That "tell-all manuscript" about her relationship with Brad Pitt that Jennifer Aniston was seen holding on the cover of Star? Actually an airbrushed art catalog! We always figured her for illiterate anyway. [Radar]

It's hard to believe, but an entire year has passed since Angelina Jolie, swollen with her first biological offspring at the finest resort in Namibia, rang the delicate bell that summoned down from Heaven the host of seraphim midwives who would gently escort through her blessed birth canal the Chosen infant widely expected to usher in an era of worldwide peace and prosperity. Since those earliest, auspicious moments, however, Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt's messianic career has to be seen as a resounding disappointment, with not a single miracle credited to the tyke over the last twelve months, a letdown that quickly drove mother Angelina to the orphanages of Vietnam to snatch up the first adorable urchin to tug at the hem of her khakis.

It's been far too long since orphan-addicted baby-collector Angelina Jolie has opened up about her complicated feelings on biological childbirth, a selfish practice that invariably disrupts the color-coordinated harmony of any painstakingly racially balanced brood. But Jolie is once again ready to defend her still-controversial decision to use her uterus instead of a Third World nation's adoption system to add to her family last year, this time to Reader's Digest:

This week's New Yorker carries an excellent Lauren Collins profile of Banksy, the mysterious British graffiti artist/prankster. At the end of the piece, Banksy discusses the difficulty of flying under the radar, and points out an unlikely culprit who's made things more difficult for him:

The timeless Hollywood power struggle—studio wants a prestige picture that will appeal to as many moviegoers as possible, director just wants to get his fucking vision on the screen, if you don't mind—is on full display with Warner Bros. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford. Suffering at points in its post-production phase from a running time as unwieldy as its title, and a general divergence of above-the-line creative opinion, the upcoming Brad Pitt Western has been gathering dreaded Bad Buzz, the LAT reports, as the cavalry is being called in to oversee the cobbling together of alternate, more test-score-friendly cuts:

· An executive think-tank composed of movie and TV heavyweights proposes that the studios and the unions jointly fund an independent report to examine the residual and new-media compensation issues that could lead to a strike, described as a "a showbiz version of the report from the Iraq Study Group." Get ready for a prolonged, bloody, and disastrous war, Hollywood! [Variety]
·Brad Pitt joins Ocean's 13 BFF George Clooney in a project in which he may actually be called upon to act, the Coen Brothers' Burn After Reading. [THR]
· NBC's Kevin Reilly indicates that his network is pushing towards a year-round development schedule, an attempt at filling the creative pipeline with projects that can take over the timeslots of next fall's Studio 60/Black Donnellys-style disappointments once they're yanked at midseason. [Variety]
· And in other NBC programming news, the network will throw a May sweeps Hail Mary by broadcasting movies on Sunday night, realizing that an all Deal or No Deal schedule is probably not going to solve its ratings woes. [THR]
· You know what Hollywood's got too many of? Those damn meetings. Who's with us, people? [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in with gusto and verve! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the morning you spotted Pamela Anderson doing the convertible cruise of shame into Burbank.

The jilted celebrity weeklies' coordinated attacks on exclusive People collaborator Angelina Jolie continue in this week's Life & Style, with the second-tier glossy accusing the once-beatified orphan collector of being unable to love the overprivileged, tragically bland blob whose unparalleled genetic advantages may have robbed it of a personality compelling enough to hold Jolie's fickle attention, especially when she's constantly distracted by her hand-picked trio of fascinating refugees. If this anti-Jolie offensive drags on in the coming weeks, the actress may be forced to turn on Pitt, who's lately been cast as the put-upon partner of a selfish adoption addict in search of her next toddler-fix by her sensationalist nemeses, turning to her reliable public relations instrument in a shocking, retaliatory People exposé claiming "sources very close to the family" who reveal that Pitt is a "narcissist only able to love his biological baby" and who frequently refers to his adoptive family as "the fake kids."

· Pretty boy shingle fight! Warner Bros. and Leonardo DiCaprio's Appian Way defeat Paramount and Brad Pitt's Plan B for the rights to adapt upcoming autobiography The Wolf of Wall Street. The resulting project will allow for the continued collaboration of muse DiCaprio and master Martin Scorsese (is this whole thing creepy yet? Sort of, right?) at an undisclosed future point in the director's busy schedule. [Variety]
· Harry Potter stars Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, and Emma Watson are officially signed to do the last two movies in the franchise, allowing all pervs to feel closure about our their long-held feelings about how hot a (totally legal!) Hermione was going to be by the end of the saga. [THR]
· Short on original programming to celebrate with cheerful posters that might distract their
employees from the drudgery of their half-network existence, The CW has instead decided to commission some artwork to enliven their workplace. Pictured: an installation placed near the development department entitled, "We Will Splatter Your Fucking Brains On Your Cubicle Wall If You Don't Start Coming Up With Some Show Ideas, And Fast." [Variety]
· Bill Clinton admits that TV Land is the only thing that can dull the pain of loneliness while Hils is out on the campaign trail. [THR]
· The cash-strapped, East Coasted Daytime Emmy-givers of NATAS announce that winners will have to pay $350 each for their statuettes if there's more than one recipient in their category, while its West Coast counterpart promises to reimburse any Emmy victors from its jurisdiction unlucky enough to get stuck with a bill from their cheap peers. [Variety]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so we encourage you to send them in often, regardless of political affiliation. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw M.C. Hammer lurking for an inordinate amount of time at a movie theater condiments bar.

