Judy Greer has been orbiting around stardom for the better part of the last 10 years. And although she's had a couple of delicious supporting turns over the years (13 Going On 30, Adaptation, Jawbreaker), she's never quite broken through into the leading lady category ... until now. Ashton Kutcher picked her to be the lead of his new ABC comedy, Miss Guided, and now the lovely and talented Miss Greer is getting her first taste of hitting the promotional circuit as a star. And guess what? She's eating it up. She was as giddy as a school girl during her appearance on The Late Show With David Letterman last night, but also managed to rein in her emotions enough to tell Dave a funny story about how she's still forced to endure some of the humilities that the Hollywood machine puts second fiddles through.

For every 500,000 views he gets, Soulja Boy is putting up a freestyle on YouTube. Sample lyrics by the creator of "Crank Dat" and "Yahhh": "I don't give a fuck I'm fresh, what you damn think?" I can see the history of music melting, Old Dirty Bastard is rolling blunts in his grave, and yet my ass is involuntarily bouncing.

Sometimes, two seemingly mismatched things from disparate backgrounds and decades can come together in unlikely harmony. Just tap Catherine Zeta-Jones on the shoulder the next time you spot her sucking face with Michael Douglas and ask her. Or, alternately, you can watch the video above:

Until now, I thought the only way anyone would properly re-create a movie would be through clever parody. But this faithful reproduction of a race scene from Tron uses stop-motion and costumed actors to make a sweet little ode to the film.

Even at a quarter, the New York Sun is tough sell. The paper is such a joke we don't even make it fun of it. At best, it's like an animal shelter for unemployed New York writers. But even if it's a bizarre Zionist vanity project, someone needs to move that paper. So it falls to the telemarketers to sell the paper's lies. A tipster sent a recording of the pitch. We've dutifully transcribed the absurd stuff, after the jump.

When it comes to celebrity endorsements, Harrison Ford isn't exactly known for splashing his chiseled face across billboards shilling for shower gels and cell phones (Japanese beer, as you'll see after the jump, is whole 'nother story). But according to Mediabistro, Ford recently agreed to partner with powerhouse advertising agency BBDO to develop a series of environmentally angled ads. And, apparently, Ford's developed a case of the Nortons:

After billing The Moment of Truth as a brilliant Frankenshow combining the most intriguing aspects of F. Lee Bailey's Lie Detector, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and Cheaters, the culmination of a life's work for Fox's President of Apocalypse-Expediting Alternative Entertainments Mike Darnell failed to really deliver on its life-destroying promise. Not even a desperate casting stunt that replaced the show's evil robot voice with a string of celebrity she-bots (Small Wonder, Rosie from The Jetsons, Richie Rich's Irona) managed to really hook viewers.

Eyeing the $30,000 to $35,000 salary TechCrunch's Duncan Riley says Mahalo pays its workers? Better be prepared for a rough-and-tumble job interview. That's Jason Calacanis's style, he told The Deal. How else do you think he got "all the money"?

The months-long anticipation we've experienced awaiting new episodes of NBC comedies has almost totally destabilized Defamer HQ, particularly in our speculations as to how the network would gently reintroduce us to programming like My Name is Earl. Would we see a brief sketch with Jason Lee agreeing to return to work on the condition of no more Paris Hilton cameos? Would the show go meta, with its cast treating its staff writers to a Earl-esque karma intervention? Or would NBC boss Jeff Zucker hijack the moment and squander yet another two minutes of viewer goodwill? Wait — did we just give it away?

Metafilter seems to think so. I suspect that the trick to accessing its nirvana is to watch it over and over and over again.

· We take three things from this video: One, Haitian Weather Guy is about the lowest-stress vocation on the planet. Two, some videos really do improve upon subsequent viewings. And three, if there's a Meaning of Life, Arthur knows it. [YouTube]
· K-Fed's loving father, forgiving ex, and capable role-model game is ridiculous. [In Touch]
· Tonight, two of our very favorite animated things—South Park and Canadian sci-fi fleshcore classic Heavy Metal—are to be combined into one, brainmeltingly awesome new thing. (One can only hope.) [Vulture]
· Cajun chef Paul Prudhomme was grazed by a bullet on a Louisiana golf course today, upon which he instantly started hemorrhaging gravy. [USA Today]
· The only bad thing about the gigantic piano house is the 40-foot-tall Liberace who tramples the village to come play it every full moon. [Weird Asia News via Thighmaster]

Two months after Tom Cruise's insane Scientology video surfaced, people continue to lampoon the leaked footage, often with weak results. But now the meme has leapt into mainstream cinema. The following clip comes from Dimension Films' forthcoming Superhero Movie and is, as you might expect, the slickest crazy-Cruise imitation yet, as well as one of the funniest. Actor Miles Fisher's Scientology spoofing is after the jump.

