—By now everyone knows that insufferable all-time Jeopardy smartypants Ken Jennings goes down in flames tonight after a mere $2.5 million in earnings, but that didn't stop Sony from strong-arming blogger Jason Kottke into taking down his spoilers from the show.
—Maybe CBS didn't like the weird sexual objectification subtly encoded in their MILF-invoking Julia-Roberts-gives-birth headline, because they changed it.
—Someone should tell E! that a bad back and a couple of twins being born does not a curse make. Call us if Brad Pitt gets murdered by a mummy, OK?
—Tara Reid begs for tabloid mercy while crowing about picking up Anna Kournikova's sloppy seconds.
—Bad idea jeans: Licking Britney Spears' feet.

· Nerd alert: The ArcLight hosts a special screening of The Empire Strikes Back (we can't bring ourselves to call it Episode V), followed by a Q & A with director Irvin Kershner, the man who momentarily saved the series from George Lucas' destructive, fur-loving impulses. Yup, both showings are already sold out, but the resourceful fanboy can always find a way.
· Director Bill Condon and novelist T.C. Boyle discuss their dueling Alfred Kinsey works (Kinsey and The Inner Circle, respectively) at the UCLA Hammer Museum. Brace yourself for ribald, yet oddly clinical, tales of Kinsey's swingin' sex research team.
· Editor Kim Cooper and other contributors read from Lost in the Grooves: Scram’s Capricious Guide to the Music You Missed at Book Soup. You know, if you're into record collecting more than Star Wars or sex.

· Haven't had enough of Michael Moore in 2004? Want to get close enough (but not too close, he's got bodyguards) to touch him? America's favorite bullhorn-wielding documentarian/polemicist is sure to divide crowds at a Q&A following a screening of Fahrenheit 9/11 tonight at the Eqyptian. Actually, it's Hollywood, so he's probably going to be carried out on everyone's shoulders as confetti drizzles down. The Funkyjenn Gazette has instructions on how to get into the screening. [via LA.comfidential]
· Everclear, a band we're almost certain broke up five years ago, plays the House of Blues. A good option for musical mystery fans looking to get to the bottom of this.
· The two-day celebration of Godzilla's 50th Anniversary ends with a screening of Godzilla Final Wars at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. We regret to inform you that you've already missed the ceremonial destruction of Tokyo.

A reader is momentarily appalled that a drifter was about to defile one of the most holy retail destinations in Beverly Hills, then realizes that the offending vagrant was merely an actor with a hobo's fashion sense:

Please join hands with us and give thanks for this week's sponsors, without whom we would've been eating our Thanksgiving turkey at the shelter...again. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and reach the internet's most spend-happy consumers, see our ad info page.



· Rockstar Games: Grand Theft Auto San Andreas

· Glarkware

· Tylenol Ouch: Free Ron Rege Jr. Vinyl Toy

Let's be honest: who the hell wants to carry a turkey up six flights of stairs? Even we wouldn't do that to the Fresh Direct dudes, and it's not like we'd even know what to do with a raw bird anyhow. As such, we're chasing the tryptophan dragon back to Quaintsville for our yearly binge-and-purge. We'll be back, in some bloated form, after we're done cleaning the gravy off of our panties. Be good while we're gone, and try not to point your semiautomatic rifles at tomorrow's scary SpongeBob balloons.

· Green Day performs its "punk opera" American Idiot at the Long Beach Arena. This may seem too far to travel for Green Day, but if Billie Joe Armstrong fully embraces the opera aesthetic and performs in a Viking helmet and surrounded by fat ladies (OK, we learned everything we know about opera from Bugs Bunny), it might be worth the drive.
· Tears for Fears, however, will be right in your backyard at the Universal Amphitheater. If you listen closely enough, you just might hear the chant "Shout, shout, let it all out" drifting over the Hills.
· Blues Explosion (née John Spencer Blues Explosion, but don't worry, he's still fronting the band) play the El Rey with The Gossip.

—Lindsay Lohan reveals the "real" reason for her recent, five-day stay at Cedars Sinai: "exhaustion." Hollywood should really get some doctors working on a cure for that. Movies lose more money from star "exhaustion" than from all other maladies combined.
—John Stamos is using his upcoming TV show to get crazy laid. God bless his heart!
—Burglars broke into Ozzy Osbourne's English house and made off with a "large amount" of jewelry. Osbourne's reps wouldn't say whether it was Ozzy who confronted one of the thieves, but someone "mumbled incomprehensibly, shouted at a dog, and wet his pants" before the criminal escaped.
—It's official: Hollywood ignores flyover country. Somebody should immediately write an analysis of this finding that declares a "culture war" between the red and blue states.

· If you're the kind of person classy enough to sit through one of those movies where you have to read the dialogue on the bottom of the screen, you very well may enjoy the the Jean-Pierre Jeunet Tribute at the Egyptian Theatre. Jeunet will discuss his oeuvre between screenings of Delicatessen and Amelie, and perhaps can be persuaded to cross the street for a late showing of instant American classic National Treasure in the interest of cultural exchange.
· An evening that truly sells itself: Hot Bitches of Comedy at Mbar.
· Daughters on Dads: At Dutton's in Brentwood, Patti Davis reads from The Long Goodbye, in which she discusses her famous father (he was an actor, we think). And Deana Martin dishes on the Rat Packer that raised her in Memories Are Made of This: Dean Martin Through His Daughter’s Eyes at the Barnes and Noble at The Grove.