· Angelina Jolie will star in Universal's action flick Wanted opposite Morgan Freeman and James McAvoy. Shooting is scheduled to start in May in Eastern Europe, allowing the child-hoarding actress to finally tap that region's relatively underexploited orphan supply. [Variety]
· Oh, how cute: Jolie's boyfriend also has some news of his own in the trades! [Variety]
· NUTS signs The Office's Jennifer Celotta to a two-year, seven-figure overall deal, which the writer candidly admits may help her avoid being hobbled by the bookie owed a massive gambling debt following a bad NCAA tourney pick. Here's hoping she gets out of that dilemma without lasting physical injury. [THR]
· 21.7 million viewers tune in to the fourth season of premiere of Dancing with the Stars, but are ultimately disappointed when no tango foxtrot-related mishap occurs involving Heather Mills' prosthetic leg. There's always next week, sickies. [THR]
· WGA President Patric Verrone taunts the studios by informing Guild members that there's no evidence their saber-rattling adversaries have been stockpiling scripts to prepare for a possible strike. [Variety]

Details about every virtually moment of press-shy orphan collector Angelina Jolie's ("Photographs and press coverage will make him upset. I'm very worried about that. I would like to say I'm sorry for bringing this into Pax's life," she recently wept into a tape recorder, lamenting that there was no television camera nearby to more fully document her visible distress) trip to Vietnam to pick up her latest toddler acquisition continue to flood the media, with orphanage officials willing to go on the record about the Orphan Formerly Known as Pham Quang Sang's earliest moments as an official member of the Jolie clan. Here, one describes how some harmless subterfuge was used to coax the child into a large burlap sack held by Pax Thien's new mom to complete the adoption process:

The first photograph of latest Angelina Jolie orphan acquisition Pax Thien (née Pham Quang Sang) comes not, as we might have expected, in an impeccably shot Annie Leibovitz Vanity Fair spread dramatically depicting the actress's multicultural brood as delegates within the world's most adorable United Nations assembly, but in this simple wire service image of all the children available at the now world-famous Tam Binh orphanage at the time of Jolie and Brad Pitt's Thanksgiving urchin-scouting trip.

Orphan successfully adopted! Us Weekly follows up on yesterday's reports that Angelina Jolie was on her way to the Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City to personally collect her latest child purchase and save on exorbitant international shipping charges, revealing that the newest member of the rapidly expanding Jolie-Pitt clan is now safely in her possession. With Maddox's new little brother officially her property, Jolie is wasting no time customizing the three-year-old boy to her liking:

According to Vietnamese adoption officials who wished to remain anonymous for fear their violation of the International Celebrity Baby-Brokering Association's code of silence would earn them a punitive transfer to a much less fashionable Eastern European outpost stocked entirely with unpopular Caucasian children, Angelina Jolie's latest family-building mission is nearly complete, with the orphan-hoarding actress set to participate in an adoption ceremony—which may or may not include the sacred, ritualistic handover of a briefcase containing two million dollars in unmarked American currency—on Thursday morning. As a busy Brad Pitt was unable to make the journey to pick up the child the couple scouted back on a Thanksgiving window-shopping trip to the Tam Binh orphanage, he's fully authorized son Maddox (pictured above) to choose a different new brother if the one they'd previously hand-selected "got all weird or ugly or whatever" since his late November examination.

The cover of the new Us Weekly might be a little misleading on the matter of the Vietnamese baby about to join the celebrated, racially and genetically balanced family of Hollywood orphan-hoarders Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: the baby isn't yet en route to their New Orleans mansion in a satin-lined toddler-crate in the cargo hold of a Federal Express jet, as there's the small matter of the Vietnamese International Infant Export Agency adoption process to be dispensed with.

Possessing love reserves far too great to squander merely on her current family configuration of "2 miraculous, multicultural orphans/1 amorphous vanilla blob/1 eager-to-please, diaper-changing studmuffin," actress, humanitarian, and adoption addict Angelina Jolie has taken the necessary legal steps to finally fill the Vietnamese-baby-shaped hole in her heart:

Hopes and Dreams: The Story of Barack Obama, an "instant-book" slapped together by a freelance writer in two weeks, will be published this week by Black Dog & Leventhal. According to the WSJ, this is an instance of a burgeoning trend: "with book sales declining, publishers increasingly are looking for quick-turnaround opportunities, hoping to tap public interest in a subject when it is hot." Oh, those desperate publishers, always looking for new ways to compensate for their tragically declining sales!

Because an A-list actor's refusal to attend the Academy Awards ceremony in a year in which he appears in a Best Picture candidate is an act of disrespect to the Hollywood Community tantamount to urinating upon one of Wolfgang Puck's chocolate Oscars at the Governors Ball, Page Six launched an investigation into Brad Pitt's Sunday night whereabouts, finally determining that the personally un-nominated performer was busy filming a movie in New Orleans. With that mystery solved, they turn their attention to the Not-So-Curious Case of Eddie Murphy's Post-Loss Disappearance:

Hoping to keep their conference from devolving into a starfucker-riddled orgy of swag suites attended by people who sneer,"What's the best Third World microlending panel I've seen this year? Are you fucking kidding? I'm just here for the parties," organizers of this year's World Economic Forum in Davos are eschewing the participation of the Hollywood do-gooders whose attendance often overshadowed the substance of the 2006 event: