It's such a shame we'll be washing our hair for the next few weeks:

Auntie Joyce Wadler is at it again:

• Without quibbling about whether a now-75-year-old man's 12-day marriage seven years ago in fact counts as "fresh" intelligence, we do want to point out that his (barely) wife back then, Catherine Oxenberg, is an ex-Dynasty star, not an ex-Dallas star, as you're reporting. We're disappointed: This concerns Pop!, Scandal!, and, to some degree, Style!, so it really seems like the sort of thing you should know.

• Thanks to everyone who's alerted us to the unsolicited photos of a naked Jude Law. Like Page Six, Sienna Miller, Sadie Frost, Daisy Wright, and God knows who else, we are unimpressed. But we still like to look. [Page Six]
• Judging from the $10,000 dollars Britney Spears spent on boyish baby clothes, it's safe to say that the Federletus has developed into a boy. Who will be born wearing a wifebeater, we assume. [Scoop]
• Perhaps Baby Federletus can have a playdate with the spawn of Bennifer Deuce (Affleck and Garner), who are having a girl. [R&M (4th item)]
• Matt Lauer has reportedly vacated his Trump Park Avenue refuge and returned to the condo he shared with his wife Annette. Of course, we have no idea if his wife is still actually there, but it's a step toward reconciliation. [Page Six]
• Madonna's rep Liz Rosenberg says that since falling from her horse and breaking three ribs and her collarbone, Madge likely "won't be hanging from a disco ball anytime soon." Oh, the tragedy of it all... [NYDN]

WWD heavyweight Jeff Bercovici reports some sad, sad news today:

• Mariah Carey considers suing Eminem for defamation of character after the rapper plays voice messages allegedly from Carey during his concert. As if one man alone could be responsible for that woman's character issues. [Page Six]
• Former Libertine Pete Doherty was busted, again, on Friday for possession of crack cocaine and heroin. His on-and-off again fiancée Kate Moss is being urged by friends, again, to leave the addict. We see this ending rather badly, again. [R&M]
• Because the sun simply doesn't shine without a negative report on Martha Stewart, the indentured servants at her Bedford estate are complaining about low morale. Perhaps it's because they know that in a matter of months, they'll be replaced by Stewart's genetically engineered slavebots. [Page Six]
• At Pamela Anderson's recent Comedy Central roast, the jokes still seemed to steer towards Tom Cruise — probably because Scientology jokes are still a few days away from being as tired as bimbo jokes. [Scoop]

• This might be the best waste of time we've seen in the past 10 minutes: Behind the scenes of The Apprentice, as depicted by a chronic misspeller with a doll fetish. [Debbie C.B.'s NYC]
• So Vikram Chatwal's Dream Hotel isn't exactly somewhere you'd want to stay. But maybe his next venture, the Night Hotel, won't smell like sour milk. [HotelChatter]
• We're not sure what to think of the fellow who described the chaos of 9/11 as "kind of like a discotheque." [NYT]
• Congrats to our little Oddjack for securing AJ Benza on staff and bringing things to a whole new level of offense. [Oddjack]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has never read a book in her entire life. We're not surprised to learn this, although we are surprised her publicist let her utter such a thing. [omg!!!]

After plugging an upcoming wedding segment, Katie Couric notes that one might want to hide the bridesmaids, because Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee is in the studio to discuss his new reality show Tommy Lee Goes to College. "He scares me," Couric coyly notes. But you like being scared, don't you, Katie? Oh yeah, Katie, you're giggling now. We get it. You like getting all caught up in the moment, grabbing Tommy's big strong arm, being bad but feeling so good...

Friday we passed along word that not only is Heidi Klum on the cover of the upcoming Vitals Woman in a very pregnant state, but she's also photographed inside that magazine both pregnant and naked. Turns out the rumor was true, and a devoted reader delivered the money shot, as it were. The big picture, after the jump.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

We've known for a few weeks that a very pregnant Heidi Klum would be on the cover of September's Vitals Woman. What we didn't learn until today is that inside the magazine — copies of which are starting to float around the Newhouse empire — there's a very pregnant, very naked Heidi Klum. Our source on this is very sure, very reliable, and, it seems, very, very excited. We're not on the team that shares his enthusiasm about such things, but we're still curious to see.

