The key rule of responsible long term financial planning is: Whenever you build a financial surplus, even for a moment, immediately blow that surplus on a plan that will also eliminate a steady source of long term income. I was kidding! That is not actually a "good" rule of financial planning. But it is a craven political rule, and isn't that what's really important?
The public relations industry provides a welcome refuge to craven scoundrels, scheming nihilists, and the clinically insane. All we do is peek inside once in a while. This is PR Dummies.
These two really, unbelievably gruesome photos, allegedly of the Miami man whose face was partially eaten off over Memorial Day weekend, have been circulating around the internet, because the sight of rended flesh is a visceral reminder of the unbearably thin dividing line between life and death, and also because they're really fucking gross.
If I were to pick one person who should be the proper judge of all the world's morality, I would pick cheap tabloid columnist Andrea Peyser, who hates gays, Muslims, and minorities with the same fervor that she loves lurid sexual innuendo. She just seems like the best choice, to pass judgment on those who she deems to be insensitive. I don't see any problems with that.
Whatever happened to that guy, baldie, the funny mustache man, the one who was momentarily taken seriously as a Republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States of America? Pizza guy? Oh, I see—he's just writing op-eds in the WSJ to reconfirm his fundamental lunacy. What say you, Herman Cain?
It seems unlikely that a story with the accompanying headline, "Girlfriend of '(female genitalia) boy' nabbed in Stuart," would live up to the name it was given. But it does. Let's see if we can break this down bit by bit, shall we:
What do you do when your party's base is made up of scared old white people who believe that the president is a traitor? You never, ever, ever correct them, and you talk a lot about God. Take Mitt Romney's example!
"Let's teach horny frogs to zip it up" is the headline today on the professional newspaper column written by Andrea "Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Sexxx Embittered Tabloid Lady" Peyser. Seems like a good headline for someone whose primary interests are anger and frog cocks. (Andrea Peyser.) What is in this column, today?
It's School Board meeting time in Duval County, Florida, and you know what that means: a chance to review the disciplinary infractions of teachers in Jacksonville's public school system. This story brings you all of the amazing highlights. What sort of educational rogue's gallery do we have this month, Duval County School Board?
Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."
We all want an invite to a mansion in the East Hamptons, but some impatient people simply invite themselves. That's what 30-year-old Quamine Taylor did when he decided to hang out at P. Diddy's for almost 24 hours. The weirdest part of this story: Taylor pulled the same stunt at the same mansion over a decade ago.
Earlier this week, an unidentified female passenger who was told to stop smoking inside Concourse B at Denver International Airport responded by removing all her clothes and standing around naked for 20 minutes.
Surely I'm not the only one who has jokingly replaced my surname with Alec Baldwin's — you know, just to see how it sounds. But Baldwin's stalker Genevieve Sabourin sent him "a series of annoying and unsolicited communications" that likely turned him off to any potential marriage, even though she went ahead and took his name.
A bunch of us here at Gawker Media have received letters recently containing nothing but this single photocopied montage of magazine covers bearing the words, "WALL ST. JEWS."
A tipster forwarded us this voicemail with the note: "This has been going around quite a few agencies. Basically, this woman from Ohio leaves a voicemail for a crazy pitch for Chewy Granola bars. Listen to the voicemail when you have a sec!" We couldn't put it better ourselves. Qua qua qua Quaker Chewies/Are are are so delicious/Qua qua qua Quaker Chewies/Come on now, let's go get some.
Your baby: it has some issues. Let's be real. Its baby skin is... not so perfect. Nothing you'd want to be seen in public with. Your baby's beauty reflects on you. The good news: your baby's hideousness is nothing that hundreds of dollars worth of beauty products can't temporarily fix.