The people who bettered with the world with Mary-Kate Olsen's Crack-Man have continued their pop-culture philanthropy with the just-released Paparazzi Punch-Out!! With Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake. Now everyone can relive a renegade celebrity shutterbug's recent, vicious, flashbulb-popping attack on one of Hollywood's power couples! Unfortunately, we haven't beaten Diaz yet, and don't know if her shoe flies off in defeat.

Friday
· Strictly for the nerds (i.e., us): Ever seen a cockroach drive a robot? OK, maybe you have, but what about a Madagascar Hissing Cockroach? Hmmm? Didn't think so.
· Wilco rocks the Wiltern. Or rather, Wilco plays with rock/country/folk conventions to make some kind of point about alienation. That isn't as fun to say, but it's still kind of great. Good luck finding tickets.
Saturday
· The Futureheads are at the Troubadour. We've never heard any of their songs (see above re: we're nerds), but we hear the cool kids are totally into them.
· Se habla sassy? If so, the Sassy City Chicks sample sale can be found at the Area 101 Art Gallery.
Sunday
· Cinespace hosts the cult Ed Wood classic Plan 9 from Outerspace so scifi kitsch lovers can overdub the dialogue, a la MST3K. (Nerds again.) After-party to follow.
· Metallica: Some Kind of Monster documentarian Joe Berlinger signs Metallica: This Monster Lives at Book Soup. We're sure a discussion about whether or not Kirk Hammett's 80's hairstyle was a sly homage to Cher's curls is inevitable.

We pause for a moment to recognize this week's sponsors, who've only had to post our bail three or four times. (Thanks again! The next one is on us!) If you'd like to give us money in exchange for advertising your product to the world's sexiest blog audience, see our ad info page.

· Take in a show to benefit the Giampino family, recent arson victims. The 88, All Hours, Kennedy and more rock for good karma at the Echo.
· The monthly Res Screening at the Egyptian features a new video by Spike Jonze for the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and new videos for The Streets, UNKLE, and the Faint. We hear that Jonze kid's gonna make something of himself one day.
· The members of Wilco will sign copies of their imaginatively titled new book, The Wilco Book, at Skylight Books in Los Feliz. See if you can convince Jeff Tweedy to head down Vermont to the Dresden and jam with Marty and Elaine. We'd love to hear a lounge-jazz version of "Heavy Metal Drummer."

· TV on the Radio, Dizzee Rascal, and piano-tinkling hip-hop moppet Nellie McKay play the Shortlist Music Prize Concert at Avalon. And if you're into surprises, (who doesn't love a surprise?) there'll be a special guest from the Shortlist in the mix as well.
· Tom Wolfe will pick up his trademark white suit from the dry cleaners and head over to Dutton’s Brentwood to read from his new college novel, I Am Charlotte Simmons, at 7 p.m. It's mandatory that at least one attendee ask him to discuss the "the keg stand as academic coming-of-age ritual."
· Buddhist scholar (and (Uma daddy) Robert Thurman talks about Anger: The Seven Deadly Sins with with congenitally chatty director/metaphysical mentee David O. Russell at 7 p.m at the Central Library.

Friday
· Alicia Keys signs her book Tears for Water: Songbook of Poems & Lyrics at Book Soup tonight and at Barnes & Noble at The Grove on Saturday. Wave from the trolley!
· We continue our service of providing the hipster community with free indie-rock options: The Golden-Arms, Helen Stellar, and Foreign Born play El Cid (no cover before 10:30 pm).
· Not as free, but still a good option if you're not seeing Guided by Voices: The Gay-Gays (an all-dude Go-Gos tribute band), Tommy Keene, and the Ex-Boyfriends hit Spaceland.

Let us pause to thank this week's handsome array of sponsors, whose munificence allows us to occasionally make the leap from grande to venti. If you'd like to join the well-heeled ranks of Defamer advertisers, see our ad info page.

—Say it ain't so! Fez and Lindsay are Splitsville? No longer on each other's buddy lists? No longer having sexual intercourse after nights of boozing at Concorde? We can't handle news like this so late in the day. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE GET A PUBLICIST DENIAL BEFORE WE WAKE UP TOMORROW.
—Red staters, delusional with boredom from having secured control of the country for four more years, seek to fill their empty place by protesting Kinsey.
—Hugh Grant is retiring. Or semiretired. Or starring in the new Bridget Jones movie. Who can really keep track of this guy when he's not getting blown by a hooker? At least then there's a paper trail.
—Someone actually might be more excited about The O.C. than we are. We're challenging him to a duel tomorrow, and Summer is the prize.

1. The ambiguously gay uno (a.k.a. Morrissey) unpacks his bag full of mope-pop at the Universal Amphitheatre tonight and tomorrow. Should you desire something more in the garage rock vein, head to the Echo for Wolf Eyes and Comets on Fire.
2. The things about these film festivals is they keep showing movies until the festival is over! Amazing! Tonight's AFI Fest has Blackballed: The Bobby Dukes Story with The Daily Show's Rob Corddry and Hotel Rwanda with the always worthy Don Cheadle.
3. Now that The O.C. burned off last week's season premiere clumsily undoing the damage of last season's finale, we can get back to the important business of savoring Seth Cohen wisecracks and wondering exactly why they haven't killed off Marissa yet. [This space not paid for by Fox. Unfortunately. We like to eat!]

A spy dining at Disney spotted a certain tabloid-friendly starlet on the loose at the cafeteria. Disappointingly, no disco balls dropped from the ceiling or open bars appeared to celebrate her arrival:

Sightings are sent in by readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.