Longtime readers of Defamer know that we like nothing better than to break up the day with a dip into the Defamer Connections basket. This is L.A., however, where every taste and mathematical combination must be accounted for in the worthwhile pursuit of getting one's freak on, and thus requiring us to sometimes stretch the definition and who and what, exactly, constitutes a "connection." Which brings us to today's installment, via Craigslist:

Saintly Craig Newmark, whose Craigslist website is a friend to the apartmentless and lovelorn, has a confession to make: As we reported last year, his company helped broker eBay's purchase of a 25 percent stake in Craigslist — a transaction which made him millions of dollars. Newmark made this admission to Sarah Lacy in a Yahoo Tech Ticker interview, excerpted above. This is notable only because Newmark has long peddled the line to gullible journalists that eBay bought the stake out from under his nose without his consent, casting aspersions on the ex-employee who sold the stake along the way. Note how he dodges the key question — did he profit from the sale? According to Valleywag's sources, he did. But we'll give Newmark a pass on coughing up that fact until the next interview.

i really want to give barack obama a blowjob right now: "it was in this moment that i realized that i wanted to, with the intensity of a million suns, give barack obama a blowjob." [Craigslist]

Regarding today's earlier obnoxious Craigslist posting for a "writer/lit type" with "social grace and great references" to help out with a veryveryvery important book launch: the self-consciously and famously classysassycool Accompanied Literary Society fits the bill for the event in question. (It's run by downtown doyenne Brooke Geahan.)"Emmy Award-winning author and architect James Sanders will provide an introduction to the night's program as we celebrate the launch of two critically acclaimed new novels, The Jewish Messiah [by Arnon Grundberg and Sam Garrett], and The Border of Truth [by Victoria Redel]... wiith live klezmer music from the Zagnut Cirkus Orkestar!" The date and time line up, too. Accompanied, we've got your number! (Click to see the flyer for this esteemed event.)

And if it's so classy and special, why are they advertising for help on Craiglist? Let's see: a one-night job opportunity for "writers and lit types." It's a "high profile book launch for three distinguished authors," put on by a "literary and arts non-profit." You must have a "knowledge of contemporary literature, great references, [a] motivated attitude, and social grace is required." You'll be rewarded with a "competitive hourly wage dependent on qualifications." We hear Lauren Goldstein Crowe might be free that night.

So Mark Zuckerberg walks into a bar — sorry, no punch line. According to a "missed connections" posting on Craigslist, Facebook's CEO visited Bourbon & Branch, the Tenderloin speakeasy, on Saturday, and rolled his eyes when he was recognized. The Craigslist user's unfriendly advice for Zuckerberg: "If I were you, I'd appreciate being recognized. You're not Brad Pitt. You're a computer geek (on paper). Don't become such a prick so early in your career." We have a feeling this will cause the straitlaced Zuckerberg to drink even less than he already does.

"I am a 42 year old Business Owner, having divorced over ten years ago. That woman failed in her attempt to take me for everything I had back then. I haven't seriously been with a woman since then. To stop the rumors about me, I ned to have a companion be seen with me. You and I will go to restaurants, the beach when the weather gets warmer, and be seen around the city. You will be paid a regular high salary and I am not expecting sex from you." [Craigslist]

Silda Spitzer, I will totally do you. - m4w - 39 [Craigslist]

A morning show (or perhaps The Morning Show) is looking for someone whose sexual dysfunction originated from childhood spanking. Cheaper than therapy, more hurtful than an anonymous letter about a secret affair, telling the nation about your sex issues is the chance you've been waiting for to get back at your parents. [Craigslist]

One has to be something of a glutton for punishment to try making any sort of living as a writer, particularly in New York. But this Craigslist ad from a 33-year-old fashion scribbler at a "major" magazine takes it to extremes. Not only is he on the hunt for a college boy 13 years his junior, but the kid should be "serious/funny, intelligent/ditzy, kind/sarcastic" and "sweet/vengeful." Buddy, make/up your/mind. Also, don't drop in a word like "vengeful" and then try and say you just want to "hang out," go to movies and try new restaurants. The more-insane-than-usual Craigslist ad:

Are you a single Googler with some pull at YouTube? Looking for love some raunchy sex? We have the girl for you. Check out this Craigslist posting from a classy lass with a problem. Can you help her out?

"Dear men of Craigslist, just fucking fuck me already" is a sincerely filthy guide by an anonymous, NSA-seeking lady. Sexual frustration must make for wordiness. I've excerpted her at iPhone length.

It's becoming a frequently asked question: No, NSA on Craigslist personals isn't the National Security Agency. It means "no strings attached." That means the ad placer wants a quick fuck without the slightest possibility of either side looking for a long-term relationship. But NSA in the ad doesn't always end up no-strings-attached after you're done. Here's what you have to do to protect yourself.

Not that anybody here scans Craiglist's "casual encounters" at 10am—but thanks for the tip, College Callgirl! At 3:42 this morning, some lonely soul posted a m4w that he was "looking for a girl who reads Gawker... eh, I figure if we have that in common, we'd probably hit it off in the sack." Well, that's assuming a lot! Our female readers are not slutty, we're sure... "Preferably before the sun comes out," he adds. OK, which one of you posted this? [Craigslist]

Because we at Defamer would like nothing more than to place visiting couples fully indoctrinated into The Lifestyle with spouse-sharing-curious members of the showbiz community who also happen to be in possession of a spare pair of tickets to the Academy Awards and Governor's Ball, we now faithfully reproduce for you a Craigslist ad brought to our attention over the weekend. (It's since been removed by conscientious members of the Craigslist community, who strongly feel that whoring out one's wife, however much mutual consent is involved, has no place in the most venerated and dignified awards show of all. Get thee to The Flackies, pervies!) The ad begins like this:

Get this: a "young hedge fund analyst" slash "runway model" will let you be his "live-in" maid... or more! You can even sleep on his futon. But: "If we have chemistry on these cold nights, I am of course single and you'd be welcome in my bed." You need to have a "full-body tan," though. [Craigslist]

Craigslist founder Craig Newmark supports multinational coffee chain's outlet at 4th and King. (Photo by glovercom)

"Dude.. the guy Lizzie was having lunch with was TAILOR MADE aka George Weissgerber, from "I Love New York" season two!!! he may be gay but last night celebrated V day with NY, aka, Tiffany Pollard, his fiancee." Oh. Her. So the person in the following pic is supposed to be straight... riiight.

That would be (convicted! attempted!) killer and celebrity uber-flack (and possible voter) Lizzie Grubman, whose companion just may get lucky if this Missed Connection finds its way to him. We'll do everything we can, even after the tyranny of Valentine's Day. [Craigslist]

Via Craigslist's Missed Connections, our humble attempt to help one anonymous lonelyheart find her briefly encountered soulmate on this Valentine's Day: "Dark Hair, Striped Sweater, Clean Cut at The Griffin - w4m - 23
I saw you across the bar and couldn't believe my eyes. I was drinking a Guinness and you were talking to two friends. I stood near you, hoping you'd notice me. Did you? Me: dark hair, ponytail, gray jacket, glasses. You: Joseph Gordon-Levitt." [Craigslist]