Tracey Ullman, that talented comedienne who is also kind of annoying, has a new Showtime sketch show. On it, she imitates Arianna Huffington, that brilliant blog-promoter who is also kind of ridiculous. A brief clip is attached—the impression is impeccable (and looks quite friendly, jokes about celebrity hairstylists "blogging brilliantly" aside). It's no "Breakaway," but it's nice to see Ullman's keeping busy.

· The secret Tom Cruise Scientology video gets immortalized in Superhero Movie with perhaps the best impression we've seen yet, courtesy of astonishing Cruise-alike Miles Fisher. Seriously—someone give this lusciously be-eyebrowed kid a shot at a legit career! [superhero-movie.net]

· Someone sent in this picture of a framed portrait of Alan Thicke and family, spotted hanging in the window of a store in Pasadena. We find it terrifying. [Flickr]

· Steve McQueen's estate sues a clothing company for plastering the legendary tough-guy's face on a line of poser clothing that would eventually end up on people like Ryan Seacrest. [Reuters]

· Tina Fey's dream 30 Rock guest is Oprah, playing her best friend. She'd also happily work with Britney Spears again, whom she describes as "very professional and nice," standing in stark contrast to Paris Hilton, whom she likens to a morsel of excrement [USA Today]

· Please do not eat the Icelandic pony. [blog.icelandexpress.com]

Today marks the first edition of "The Hills: Words Of Wisdom," a new weekly feature in which the bleached blonde cast of "real people" indulges us with life lessons worth learning. On last night's Season Four premiere, the one-hour chickfest was jam-packed with girly fever, tears, ruined dresses, dates with French rockers, and Spencer's Lucy Ball 'do. But the most important thing to take away from all that femitude is the wise words of heroines Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and former meth addict Stephanie Pratt. This show is more than just quick flashes of fancy parties and shoes, combined with solemn pouts over which guy to tease; The Hills is the modern day version of Emily Post's guide to good etiquette. Thanks to the keen skills of Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, now you can learn just what to do when you feel nauseous over the loss of designer shoes ("breathe"), whether or not boys are hotter in LA or Paris ("way hotter in Paris"), and most importantly, how to successfully mount a motorcycle while wearing a dress worth more than your house. [MTV]

Having done our homework about dedicated Hollywood recluses over the last few days, we can assert with 100 percent certainty that despite her disappearance after the Park City clusterfuck that was Hounddog, Dakota Fanning is no John Hughes or Terrence Malick. Nevertheless, while this somewhat frightening video passed along by MTV (with its insistent English narrator positing: "Was she scared off by the negative press for Hounddog, or did she simply run and hide because she hit that awkward pubescent stage? Because it seems like all the little girl roles lately have been filled by others!") helps allay our worst DakotAWOL fears, what replaces them is perhaps eerier than any exile we could have imagined.

In this interview with The Deal's Mary Kathleen Flynn, Jason Calacanis recounts how he got in a little hot water with his advice for startups when he urged founders to "fire people who are not workaholics" and tell them to "go work at the post office or Starbucks if you want balance in your life." Calacans explains that he didn't mean what he said the way it sounded. And then, elaborating, he explains that, well, yes, he actually did.

Former Jezebel intern and attempted Paris Hilton free-er David Seaman was on Fox's Morning Show With Mike and Juliet today to talk about Salvia, the hot new (legal!) drug that's taking America's colleges by storm. "They told me I'd be on to talk about why I'm in favor of keeping certain drugs legal," Seaman said in an email to friends and colleagues, "and why many college students agree that some decriminalization for soft drugs makes sense." He had a little argument worked out and everything! But he was on The Morning Show With Mike and Juliet so they actually just sat him next to some mook who posts clips of kids having bad trips on YouTube and interviewed a doctor who says all the drugs will cause deadly car crashes. Then they introduced a girl whose brother killed himself on the Salvia! Seaman's entertaining email describing his ordeal is after the jump. A brief clip is attached.