We recommend that you steel yourself before viewing this YouTube clip of an obviously crazed fan bum-rushing universally worshipped movie star Brad Pitt at the Venice Film Festival, as the footage demonstrates how easy it is for virtually any deranged admirer to penetrate a celebrity's defenses and attempt to embrace him in thanks for the urchin-collecting good works that have alleviated overcrowding in a variety of Third World orphanages. Make sure you watch the the video all the way to the end; most chilling is the moment where Pitt's Italian assailant cheerily waves to the camera, a gesture clearly meant to signal a fresh wave of hug-based attacks on Hollywood's goodwill ambassador by a legion of smiling stalkers emboldened by the fact that one can lay hands on the actor without so much as a tasering by his permissive security detail.

• Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger amicably split a few weeks ago, a source confirmed to Us Weekly on Labor Day (sneaky!). Was it her haircut? His male pattern baldness? Did the height difference eventually prove insurmountable? [Us Weekly]
  

In the excitement of yesterday afternoon's Brad Pitt JuryDutyWatch, we somehow missed the fact that Pitt was served a Subway sandwich for lunch. (It was not disclosed whether or not he enjoyed the sandwich.) Please accept our apologies for not bringing you this crucial information in a more timely fashion. [Us]

• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen report that they share a psychic bond. Also, Ashley told Marie Claire that they "both carry the weight of each other." Snarf. [Page Six]
  

Brad Pitt has been dismissed from jury duty. And thus ends Brad Pitt JuryDutyWatch. See you next year. [TMZ]

Breaking: Brad Pitt may have to perform civic duty. Oft-used "Don't you see how many kids I have to fucking take care of because my wife can't stop with the adoption nonsense?" excuse no longer flying with expasperated judge. Developing... [TMZ]

One set of celebrity children who will likely never stare back at you from underneath a magazine headline reading HELP! is Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's multicultural brood—unless, of course, the story in question seeks to expose how the doting parents are suffocating their orphan collection with too much love. The new issue of Life & Style boasts 10! pages! of exclusive! pics of the weekend-long celebration of Maddox's sixth year, which no less a source than Brad himself is said to have declared the tyke's "best birthday ever."

Since you're nothing in this world unless your likeness can be crushed onto an envelope with someone's dirty thumb, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie — this actor couple with some kids; you may have run across them once — must be incredibly relieved that their star status is now fully legitimized.

We realize with all the DUI and coke-in-pants excitement of recent days, it's all too easy to lose track of Hollywood's less selfish and better-adjusted luminaries. For example, we failed to investigate what the world's most famous orphan-collecting, bee-stung-lipped beauty, her aging pretty-boy lover, and their multi-ethnic brood did over their summer vacation. Thanks to the indiscretion of a French amusement center owner, however, the details of their afternoon bowling and air hockey adventures remain a mystery no longer:

This is so surely wrong—particularly as wire photos just showed the couple plus kids getting off a plane in southern France—but some Spanish-language MSN weirdness we've never heard of is claiming Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are separating. Our rudimentary high school Spanish, plus Babelfish, gives us this:

• Christina Aguilera might be enceinte! Her theoretical zygote can have playdates with Nicole Richie's maybe-fetus! [Page Six]
  

Angelina Jolie went on The Daily Show last night to talk about her new movie, A Mighty Heart. Jolie addressed the recent exclusion of Fox News from her - yeah, you know what, we don't care either! We just want to know how many more lucky tykes from the Third World are going to join the crew. Host Jon Stewart obliges by asking the question, but chooses a rather unfortunate term to describe her brood. Memo to Brad Pitt: We know you're "waiting for the gays" before you put a ring on that finger, but sack up: They're talking about your kids.

