This morning, 15 buffalo escaped their their upstate New York farm and roamed the countryside, eventually stopping in the town of Bethlehem. Like some other famous visitors to Bethlehem, there was no room for them there; unlike the Holy family, the buffalo were quickly gunned down.
"Sup, girl?" asked a creeper buffalo during one woman's recent trip to a Washington wildlife park, adding, "Is that bread you got there? Cool. Wanna French?"
As you've no doubt heard, a giant snowstorm has shutdown most of Buffalo. People were trapped for dozens of hours, some of them without food or water. A few of braver ones to took the street to gather food from an obvious source: an abandoned Doritos truck.
Can you tell what's going on in this photo? You can't, because everything is covered in fucking snow. It was taken in Buffalo, New York, yesterday, near where dozens of people have spent the past 35 hours trapped in their cars on Interstate 90.
A country club wedding in a Buffalo suburb devolved into an enormous melee that required police officers from seven different agencies to respond, the Buffalo News reports. Hours after the happy couple exchanged their vows, one witness told the newspaper, family members were screaming that they hated each other, punching holes in the walls, and splattering the dance floor with one another's blood.
We know you can't afford to buy a house in New York City. So how about, uh, Buffalo? You'll never be short on snow. And you won't believe how affordable the houses are.
Driving while black has apparently been expanded to include even starting a car while black. This Western New York man was the victim of an angry mom's racist tirade just for getting ready to leave a parking lot while she walked by with her kids.
The saddest thing is a baby polar bear in Alaska waiting and waiting for his mom to come home, but the mom never comes home because a hunter killed her, for sport. And this will always be the saddest children's story, because now the lonesome motherless bear is condemned to live forever in a zoo, in Buffalo.
Something is rotten in the state of New York. Specifically, upstate. People in the Buffalo area keep crashing their cars into buildings, and nobody can explain it.
Jamey Rodemeyer—the 14-year-old high school freshman from Buffalo, N.Y. who recently committed suicide after enduring years of bullying for his sexuality—was buried by his family yesterday, and in his honor Lady Gaga dedicated her iHeartRadio Music Festival performance of "Hair" to him. Rodemeyer was a huge Gaga fan, and even thanked her in his final blog post. His death seems to have had a profound effect on the pop star, who's announced on her Twitter that she wants to meet with President Obama to press for legislation that would make bullying a hate crime.
What say we check the headlines for a new installation of that old segment, Morons With Signs On Their Lawns, hmm? Let's see here... well look at that, it's a moron with a sign on his lawn! Michael Heick of Amherst, New York — the moron — lives next to a mosque, but can't stand their flashy lights. So the sign he's put on his lawn says, "BOMB MAKING NEXT DRIVEWAY." Take that, fuckers!
Muzzammil Hassan, the Buffalo businessman who founded a television channel to counteract stereotypes about Muslims, was found guilty of murdering and beheading his wife. In his closing statement, Hassan argued that he was the victim of spousal abuse. [Buffalo News]
As far as we can tell, nobody died yesterday in Black Friday madness. But this guy got trampled at a Buffalo, New York Target store. He attempted to continue his hunt for bargains, only to collapse from the pain.
Human Halloween costume Carl Paladino, New York's Republican gubernatorial candidate, will lose to Andrew Cuomo by a full 100 percentage points tomorrow. So why shouldn't he just go nuts at a Buffalo bar on Halloween weekend?
Joseph Jacobi, who owns a pizzeria in Buffalo, pleaded guilty in August to withholding more than $104,000 in state taxes. His sentence: Deliver 12 pizzas every week to the Buffalo City Mission for a year.
New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino, who doesn't care for those Speedo-wearing gays and their gyrating, actually used to rent space to two gay nightclubs in Buffalo. His son even ran one, Cobalt, Buffalo's onetime "gay club of the moment."
Police in Buffalo yesterday arrested 35-year-old Keith Johnson in connection with the shooting on Saturday of eight people, four of whom died, outside of a wedding anniversary party. But after reviewing video from the scene they've released him. Oops. [NYDN]
President Obama visited Buffalo today in order to meet with the poors and unemployeds. But it wasn't all bad! He got to eat delicious buffalo wings and was called a "hottie with a smoking body." Click through for the video.
The northern city will unveil 15 sketches and a sculpture by the late Spanish weirdo, created for his beloved dermatologist. That fellow, Edmund Klein, died and left the collection to his family, who've lent it to the University at Buffalo.