The pullquote accompanying this photo (larger version here) of Jessica Simpon in today's Metro New York:

• More on Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Okay, maybe she's 9 weeks into her first trimester, which is more preggers than we thought (although a Gawker reader who saw her on stage the other night reported that the actress looked rather skeletal). Also, Sienna believes Jude is a sex addict, which would explain why he can't stop porking anything with an orifice. [R&M]
• The US version of OK! magazine (hitting stands tomorrow, we believe) gets the first Michael Jackson post-trial, incredibly fluffy interview. Jackson was reportedly paid $2 million to sit down with the celebrity rag and got full approval over the article — so you know it'll still be perverted. [Page Six]
• If Lindsay Lohan is subpoenaed in her parents' ugly divorce trial, will she arrive to court late and too "sick" to testify? [NYDN]
• Pity the publisher who doesn't snap up David Gest's memoir of being beaten by ex-wife Liza Minnelli. That thing will be instant gold, we guarantee it. [Scoop]

Let's start the day off with some hard news, perhaps some fodder so that you might sound a bit more genius around the water cooler (unless, of course, you're stuck at Wenner media, in which case you don't have any water whatsoever*), shall we? Sienna Miller, the former fiancée of Jude Law, is reportedly six weeks pregnant with his large-headed child. Or so says AMI's Star magazine, and we know they're #1 in Celebrity Baby-Creation. According to our friends at AMI, Sienna and Jude announced the news to their family just two days before Jude came forth and confessed that he had an affair with his children's nanny.

Er, scratch that. Leslie Bennetts, the Vanity Fair writer who talked to Jennifer Aniston, talks. Just in time for today's drop of the incredibly hyped VF September issue, in which Jennifer Aniston finally speaks out about the destruction of all that we believed in with the end of her marriage to Brad Pitt, Bennetts is making the morning show rounds (Good Morning America gets the sloppy seconds by just a few moments) to talk about her talk with Aniston.

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• A milestone in the struggle for equality: TV networks cover a missing black and Hispanic woman the same way they usually cover missing white women. Someplace, Dr. King is smiling. [USAT]
• Surprised to learn in the Post a few days ago that Osama planned to poison our cocaine? Yeah, so was the DEA. [NYDN]
• Morgan Spurlock is coming to Comedy Central, continuing his effort to become more ubiquitous than McDonald's but not nearly as delicious. [Mediaweek]
• Interestingly, in-flight mags are not the best place for subversive political satire. Who knew? [Folio:]
• At new Bloomberg LP headquarters, Charlie Rose guests are insufficiently from the hoi-polloi reporters. The horror. [WWD]
• Bob Woodward's The Secret Man is, maybe, a very poorly selling best-seller. [Media Mob]

• At the after-party for the premiere of Broken Flowers, star Bill Murray jumped over a table and chased down an Interview photographer for taking his picture. Sadly, the party was sponsored by that very magazine, but you try telling that to a crazy man. [R&M]
• Apparently, Murray's mood was not aided by Mercedes, which sent out luxury cars to chauffeur certain luminaries to the event. While Bill Murray and Jim Jarmusch were carted about in a Maybach 62, poor Sofia Coppola and Taye Diggs were forced to ride in a ghetto Mercedes R-class. Bill Murray hates this sort of injustice, we're sure. [Page Six]
• Johnny Knoxville stays true to form, kicking the ass of some striped button-down wearing frat boy who wouldn't leave Kate Moss alone at a Soho bar. Such a gent, defending the honor of his former mistress. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• OMG, Roger Friedman is still writing about Michael Jackson. The mind boggles. [Fox411]

Today's Boldface Names column spends some quality time with our favorite homoerotic trainwreck, comedian Andy Dick, who seemingly has taken to standing upright and speaking in complete sentences:

• Is Cargo editor Ariel Foxman increasingly straight? Probably not, but it's certainly fun to speculate. [Jossip]
• Tara Reid: Still drunk after all these years. [Socialite's Life]
• What's summer without a little sexual harassment for the interns? [Opinionistas]
• You know how the kids from MTV's reality show Laguna Beach are kinda, like, bitchy? More on that right here, from Lo's photo album. [SexyBiatch101]
• When isn't preference given to gay couples or Paris Hilton? [Craigslist]
• Planning ahead in the age of terror. [YouBlewMeUpYouBastard]
• More on the Dove ads: We love how it's SHOCKING to NOT use emaciated models. More reactions, please, we're so into this. [VV]