Today at Gawker.TV, Bored to Death mocks the decline of New York City's print industry, Dexter returns, Barack Obama beats Cleveland Brown at basketball, the premiere of Sister Wives, and Lisa Simpson ventures into Springfield's version of hipster Brooklyn.

Last season's cliffhanger finale of Dexter left us with our collective jaws on the floor, so it's safe to say we've been clamoring for this season to finally get started. Tonight's premiere didn't disappoint and reeled us right back in.

18-year-old Indiana teen Andrew Conley confessed to strangling his 10-year-old brother. Prosecutors are blaming the crime on Conley's desire to be like the serial-killing main character on Showtime's Dexter. Why couldn't he have just been a stoner really into Weeds?

This just-released trailer for the fifth season of Showtime's serial-killer drama Dexter is riveting in itself. In it, we see title character struggling over his wife's death, his confused children, and a new feeling he's never felt before: guilt.

No, not Billy Bob. Though he probably is doing that too. Also today: some casting news about The Help, the ladybook du jour. Rob Lowe makes a reality show. And a workhorse actor morphs into a director.

Sorry, Scarlett! It's just what's going to happen. Also today: some truly frightening Dexter casting, the weirdest movie ever made, and Tom Cruise's Les Grossman might star in his own fucking movie.

For all the straights people out there who don't know, Guys with iPhones is a website that houses thousand of pictures of men holding a phone and often wearing little else. How has it become a magnet for B-list nudes?

During Michael C. Hall's walk to receive his Golden Globe, the camera panned to Bill Paxton. Rumors on the internet claim he appears to be saying "I knew he was going to beat me. I got beaten by cancer." Yikes.

What's your favorite ancient Norse saga? (And don't say Hervarar saga ok Heiðreks—everyone says that!) Well, make room in your heart for the new Mel Gibson-directed viking film starring Leonardo DiCaprio. It should be epic.

Last night was the first time in several months that we had to face a Sunday evening without Mad Men. What to watch? There are plenty of options, but how will they stack up against the critic's darling?

Showtime has released the season premieres of Dexter and Californication to the public on the web. So we have embedded the full episodes below, to enjoy at your leisure while you lean back on our plush Gawker VIP virtual upholstery.

So you may have heard this already, but actor Michael C. Hall just married Jennifer Carpenter, the actress who plays his sister on their Showtime drama Dexter. Is that weird? Will it ruin the show?

Look, for three seasons now we've humored Dexter on his bloody little vigilante campaign to rid the world of murderers, rapists, dine-n'-dashers, and the like. But now he's overstepped the boundaries of serial-killer good taste.

The Writers Guild unveiled its 2009 TV nominees this afternoon, revealing a radical shift in taste that rotated only one new drama and two new comedies into the year's Best Series nominations — all replacing old nominees that weren't on the air this year. Let's hear it for attrition!

You'll have to forgive us for being a little too preoccupied with events going on in our own backyards to notice what's been going on lately up in America's tuque, Canada. Let's see: last we checked in, a Chinese immigrant on a Greyhound bus that boarded in Edmonton had decapitated and cannibalized another passenger on a desolate stretch of highway—definitely one of those instances where all the universal health care in the world isn't really going to do much good. Now comes news of a Dexter-obsessed, suspected killer living in the same bloodcicle wasteland, named Mark Andrew Twitchell.Some background: An Edmonton local named Johnny Brian Altinger went mysteriously missing early in October after setting up an internet date with a woman he had never met. Cops seized a screenplay by filmmaker Twitchell in which a male killer who works in a forensics unit (just like Dex) lures "a cheating husband to his death through an Internet dating scam in which he pretends to be a woman." In the story, the husband is decapitated with a power saw. Twitchell was arrested on Halloween night, on suspicion of having enacted out his murderous fantasies on Altinger in his garage (pictured). Told of the development, Dexter EP Melissa Rosenberg admitted the gruesome crime confirmed her worst, "our lovable leading serial killer has finally reaped what he's sown!" fears:

