kennel instead of letting Michael watch it — because he knows that will piss people off more than the child abuse or whatever. [R&M]

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's unborn twins are worshiped by the entertainment press as a sort of double celebrity messiah. Bidding for exclusive first pictures has reportedly reached $15 million and is poised to rise further. So it was with no small measure of elation Friday that Entertainment Tonight delivered news that the twins had just been born in the south of France, a big scoop. But People and Us Weekly soon reported denials from reps for the couple. Brad Pitt attended a Grand Prix event across the border in Italy, which would be an odd decision for a new father. The celebrified Associated Press, which obtained a denial from Pitt's manager, asked, "Was Entertainment Tonight punk'd?" Maybe not. Maybe it is the victim of a MASSIVE ANGELINA JOLIE CONSPIRACY.

We know we threw your worlds for a loop this morning when we relayed ET's joyous news that noted orphan-collecting pregnancy-dabbler Angelina Jolie had delivered healthy twin girls, then cruelly swiped back the statement like a rattle from an abandoned French toddler. We've been patiently awaiting ET Online's retraction, but instead have gotten nothing but the above meltdown message for the past couple hours. Could their faulty reporting have caused a massive, Paramount Tabloid Syndicate grid failure? Or are they just closing shop until the intern instructed to, "Get me a fucking picture of those twins, I don't care if you have to set up a step-ladder and climb into Angelina's birthing canal!" returns with the smoking goods in hand? Developing. [ET Online]

No sooner had we endured the traffic overload at the Petit Trésor website long enough to order a pair of custom-bedazzled Isla and Amelie onesies for the proud parents, came shocking news over the Biological MaternityWatch transom suggesting the Chosen Twins were in fact still resting comfortably inside their mother. People.com debunks:

Big news! The first Morse code beeps heralding the arrival of two more biologically achieved additions to the Jolie-Pitt clan have landed in our Google Telegraph inbox. The joyous development comes almost two years to the day that the couple's first amorphous Chosen Blob was ushered into this world by a coterie of Namibian midwives. By contrast, genetically flawless Jolie-Pitt White Children Numbers 2 through 3 (names pending) were delivered in France, with all the First-World-medical-facility pampering that implies. More details as they come, including the all-important How Jennifer is Handling the News report, and whether or not it involves any huffily dispatched text messages demanding to know, "So r u in or out?? My body is a ticking biologicl wonderlnd!!"

In case you hadn’t heard, Europe is expensive. Coffee costs five bucks, the dollar is like a penny, and it takes a lot of money to look as cheap as Victoria Beckham. And apparently, having a kid over there will set you back about $10 million. That is, if you’re Angelina Jolie and you’re giving birth to the world’s most important children, The Chosen Two. According to Life & Style, Brad and Angie are set to push out their newest soccer team members in France, where they’ll spend up to $20 million dollars on “birthing costs,” including every new mom’s standard requirements like helicopters, villas on the Riviera, and a fleet of nine cars. The full breakdown on just how expensive it is to have a kid when you’re Brangelina, after the jump.

What's the only thing that could top a movie trailer featuring Brad Pitt aging backward? How about that same trailer featuring Pitt aging backward — en español? A sharp-eyed tipster today sends us our first glimpse of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the David Fincher-directed, Fitzgerald-inspired adaptation starring Pitt as a man whose life enters a complicated succession of romantic and historical phases when he ages in reverse. The English-language trailer is presently screening in advance of Indiana Jones 4, with an online launch expected in the weeks ahead; meanwhile, we'll take our grainy, "proximamente" Oscar bait where we can get it. [YouTube]