Now that sex tape actress Danielle Staub was possibly fired from Real Housewives of New Jersey she needs more attention than ever. She'll get plenty of negative attention for this performance of her dance single on a local news show!

Thanks to video of an English woman throwing a cat in a garbage can going viral, local police have since identified the perpetrator. Although she hasn't "committed a criminal offence," she'll be questioned by the RSPCA, the U.K.'s kitty police.

Breaking: some assholes who hate Muslims find a high school test insufficiently hateful of Muslims. Well then! Destroy it! Burn the books! Kill the teachers! For Jesus! Below, the hateful Dirty Muslin-loving test questions exposed by New York's greatest tabloid.

Dr. Tyrone Hayes is a biologist at UC Berkeley and a longtime critic of atrazine, an herbicide produced by the chemical company Syngenta. He took the bold step of sending lots of taunting, rap-quoting emails to the company. Scandal ensued.

Tabloid sex writer and bubbling vat of ill-concealed self-loathing Andrea Peyser refuses to bow to Hollywood's liberal sex standards. Maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy fucking a turkey baster—but for Andrea Peyser, only a live human male will do.

Tabloid hussie-hisser Andrea Peyser usually ends up writing about sex fiends, but that's only because sex fiends are the city's greatest menace. She is always alert for other menaces. Like bicyclists—foreigner bicyclists.

Pamela Geller, one of the most prominent opponents of the proposed Islamic center near the former World Trade Center, says the treatment of the South Park creators is a factor in her quest to stop the center from being built.

Depressingly popular right-wing conspiracy theory site WorldNetDaily has dropped its own columnist, crazy-talkin' lady Ann Coulter, from its upcoming conference for her decision to headline an upcoming gay conservatives' party, Homocon 2010. How will Ann Coulter survive?

A suburban Dallas police station came under attack yesterday by 29-year-old Patrick Gray Sharp, who loaded up his pickup truck and a trailer with explosives and set off a gun battle that ended with his death. Don't mess with Texans.

Strident renegade Starbucks bagel linguist Lynne Rosenthal says she'll never patronize Starbucks again.

Former UN ambassador and current bloodthirsty lunatic John Bolton urges Israel to bomb Iran now.

The Supreme Court says birther queen and ever-aspiring politico Orly Taitz does in fact have to pay a $20,000 fine for her "frivolous" litigation about how Barack Obama is an illegal alien, etc. This will undoubtedly change nothing. [Pic]

Have you ever gone into a Starbucks and cursed their fake "Venti, Grande" size names? Sure. Gimme a "Large," amirite? And have you ever had police remove you from Starbucks for arguing about bagel-related grammar? Anyone? One lady has!

Tabloid sex fiend Andrea Peyser can most accurately be summed up as a ball of ill-concealed sexual repression who constantly lashes out at delusional symbols of impropriety, out of guilt. Sad, really. Today: why are all young girls sluts, 100%?

Charles Mudede, a blogger for the The Stranger, the alternative weekly that serves cutesy raintown Seattle, wrote a post today about people who were robbed by a fraud i-banker and were understandably upset about it. And his post is insane?

Fed up with "Yuppies"—and the city officials who "allow them into the neighborhood"—some lunatic is injecting Krazy Glue into random bike locks in fauxhemian Williamsburg, for justice. "No bike is safe." Goodness. [Brooklyn Paper; Pic via]

Local DC newsman Doug McKelway's been suspended for "insubordination" after arguing with his boss about editorializing on air. The same Doug McKelway seen here ferociously refusing to apologize to a gay blogger he'd threatened to punch in the face? Yes.

Rock star adman Alex Bogusky abruptly retired from advertising this summer, saying he wanted to pursue other, more righteous initiatives. Has Burger King's greatest pitchman really had a change of heart? Or is his narcissistic personality disorder acting up again?

Two guys who have permits to carry concealed handguns in New York: Fox News evil toadish mastermind Roger Ailes, and American tough guy Sean Hannity. Why so scared, fellas? Ailes, at least, can blame his paranoid insanity.

Tennessee candidate Basil Marceaux (Dot Com), who will "immune you from all state crimes for the rest of you life," has an official campain [sic] ad! "Put me in the capitol," says Basil, "so I can do my issues."