Whoa whoa, product placement spending—the money that ensures that your TV shows, movies, video games, and every other damn thing feature lots of real quality car and soda brands—actually fell last year. But there's good news, brand fans!

Last week we brought you internal documents and employee testimony about American Apparel's hiring practices and work environment. AA CEO Dov Charney wasn't happy with our reporting! And for AA employees, leaking to us carries a $1 million penalty. Seriously.

The Supreme Court overturned an injunction against planting genetically modified alfalfa seeds made by evil Frankenfood conglomerate Monsanto. The Agriculture Department says the seeds should be approved "in time for next spring's planting." Trust in Monsanto. What could go wrong?

Ask a parent to name the harshest war in which Americans are currently engaged,and most will say "The war against Pampers™ Dry Max diapers. My baby's poor bottom!" The P&G corporation is now ready to win the war. Harshly.

Are you an up-and-coming young musician looking to "make it" in the shoddy remains of the "music industry?" Well I hope you rap very much about McDonald's, Pepsi, and/ or Coca-Cola, the only remaining entities who can "discover artists."

Hey, it's not just small businesspersons and disgruntled bloggers who hate Wal-Mart; did you know that there's an entire clandestine consulting group dedicated to using "black arts" to thwart Wal-Mart's expansion? Bully for them!

Last month we introduced you to The (Potential) Intern From Hell, a young gent with some very tough words for a company at which he applied to intern. Well, he saw the piece on Gawker. And was not amused.

You there, citizen: is that coffee in your hand a Starbucks™ brand coffee? There is a 95% likelihood that it is not. That is unacceptable. Fear not; Starbucks™ brand coffee will soon be even more ubiquitous. More Starbucks. More!

"I'm not here to make excuses," lies GE CEO Jeff Immelt in this video of a recent interview. Then he goes on to explain why your concerns about him earning $10 million last year are super stupid. Best excuses below!

Manifestation of capitalism's logical conclusion Wal-Mart has nearly finished blanketing small-town America with huge unattractive warehouse centers. But that does not mean Wal-Mart will stop expanding. It is now getting smaller to swarm you, like the nanobots of Prey.

Wal-Mart is once again trying to build a store in NYC. Unions, call your goons!

In your pleasant Tuesday media column: Glenn Beck vs. Joe Klein, a stranded-in-the-airport magazine, Dave Eggers wants to marry print and live in Never-Neverland with it, and Les Moonves struggles through another year of penurious wages.

Here in America, Starbucks has already transformed itself from a safe haven for aspirational faux-yuppies into a place for hobos to hang out. But abroad, Starbucks' slate is still clean. China and India: Starbucks is coming for your culture money.

The Way We Live Now: Hobbling about with our hand out for a hand out while the real winners carry an ever-increasing burden to support the rest of us lazy bums. When Republicans are right, they are right. Whatta pisser!

America is a nation of mostly poor, unattractive people who take their cues on life from the fictional actions of rich, attractive characters on television. The NBC network, your father figure, has decided to educate our slackjawed populace. With television!

Lost: the television show enjoyed by many hopeless fanatics such as yourself. Just how much is your slavish, unquestioning devotion to everything associated with this fairy tale worth to corporate America's advertisers? A lot.

Undercover Boss, CBS's cruelly ingenious propaganda-vision extravaganza, is enraging enough in its very premise—that the boss is your friend. But last night, the show stooped to its lowest level: using a dead child to help polish a corporate reputation.

America's Greatest Controversy on this day in history: did a white sorority win a step show competition, ZOMG? Or would the world maybe blow up if something like that happened? And also Sprite is so racist, against Obama.

Ho hum, Wal-Mart agreed to pay $12 million to settle a gender discrimination lawsuit yesterday. That's bad! But gawd, Wal-Mart is so green. That's good! Neither of these things really matters, though. We hate Wal-Mart for a much purer reason.

A short history: Starbucks owned upscale consumers. Then the recession hit. Upscale consumers disappeared. Starbucks weakened. McDonald's moved in to steal former Starbucks customers. Starbucks responded by going downscale. That seemed to work. Now: Starbucks plunges even further into hobodom.