The most retarded columnist in the entire city would like to take you on a date, but he can't just ask, first he has to prove his idiocy through a "Men Seeking Women Ad" on Craigslist. In the ad, the columnist will brag about his intelligence and accomplishments while dropping enough hints so that everyone, or at least everyone who matters, will be able to figure out exactly who he is, thus piercing his veil of anonymity and calling into question the very smarts he was touting to begin with. Here are the clues: he is "an ivy league educated writer," covers politics and is "the youngest columnist in the 200-year history of my newspaper." Also, he lives on the Upper West Side and is 28-Craigslist-years old. This should really narrow it down. Who is he? Email tips@gawker.com. Badly-written Craigslist ad after the jump, plus a big clue as to which newspaper he works for.

A famous, rich musician of the "urban" flavor, who also works in movies, is offering an assistant job so simultaneously awful and demanding that anyone who agrees to take it is, by definition, unqualified. It will appeal only to the insane, the retarded and the pathologically insecure, and yet its requirements could only be met by an as-yet-undesigned cyborg or human-animal hybrid. Full ad here, highlights after the jump.

Oh dippy Gourmet magazine, with your oxymoronic job ads. There's no such thing as a "full-time freelance" job, sillies! Not that the Condé Nast magazine is alone with this shifty little recruitment tactic, designed to get the most out of contractors for as little as humanly possible. So bothersome, those taxes and benefits. More exploity media job ads after the jump. Apply at your own risk!

The gay community is hotly divided over the value of the Giants' Super Bowl victory. On one side is the H8STR8 contingent, which called for all gays to boycott the game in favor of drag shows. They also claimed they'd be picketing sports bars in the "anti-gay" Murray Hill area; if that's true, we'd love to see it. On the other side, though, are the dozens of tristate-area men looking to celebrate the Giants' win with some hot man-on-man craigslist sex. Even Patriots fans are asking to be punished HARD for their wayward loyalties. Despite their political differences, both ends of the spectrum should be able to unite around the sentiment: "GIANTS WIN: blow me." [Craigslist]

Stealing classified-ad revenues from big media was far too easy. Craigslist has found a challenge that its ample pockets are up to: corrupting the minds of future journalists. It has given $1.6 million to UC-Berkeley's Center for New Media, which works with departments ranging from engineering to journalism to determine the extent of the Internet's effect on our lives, to create an endowed faculty chair.

Looking for a "beautiful pink vagina couch" to complete your living-room set? Look no further than this 5' 3" long, 3' 3" wide creation, available for pickup in Mendocino — just a short three hour-drive north of San Francisco. It's all yours for only $600, according to this Craigslist ad. As one might do with the real thing, click to expand.

It's one of the great ironies. Craig Newmark and his colleagues at Craigslist are left-wing idealists who still believe in the responsibility of the press to speak truth to power. All the while, their online classifieds site, which is largely free, has undermined the economics of newspapers, and the anti-establishment alt weeklies above all. The company's decision to endow a faculty chair in new media studies at the University of California, Berkeley is a sweet gesture. (As is the support of the endearingly naive Craigslist boss for online news ventures such as Daylife.) But let's be clear: this is akin to the creation of a reservation for American Indians; it doesn't erase the stain of genocide.

Richard Blakeley, the Gawker Media cameraman whose antics for Gizmodo drew widespread attention, is selling his press badge — the last one he'll ever get, he says — for $100 on Craigslist. Why is it a collector's item? Because CES has banned him from attending future events after he filmed himself using a remote control to turn off TV screens on the show floor. (Gizmodo, like Valleywag, is owned by Gawker Media, and Blakeley does video work for both sites.)

First free software, now free love, thanks to a free personal ad. Richard Stallman, the cantankerous founder of the Free Software Foundation, is looking for a "sweetie," according to an ad placed on Craigslist. He's interested in a woman who "values joy, truth, beauty and justice more than 'success,'" so I guess that rules out geek-seeking missile Julia Allison. If you're interested in hearing every single day of the rest of your life why it's "GNU/Linux," not "Linux," read on for Stallman's ad.