From the mailbag: "I work at Paramount plaza, the building that is in sad proximity to Mars 2112. Coming back from lunch just now there are hundreds of people surrounding the railings that overlook Mars, as well as at least 50+ paparazzi and at least one ginormous bodyguard guarding the stairs that go down to the restaurant (the body guard allowed only the paparazzi down the stairs while keeping the crowd contained high above). It would seem that Brad Pitt, Maddox, Pax and company are in 2112. I plan on using the spectacle as a diversion when I slip out of work early in 20 mins."

Today, Angelina Jolie's people responded to the brouhaha over the restrictive contract they'd given news outlets to sign before Jolie would agree to be interviewed on the red carpet at the premiere of her new film A Mighty Heart. When most news outlets refused to sign (and Roger Friedman got all indignant that Fox allegedly hasn't been invited), the damage control began. From the Times: "Ms. Jolie's lawyer, Robert Offer, said that the statement was the fault of a 'bone-headed, overzealous lawyer'—meaning himself—and that his client was unaware of the move." That's very nice of Robert Offer to take the blame; Jolie refused to comment. But a source tells us there's almost no way Jolie could not have signed off on the contract.

Forbes magazine, America's most trusted source for lists of really rich famous people accompanied by little blurbs explaining why these famous people are so rich, has released its annual Celebrity 100, featuring highly recognizable titans from the world of showbiz, sport, and song, all ranked according to their proprietary four-point power-classifying algorithm. While Earthly deity Oprah occupies the top position, Brad Pitt is not far behind at #5, a full nine spots above do-gooding domestic life-partner Angelina Jolie. It's a juxtaposition that lies in humorous contrast to the reality of the couple's day-to-day lives, where Jolie can at any given moment be overhead shouting from behind a computer monitor for her chief orphan wrangler to pick up the pace of his playroom tidying efforts, if the couple plans on making it to that evening's black-tie charity fundraiser before the keynote speaker has begun.

From the mailbag: "There are about 100 paparazzi and black SUVs across the street from my office on 62nd and Lex waiting for Brad Pitt to exit a pretty anonymous looking brownstone." Go forth!

If you go over to the Waldorf-Astoria, like, NOW, you can join the throng of 200 paparazzi who are waiting for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to emerge from the hotel.

Hey, so the Vanity Fair Africa issue hit newsstands today! Guest-edited by Bono! We rushed out to get our copy and brought it to the office where we realized that, you know, we're kind of shallow. Isn't Africa kind of last fall? We don't have the attention spans for that stuff. You know what we do care about, though? Celebrities! And with twenty different celebrity-studded covers, the magazine kept up involved for a good five minutes looking at the Annie Leibovitz compositions. Each one blends one subject from the previous cover, so you've got your Don Cheadle and Barack Obama giving way to Barack and Muhammad Ali. Here's a handy guide to who you'll want to look for at the newsstand.

· Can't three Hollywood buddies pose for some photos on their knees without people taking cheap shots at the nature of their friendship anymore?
· That's right, ladies: Larry David is back on the market. And as for the guys, Laurie David's got to be worth at least $100 million (assuming Larry didn't have her sign a Massey prenup), so bone up on your environmentally savvy pick-up lines (the one about checking out the back seat of your Prius is a classic) and get to work.
· E! Online details the hidden dangers of your innocent searches for photos of Britney Spears' vagina.
· Though he finds Judd Apatow cuddly, Peter Bart isn't buying the Knocked Up hype. Is the cantankerous Var chief's heart made of stone?

Back in the fall of 2005, Brad Pitt and George Clooney were widely reported as having co-invested in the Boom Boom Room, a Laguna Beach gay bar and hotel, though the actors' reps denied their involvement at the time. Its official buyer, Beverly-Hills-based billionaire Steven Udvar-Hazy, has now put the property back on the market. Smelling an opportunity to hang ten on a wave of some well-timed Oceans publicity, Lily-White Coastal Community Citizens for the Right to Get Hammered on Planter's Punch Among Their Own, Man-Loving Kind have enlisted the actors' help in an ad found on page 14 of today's Variety.