We've already seen how Corey Haim's first day of work on the Lost Boys sequel—what should really have been a day for triumphs and smiles—quickly turned into a bloodsoaked, Euripidean tragedy. But what if we were to turn the clocks back to eight hours before his trailer meltdown? Thanks to The Two Coreys, we become a fly on the wall of Haim's improbably plush living quarters, watching him pace nervously as he attempts, via repetition of the mantra, "Breathe, dog," to locate his canine center.

With 600 conferencegoers, attendance is down, but not dramatically. It's not a boycott; it's a borecott. But 600 followers devoted enough to trek to Alexandria are more than enough to puff up Wales's ego. They think they're attending a conference; like the postadolescents ringing Wales at Foo Camp, they're really just playing his game.

Four ways to jump start your Monday morning: 1. Moisten fork prongs with mouth. Place end of fork between teeth, press prongs into nearest wall socket. 2. Fill microwave-safe cup with water. Microwave for 2-3 minutes (times vary). Remove cup, pour contents directly onto eyeballs. 3. Have a co-worker hold a duct tape gun to your left ear. Spin in counter-clockwise circles until your entire head is mummified inside a sticky cellophane prison. See how long you can last without breathing before slicing open at mouth. 4. Read the box office numbers!

Sure, our end-of-the-day video-fests are usually about the 70s and 80s, but the 90s were pretty long ago. And, the fact is, it was a fairly rocking decade for the cinema. So let's celebrate it! I'll get us started with an instant classic.

I'm still all happy about today's Joss Whedon interview, so let's share our favorite scenes from science fiction, fantasy, and comic book movies and TV shows. I'll get it started with the trailer for a childhood favorite.

· Sorry to ladle on the Kathy Griffin today, but did she just tell Jay Leno she wants to shoot the cast of The Hills dead? So, basically, if any John Hinckley-type admirers out there are looking for some spectacular gesture of devotion, you've just received your marching orders. [Tonight Show]
· Lede of the Day: "Ronnie Wood has walked out on his wife and four children to live with a teenage cocktail waitress he met in an escort bar." [Daily Mail]
· The real Jaws town of Amity had two beaches shut down after an unconfirmed Great White sighting. Then George Lucas appeared in a Speedo to ruin a beloved memory for everyone. [AP]
· Brett Ratner is bringing together the hottest Jewesses on Earth to pose in your 5769 Hebraic Hotties swimsuit calendar. [Page Six]
· Bleepers, start your engines: Joan Rivers will be competing in the second season of Celebrity Apprentice. [HuffPo]
· Hey: Unicorn-Aids! (Not what you're thinking, sickies.) [Perpetualkid.com]

At the tender age of 15, Miley Cyrus has already amassed more money in her ING savings account than most of us will ever see in our lifetimes. It seems that she's also beginning to amass a bit of what we in the business like to call an a-t-t-i-t-u-d-e, too. Just ask gossip maven (and burgeoning longhaired hippie) Harvey Levin, who nearly spits out an entire mouthful of whatever he slurps out of that beloved plastic sippy-cup of his when one of his young, muscular and totally single lieutenants informs him that Hannah Montana herself no longer uses the first grammatical person in her speech. Moments of levity like these, dear readers, are brought to each and every week as part of Defamer's Dirt Sandwich, which is back after a one week holiday hiatus. As always, the piece is packed with nothing but the freshest clips and is crafted with tender loving care by our own Molly McAleer. Take a bite, won't you?

Occasionally, I take a post-work nap before waking up to film the next night's To Do list. And on those occasions when I wake up from said naps, I am usually greeted with some sort of surprise. Typically, it's a pile of dog crap on the floor of my closet (Thanks, Wagandstuff!), but last night it was a spirited email from my partner in hate-crime, one Miss Edward Gottomesmerize Jolie Hyphen Pitt. In true EGJHP form, the email could only be described as "on point", and therefore I felt it would be selfish of me not to share it with you in its entirety. Check out the email and your weekend To Dos after the jump...

In one of the crasser—and we mean that in the most splendid sense of the word—attempts at pandering to one's target audience we've seen, Kathy Griffin posed with a sloth of bear supermodels (just trust us, these three are the Cindy, Linda, and Naomi of their respective niche) for the cover of A Bear's Life magazine, a photoshoot captured for her reality show cameras. "Fine," you're thinking. "Kathy Griffin, a room full of mostly naked, middle-aged gay men draped on and around her. What's the big whoop?" Well, the big deal is that Steve "The Woz" Wozniak, the most bearish of all billionaire PC revolutionaries and Griffin's former boyfriend (who apparently never made it made to first base, even with the help of a speedcap-hacked Segway), was on hand to take in the proceedings. Not surprisingly, he was cajoled by the comedian into posing with his body-type teammates, who pestered him with questions about whether or not the iPhone 3G would be better equipped to handle the thousands of high-bandwidth images being traded daily on ChubbyFeeders.com.

NEW YORK — Apple Store employees are a little tense today. They got nine hours of training preparing for today's iPhone 3G launch. Then there was all the press and hoopla when the day finally began. (I overheard two of them complaining about it: "I felt like I was going to vomit," one said. The other: "I felt like was as going to vomit too!") Then there was the crowd control. Then the iTunes Store, required to activate phones and thereby complete sales, went down. I snuck a hidden camera into the Fifth Avenue Apple Store and surveyed the chaos. Roll the clip. Meanwhile, here's a reader's account of an experience at an Apple Store in Walnut Creek, California:

NEW YORK — To get to the front of the line for the 3G iPhone here at the Fifth Avenue Apple Store takes about two hours of waiting from back to front. All for a device that probably won't work until tomorrow, thanks to a crash of Apple's activation system. It's much quicker — about two minutes — to just walk from the front to the back. Play the clip to ogle the desperate iPhone-seeking horde.