From deep within the bowels of Craigslist's Missed Connections section, where crazy hopes that love will somehow find a way are nurtured, a Judge Judy fan reaches out to try and find the courtroom spectator of his dreams: "judge judy lady in audience - m4w
lady in audience sitting behind defendent 1st seat 1st row by walkway wearing black shirt with white trim on judge judy aired in iowa jan 8 08 kristen capozzola white lady vs joshua currier black man seen you on show i found you very very attractive interested in knowing who you are hope to hear from you!" [Craigslist]

The owner of a U.S. social network is offering to pay Indian workers 10 cents per signup to his site. In these times, the seemingly fraudulent come-on is a sensible business move, since investors willingly pay inflated prices for sites based on their user numbers. A suggestion to any venture capitalist with a social network in his portfolio: Bid 11 cents per signup to find out who this guy is.

Craigslist founder Craig Newmark discusses 12-year-old Craigslist's past and future in an interview. He never specifically addresses how he got millions of dollars from eBay in a side deal when it acquired a stake in his company. He does have this to say on how he runs Craigslist: "There's nothing noble or altruistic or pious about this; it just feels right." [Computerworld]

This is actually the worst (and yet most elegantly phrased!) Missed Connection I've ever seen on Craigslist. (Thanks to Jory, our supergay IT warrior, for IMing it over!) There are no pictures and yet it's still somehow not safe for work. (Oops fixed the link! Heh.) [Craigslist]

Need $50? Want to ruin some woman's day? Craigslist can help.

What the red robin is to spring or the Shagbark Hickory's brilliant flaming foliage is to autumn, dirty Craigslist postings are to winter. Every year near the first snow, the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist positively bristles with cold young men and women (but almost entirely men, and some of those women are also men!) looking to be warmed up. This usually involves some amount of sexual contact with strangers or as one 34-year-old man put it, "IT'S COLD OUT-LETS RUB OUR HOT BODIES TOGETHER TO KEEP WARM." I've always relied on the radiator, a good pair of slippers and tea but hey, what do I know?

We thought poetry was maybe a dying art. But we were wrong! Vital and relevant poets live among us. And you'll find them at the go-to place for romantics trying to hook up with that special someone they failed to close the deal with in person: Craigslist's Missed Connections.

Julia Allison isn't the only mildly successful journalist to plumb Craigslist looking for lovers. Jennifer Oh, assistant to the editor at the New Criterion, describes herself in a recent Craigslist post as a "writer, [who works for] a respected magazine, and would be happy to share with you my various lists of awards, accomplishments, etc." Also! "I'm very picky but very, very insatiable and passionate when aroused. My ass and legs look hot in jeans as well as slutty skirts or feminine dresses. Full lips, great breasts, adorable pretty face, and a intelligent, sensual, and also highly affectionate sex appeal that you will love." Oh RLY? Truth be told, she does seem nice but also strangely emotionally vulnerable? Why this is?

A San Francisco man has pleaded guilty in federal court to filing false tax returns using identities he purchased for $20 off Craigslist. Roger Lexin Mai, 32, admitted to filing 17 false tax returns with the IRS in 2003 using names and Social Security numbers he obtained through the site. He claimed tax refunds of more than $100,000. [San Francisco Daily]

Are paid dating websites becoming passé now that free social networking sites has come onto the scene? Authoress Sarah Lacy (Ed's note: who has a hunky husband and doesn't realize how unconscionably cruel she's being to single people by weighing in on this subject) thinks so. Though we think that Match.com and the others really lost the battle once people realized that Craigslist offered more than the ability to get rid of old furniture. [BusinessWeek]

While we usually delight in using this space to bring people together, Defamer Connections is occasionally called upon to step in and lend a hand in prying a stalker and their celebrity prey apart. Never, though, have we encountered an instance like the following—a curious reversal of the traditional male/female, celeb/stalker dynamics, in which a local gymgoer has turned to the Craigslist Bureau of Ships in the Night to address heightening concerns over the hungry eyes of Rachel "Formerly of The O.C., Tomorrow, Who Knows?" Bilson. The posting: