We were too busy eating a whole bag of Robin Eggs last night to bother watching the finale of Kell on Earth. Luckily our fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there for all the action, and lived to tell the tale.

On last night's slightly depressing episode of America's favorite gay flea market, the girls were tasked with their most difficult challenge yet: making old people look somehow like normal, likable humans. It was a doozy!

This week's episode saw a fancy fashion show, a drugged young thing in serious need of help, a couple struggling to get out of their rut and back into the groove, and lots and lots of hookers.

Well, at least Jon Heder will no longer be on a TV show. Also today: new pilot roles from an old friend in the military and that stoner guy, a zombie series gets our hearts aflutter, and theater news.

Between the blow and the internet, he spends all his time in a trailer alone. This star is trying to help a parent out of addiction. This last actress is only addicted to vanity, a difficult vice to kick.

[That is indeed a solemn looking Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at that movie's premiere in Berlin; image via Splash]

Two of that show's stars are tromping back onto television. Also today: a biopic gets a benefactor, Madonna makes a bad life choice, and aieee!!! Godzilla!!!

This week HBO's Horatio Alger story for hipsters fauxhemians told us that no matter how broken up you are, no matter how much of a loser you are, she will still come around to open up old wounds. Bitch.

This weekend dragons scorched the earth, Alice fell even further down that money-lined rabbit hole, and a '10s comedy about the '80s did some pretty rad business.

And what bad timing, because now Sandra Bullock is getting all the ink. This singer is sleeping around, a boy bander is a drunk, and a male crooner is trying to hide the plastic surgery scars. It's not a ruse!

Lost: the television show enjoyed by many hopeless fanatics such as yourself. Just how much is your slavish, unquestioning devotion to everything associated with this fairy tale worth to corporate America's advertisers? A lot.

Chloe Sevigny told the AV Club that she thought this past season of Big Love was "Awful." Today she offered her excuse: she was tired! Also, she invoked the Golden Rule. What does immortal philosophy say about Chloe Sevigny's behavior?

Visiting the Hollywood Scientology Celebrity Center, J.D. Shapiro just wanted to meet girls. Instead, he wound up writing Battlefield Earth. After winning the "Worst Picture of the Decade" Razzie, Shapiro is apologizing. He blames it all on his penis.

Motherhood, which also stars Minnie Driver and Anthony Edwards with a cameo by Jodie Foster, opened in London this month. It made a total of £88 ($130). On the first Sunday just one person bought a ticket. [The Guardian]

Project Runway is all about vision and delusion. The vision to have contestants design textiles. The delusion they'll do it well. The vision to encourage the judges to be bitchy. The delusion they'll send the right person home.

Maybe! He's just joined the cast of a serious movie. Also today: Is Kate Hudson the most original actress in Hollywood? Do you like zombies as much as I do? And is there a right way to say the word "Cannes"?

He even wakes and bakes before morning shows. This tween star likes coke, this girl is sick of her famous sister, and this actor is pissed at his model girlfriend. Everyone needs to just chill out, man.

Does reclusive Hollywood scoopstress Nikki Finke want out of her multimillion dollar^* deal with Mail.com? She says she recently turned down an offer from the Hollywood Reporter to lead the flailing trade. Her archnemesis Sharon Waxman hears they're still talking.

While filming a movie-picture in Nashville, the blogging actress recently discovered delicious fried foods. Now in her latest Goop missive she regales us with a tale of how she discovered sweet frozen parlour treats.

In September of 2009 the country's largest gay civil rights organization, the Human Rights Campaign, sicced a bunch of volunteers on the crowd of the Adams Morgan Day Festival. Here is the dialogue of one such encounter.