Leighton Meester versus Wallace Shawn happens for free on the CW tomorrow night, and that's the highlight of the week. Yes, the industry is missing an 'it' show right now, that universally watched show that defines a period in American life. Soon the current programming will be filed under Bush-era nonsense, and we'll be able to get a new Sopranos, the kind of show born in the Clinton era. Still, there's quality programming if you just know where to look. Here's what to watch this week:All times Eastern, watcher beware... Tonight: Dexter (9 pm on Showtime): Miguel Prado's wife gets a little suspicious of the blood technician that her district attorney husband is spending a lot of time with. True Blood (9 pm on HBO): Sookie's disturbing revelation about her employer freaks her out. A lot of vampire blood is used (probably). Family Guy (9 pm on FOX): Have you not already seen the Hulu clip from the new dog storyline? They went there: Entourage (10 pm on HBO): The show has finally gotten to the point where it is doing an entire Seth Green themed episode. Californication (10 pm on Showtime): David Duchovny's character loses his virginity all over again, this time to a hot teacher. Monday: Gossip Girl (8 pm on the CW): We already mentioned Wallace Shawn, but Jenny will move in with Agnes and they'll probably be in bras the whole time. The ep is called "Bonfire of the Vanity." How I Met Your Mother (8 pm on CBS): Big news for Alyson Hannigan's character, but all we can think about is that Josh Radnor will spend the rest of his life ALONE. Heroes (9 pm on NBC): Can the showrunner from Pushing Daisies save the troubled Tim Kring superhero saga? They should just start including the backstage storylines into the episodes, as I find the backstage part easier to keep track of. Tuesday: House (8 pm on FOX): The show's most improbable storyline continues, and Chase and Cameron turn this into Days of Our Lives all of a sudden. The Mentalist (9 pm on CBS): Simon Baker's psychic is in a casino this week, which should mean plenty of wordy insight about the the meaning of luck. Dancing With the Stars (8-10 pm on ABC): Two hours of programming, and it cost less than the person who does Simon Baker's eyebrows.

Guy Ritchie is directing Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law in next year's adaptation of Sherlock Holmes. To get to this glorious point, the mystery genre has undergone a wholesale reinvention, with shows like Dexter and True Blood shaking up the form with more than just violence and sex. Why are mysteries back?The scarcity of worthy Hollywood properties means that every halfway decent book will see itself staged eventually. And since young people today don't read books, this may be the only way for some of the best storytelling in our culture to get its proper appreciation. Among the different literary genres, some are more suited for the process than others. What always works, and always will work, is a mystery. While networks have been mining the soap opera with some success, mysteries work just as well in the serial form. Sure, CSI can fall into the general category, but the best mysteries aren't procedurals — they are true whodunits, giving the audience a litany of engaging small clues that keep them guessing. The best shows on television right now are all mining this territory.

A horrifying true crime tale is unfolding today in our neighboring state. In South Brunswick the bodies of couple Michael and Kathleen Maltese were found in a park, and suspicion quickly pointed to their son, Michael A. Maltese, and his girlfriend Nicole Taylor. In a twist reminiscent of the current direction of Showtime series Dexter, the two decided to subsequently get engaged. It might not be Truman Capote macabre, but the full story will disturb you.The elder Maltese and his wife Kathleen were reported missing on October 17th, and they were found today in a park two miles from the mobile home where they lived. The two killers had been living on an inflatable mattress on floor of the victims' trailer home. The bodies were dumped into the shallow grave. The Star Ledger characterized the alleged mastermind:

♦ Bill O'Reilly has signed a new four-year contract with Fox News worth $10-12 million a year. There is good news, though: His radio show may be coming to an end. [NYDN]
♦ More bad news for Harvey Weinstein: A handful of senior execs at The Weinstein Co. have announced their departures. [THR]
♦ How are monthly business magazines keeping up with the financial crisis? They're not, really. [NYO]
♦ The offices of the New York Times received an envelope this morning containing a "white granular substance." [Radar]

Finally, some good news from television! At least, we think it's good news. Showtime has renewed their serial killer with a heart of gold drama Dexter for another two seasons. The show has been a ratings boon for the premium cable network, which continues to fortify its stable of original series in the hopes of overtaking HBO as the King of Sunday Night. And, again, we're pretty sure this is good news. I mean it is, right? The season currently airing, the show's third, has been good enough so far, we think. Some of us here at HQ are sick of Rita's scrunchy-faced whining. The baby/marriage plotline was sort of inevitable, as they couldn't really have had Dex skulking around an only semi-serious relationship forever. The whole Prado business is... well, it's whatever. We're not really sure where Jimmy Smits' character arc is headed, but we hope it's surprisingly gruesome. Because, you know, that's what this show does best. And, once again, Jennifer Carpenter steals the show as sister Deb, who is getting tangled up not only in an Internal Affairs investigation, but with a sultry guitar-playing CI as well. She sure knows how to pick 'em! So what say you? Is two more seasons a good thing, or should this show be Saran Wrapped to a table and cruelly put out of its misery?