Brooke Hogan, the Saddest Reality Star on Earth, popped by GMA this morning to plug her new VH1 show Brooke Knows Best, where she was made to react to all the truly awful things to happen to her this year. By way of review: Her brother's best friend was left brain dead from a racing accident with her brother Nick Hogan at the wheel, for which he is currently serving an eight-month sentence. Also, her mother filed for divorce from her famous wrestler dad, and is now dating a 19-year-old. And where most of us would choose to cope with a year of unthinkable tragedy and heartache by, say, not submitting ourselves to 24-hour reality film crew documenting every emotional breakdown, Brooke has chosen the perhaps more challenging route, and done precisely that. To her credit, were it us in that situation, we'd probably be shitfaced and trying to make out with Sam Champion—but Hogan manages to admirably hold it all together. Let's hope she doesn't wind up being shuffled through the VH1 Celebreality repertory, and wind up roomies with Natasha Lyonne on Celebrity Rehab, or judging a hot-fudge-massage contest on her own competitive dating show, Hogan On To Love.

Call it a strange attraction: Women whose Wikipedia entries aren't to their liking just can't seem to resist taking their case to the site's stubbly cofounder, Jimmy Wales. Even CNBC's Becky Quick struck up a correspondence, she admits in this clip. Unlike Canadian television commentator Rachel Marsden, whose call for help turned into a sexual fling, Quick is married. To a computer programmer. (I can hear you all eating your hearts out.) Why didn't she just ask her husband for help getting her entry edited? Given Wales's reputation, that seems easier.

Watch Jimmy Wales's face as he's introduced in a segment for this morning's episode of Squawk Box on CNBC. Wales has long claimed to be Wikipedia's sole founder — a fact disputed by Larry Sanger, Wikipedia's cofounder. As CNBC's Joe Kernen matter-of-factly describes Wales as the site's cofounder, Wales furrows his brows, starts to open his mouth, darts his eyes back and forth, and then swallows his pride. You can just see him writing a blog post about it in his head.

If three makes a trend, then a new one is awkwardly dancing its way into Hollywood. First, Lindsay Lohan threw an 80s prom-themed party for her 22nd birthday, then we recently discovered some intriguing prom scene footage from that highly anticipated horny vampire flick Twilight, and now, Var is announcing that Miramax will produce a film based on “This Strange Thing Called Prom,” a piece published last month in the NY Times. Though we never had the (mis)fortune of going to one ourselves, due to prep schools’ distaste for tear-inducing, virginity-threatening functions, the infamous Prom Scene has always been a joyous go-to whenever a teen-themed movie needs a pretty way to transition into Act Three. Below, the five cinematic proms we wish we’d been invited to, from Buffy’s murderous rampage alongside easy rider Luke Perry to the moment Andrew McCarthy tells Molly Ringwald he loves her even though she’s wearing the ugliest dress in the history of ugly dresses.

Just when we thought we'd seen every imaginable prank comes this clip from Sci Fi Channel's Scare Tactics that should win Practical Joke of the Year Honors at the 2008 Punk'dies. In it, a woman delivers a ravenous, afterbirth-smeared devilmidget, sending an unwitting target into a fit of hysterics. It's possible she catches on after a few seconds, but she admirably never lets up on the screaming until the moment the Anton LaVey-ish midwife reveals, "You're on Scare Tactics!" and the world's most twisted mother pops her smiling head into the delivery room. In case you were worried about how the frightened woman fared, moments later, the entire cast was throwing back beers with her at a nearby pub, with the goodnatured actor who played the infant evil confessing to his frustrations that "Verne Troyer has my career."

Recently, a famous person said things he shouldn't have said while not realizing that his microphone was turned on. We honestly can't believe people still do this! They've been doing it since the inventions of microphones though, basically. And since the invention of Interet Video, we can watch and rewatch these fuckups over and over again! Video guru Nick McGlynn put a couple of the more choice live-mic mistakes together into one great clip. Remember when Kyra Phillips bitched about her brother-in-law in the bathroom and somehow the audio interrupted a Bush speech? Remember when President Reagan rambled about nuking Russia? Remember when Jesse Jackson said he would tear Barack Obama's nuts off? Now you don't have to "remember" any of those things because they are all right here in this post.

One of Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales's most charming personality traits is his relentless starfucking. It's a tendency that's exacerbated by his role as spiritual leader of the world's most comprehensive collection of inconsequentially inaccurate details about famous peoples' lives. On CNBC's Squawk Box this morning, note Wales's body language — the shoulder roll, the falsely modest talking-into-his-coffee-cup maneuver — as he chats up New York Times reporter Andrew Ross Sorkin, making sure to remind viewers that he's totally BFF with Virgin founder Richard Branson.

As far as horror movies based on aberrant sexual practices go, we would have had our money on "Dirty South Fish Hook" as the trick to beat for pure, threatening perversion (think Teeth, but featuring two sets at once). But the UK thriller Donkey Punch has apparently beat it to the, well, you know, premiering in the Midnight section at this year's Sundance Film Festival and opening next week in its home country. Sadly, no American distributor has yet picked up the film, leaving us with only this trailer to tease us with proof that nothing avenges an orgasmic jab to the face like a gun-and-chainsaw murder spree. Those Brits! So... saucy! [The Chaser Blog via Videogum]