An elementary school principal from Iowa is being investigated by the sheriff's office and school board for his tradition of delivering "birthday whammies" to students as young as seven with a padded hockey stick (pictured).

Someone sent America's most Muslim-hating congressman, Rep. Peter King (R - N.Y.), a package containing a bloody pig's foot—accompanied by an anti-Semitic note exhorting King to "Kiss my black Muslim ass." Time to find the congressional gift declaration form!

Why is no one asking about the United States' humiliating failure to compete in the robots-with-facial-hair race? Though American scientists were at the forefront of the bearded robot revolution, a new collaboration between the Japanese company Geminoid and Danish professor Henrik Scharfe has produced the first-ever robot with a goatee (to the best of our knowledge). This is Geminoid DK, modeled on Dr. Scharfe. You should be nice! Someday, "barber for robot" will be the only job left for humans. The ones whose bodies aren't being harvested for energy by the global robo-consciousness, that is! [Geminoid DK]

The big problem with Facebook stalking is that it takes so much work. Which is why we're so excited for "Breakup Notifier," programmer Dan Loewenherz's new Facebook app for the lazy stalker. Just sign into the app with your Facebook account and choose a group of "taken" friends. Now, whenever those friends change their relationship statuses, the app will email you—freeing you up for stuff like standing outside peoples' windows, and stealing bits of their hair for your special doll. [Breakup Notifier via Reddit; image via Shutterstock]

According to the New York Times, investigators have obtained photographs, apparently taken by Tucson gunman Jared Loughner, of Loughner holding a gun against his "naked buttocks" and crotch.

Maybe advertising was different in the 1970s—when this commercial for Fig Newtons made its debut—but I honestly cannot fathom why Nabisco would think that this creepy-as-all-hell ad would make anyone want to buy anything. Like, ever. Watch inside.

The coffin that once held JFK's assassin Lee Harvey Oswald—or did it?—sold at auction for $87,469.

[Actor Kevin Spacey packs up his hotel room after a stay in France hosting a charity event for his foundation. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Mississippi man Thomas Steven Sanders was arrested in Mississippi on Sunday in the kidnapping and murder of Las Vegas 12-year-old Lexis Roberts. Which must have come as a surprise to his family, who declared him dead in 1994.

Meet Geminoid-F, a lifelike robot "actress" currently appearing in a Tokyo production of the play Sayonara. Go ahead, make a Keanu Reeves joke! You won't be laughing when the robot murder army comes for your family. Which it will, eventually.

Philip Greaves gained instant notoriety on Wednesday when his book The Pedophile's Guide to Love & Pleasure became a sudden, bizarre bestseller. But The Pedophile's Guide isn't the only book Greaves has written.

If you've ever discussed your "skin issues" on a blog, Facebook, or Twitter, good news: the Unilever corporation was listening in!

[This leaf, found in Leipzig, is the creepiest leaf you will see this year. Have a happy Mischief Night! AP Photo by Sebastian Willnow.]

17 year-old car crash victim Jesse Shipley's classmates were shocked to discover his brain floating in a jar during a field trip a few years ago. Now, another family has come forward with similar charges against New York's Medical Examiner.

17 year-old Staten Island resident Jesse Shipley died in a car crash in 2005. His parents didn't realize that his brain had been removed during autopsy for tests. They found out in the worst way imaginable.

Want to be over-involved in your child's life, but can't spare the time it takes to smother them with attention? A service for you: A company is installing webcams at Little League games, so parents can watch from their phones.

Remember the trailer for The Social Network? The one that had an a capella choir's rendition of Radiohead's "Creep" in it? Well, it turns out that adding that same music to even the most silly/lighthearted viral video transforms it forever.

People deal with loved ones' deaths in a variety of different ways. Here's one example: Jean Stevens, a 91-year-old widow, dealt with her husband's death by digging up his corpse and putting it on a couch in the garage.

Need another reminder of how relaxed Facebook's privacy settings have become? Openbook lets you search Facebook status updates, regardless of whether or not you have a Facebook account. Go on, search for "rectal exam." We know you want to.

We are not very judgmental people, generally, and probably these kids are having a blast dancing their scary little hearts out. But good luck watching this video of five young girls do Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' and not feeling totally uncomfortable!