You, Starbucks worker: Your inefficiencies are showing! You lean to scoop coffee at a sub-optimal angle! You waste precious seconds with your sloppy human movements! Improve efficiency, serve coffee two seconds faster on average! Move swiftly for mother company's glory!

Sometimes it really does make sense for a famous brand to change its name. It happened to Uncle Adolf's Old-Tyme KKKandy, and now it's happening to Radio Shack. Too bad the new name is even worse.

In your mockable Monday media column: Fox News needs sources for a follow up to their "Tin Foil Hats" scoop, Thrillist gets down, Carol Rosenberg's colleagues speak, Tom Shales is replaced, and we are all corporate tools.

We asked, and you answered. After the jump, everything you need to know about how to survive a McKinsey & Co. visit to your company, without getting canned. This one's for you, Conde Nasties.

Max Isaacson, who directed the fake Sprite Blow Job Spec Ad that was too hot for the world emails: it was a spec ad. Not a real ad. Not connected to the Coca-Cola Company! Hopefully they won't sue him now.

Massive enemy PR firm Edelman is moving its office from Times Square to Hudson Square. Employees received (and leaked!) a motivational brochure that has a decidedly...propagandist design style. Compare:

Things have gotten so bad that unpaid corporate interns are literally starving. Across America, interns are desperately prostituting their fresh young smiling faces in return for a single box of Little Debbie muffins, so they may live another day.

The fakest job corporate America ever created was "Branding Consultant"—until now. Meet Anne Loehr, a "business coach" who will (for a small fee) explain the mysteries of "Generation Y" to a corporate audience. She knows your soul, kids.

Speaking of important Michael Jackson news, pancake-painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has some! He painted this moving portrait of "Joe Jackson with a Michael Jackson memorial ticket and a pancake upon his head." Ebay is censoring it!

The spots did not come from Crispin Porter + Bogusky, Microsoft's edgy ad agency of record. Instead, they were from an agency called Bradley & Montgomery. And they were directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. Who said earlier this month:

Hey, kids: We've noticed you all aren't hanging out at Denny's all night as much as you used to. Denny's wants you back, teenage vagrants! Come meet your "cool" bands, at Denny's! Like Rascal Flatts. You kids like that, eh??

In your perennial Tuesday media column: It still sucks to be a writer, sucks if you bought a newspaper, sucks to make stock picks, sucks to produce news on television, and somebody got a new job!

Why did Starbucks decide to sponsor MSNBC's Morning Joe? To "promote its ethical commitments." Whatever that bullshit means. One human-like online Starbucks advocate supports them strongly!:

A Current employee has shed (a bit) more light on why Current has steadfastly refused to mention the fact that two of its reporters have been detained in North Korea for months. The legal department's "overzealous." But why?

Richard 'Dick' Parsons is fallible, after all! The (married) former Time Warner boss and most popular black man in corporate America after Vernon Jordan has a (formerly) secret love child, with a much younger model:

America's new revolutionary leaders are Shredded Wheat, Kodak, and Miller High Life. They're really angry about this messed up world, just like you! Hey hey, ho ho, overpriced inkjet printers have got to go!

We live in a racist world, but the Delaware Department of Transportation is doing something about it: issuing a hilarious memo! Who wrote this, some "retard" "homo" "typical white person?" Below, the best idiot guidelines:

Photographer Stephen Mallon had exclusive access to the salvage operation that pulled Sully-piloted US Airways Flight 1549 out of the Hudson River. Now that he's erased all "US Airways" logos, he can show his pictures!

Time to hear more about Peter Arnell! Turns out the pistol-packing 'branding' wizard truly screwed Tropicana with his (momentary) redesign of their juice cartons. He's also traumatized his employees, we hear (again):

Tweens across America are preparing to go stand out in front of their local Wal-Mart at midnight tomorrow so they can buy the Twilight DVD. Unless they are murdered in a gruesome gang initiation: