PHILADELPHIA — Last week, amidst a sea of Never Hillary signs in Cleveland, and this week, also amidst a sea of Never Hillary signs in Philly, one man stood apart from the crowd. His message: Building 7 didn’t just collapse, and 9/11 goes all the way to the top. Sheeple, meet—well, let’s just call him Joe.

CLEVELAND — Earlier this week, Infowars radio host Alex Jones slammed Karl Rove for refusing to answer a few simple questions. Except now, Alex Jones is using the same shameful evasive maneuvers that so sickened him before. Alex—why are you so scared of Gawker’s questions about Pokémon Go?

If there’s one thing noted Facebook user Sarah Palin hates, it’s logic. If there are two things Sarah Palin hates, though, the second is almost definitely the Democrats’ secret apocalyptic globalist agenda. Which is why Sarah Palin would like to take a moment to congratulate all those Brits who voted to leave the EU and effectively cripple their country. You really showed the Illuminati this time.

When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst. Please, enjoy.

A few days ago, Jeb Bush reportedly met with Ted Cruz, John Kasich and Marco Rubio in Miami. Why would three of the final four Republican candidates agree to a summit with the campaign’s giant-ass loser? Well, Erick Erickson has a pretty good theory:

Asked in tonight’s debate to elaborate on his earlier declaration that the United States should murder the families of terrorists, Donald Trump pivoted to a discourse on the events of 9/11. As with most of Trump’s remarks about the events of 2001 and beyond, it was a collage of the unorthodox, the insane, and the awful but not untrue.

Washington Post reporter Paul Farhi tweeted today that cables belonging to both MSNBC and CNN were tampered with today at the Donald Trump-Chris Christie rally in Fort Worth, Texas.

New York City mayor and giant among men Bill de Blasio has announced that he will not be attending this year’s Groundhog Day ceremony. Does his decision have anything to do with the sudden, mysterious death of the very same groundhog he sent flying just days prior back in 2014? We’ll let you decide.

Late last night, rapper B.o.B. let us all in on the little-known secret that the Earth is, in fact, flat. It was then that prominent astrophysicist and killjoy Neil DeGrasse Tyson decided to rain on his parade with “science” and “facts.” Undeterred, B.o.B. has now responded by dropping a diss track that features none other than Tyson himself.

Here is some news that is either comforting or depressing: there are still flat Earth truthers out there. Prominent among them is the very successful rapper B.o.B (you might know him from... this one?), who has spent the last 24 hours or so tweeting a lot of good flat Earth memes and theories.

Bristol Palin gave birth to her second child, a girl named Sailor Grace, on December 23, 2015. That’s what Sarah Palin wants you to believe, say truthers. Yes, with the birth of a new Palin baby comes the birth of a new conspiracy theory. In brief: Palin truthers claim Bristol is lying about when she gave birth in order to cover up the fact that her pregnancy was the result of a one-night stand.

Chicken-sandwich chain Chick-fil-A—a God-fearing corporation led by people unafraid to speak out against gay marriage—opened its first store in New York City in October. Just months later, on Christmas Eve of all days, the city slammed the restaurant with six health code violations, leading managers to close the place down for almost a week. Coincidence? Or godless liberal conspiracy?

A professor who has been teaching conspiracy theories for 13 years and spreading false theories about the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting is finally facing termination at Florida Atlantic University.

The California man who claimed he’d discovered a deep-fried rat in his three-piece chicken last week finally agreed to turn the unknown-substance-tender over to the company, and the Col. Sanders administration released the results of a DNA test Monday. Result: the rat was—as KFC had asserted in an amateurish Chart Brut—actually made of chicken.

A not-small group of Americans thinks Barack Obama is considering an armed invasion of the Southwestern States, making it the first time in history a leader would attempt to conquer something he already controls. They write lots and lots of angry letters.

Today’s AP report on the FBI’s secret use of dummy corporations and surveillance planes is startling—but what’s almost as surprising is that the same information has been circulating in the internet’s darkest corners for years.

Plaid-condom monogram Tucker Carlson is apparently a semi-regular on Alex Jones’s crazy-talk show, because even if jet fuel can’t melt steel, it can give eight pounds of frat-boy hair a lovely volumizing body. Here’s the duo riffing jazzlike on Obama’s very clearly Nazi-like tendency to embrace racial diversity.

The military is not about to take over the Southwestern United States. No one’s building underground tunnels to connect various Walmarts. Texas is not erecting a series of FEMA death camps. And we’re not about to enter the age of martial law in America. But! Just in case—Rand Paul is on it.

From July 15th to September 15th, over a thousand armed American soldiers will maneuver through the Southwest United States as part of a vast operation with a single motto: "Master the Human Domain." Internet conspiracy theorists wait their whole lives for a moment this rich.